Looked at the “treatment directory” crisis line gave me and LMAO

For shyts n giggles I looked at what crap is available. Type in “women,” “New Hampshire,” “medicare,” for the filters and two treatment providers pop up—one a clinic for Christians in Texas and a dietician in Massachusetts who specifically states she does not accept Medicaid or Medicare.

Thank you so much for that invaluable resource, Rapid Response. There is a page of support groups too (none in person around here and most due to time zone differences too late for me to want to do) and all of them are “must be driven to recovery” or “faith-based,” too. One is for trauma survivors too, but everyone has to be completely a “non-offender” and I am at points an offender (not that I mean to be, but honestly, can be a pretty fking horrible person and have assault on my record). Nowhere to talk about being unsure of recovery. Nowhere to say “I prefer this addiction to the others I’ve dealt with. Simply not eating feels better on mind, body, and wallet than drinking $50 worth of the cheapest vodka in the state people go to for cheap liquor every week.” Or “this is better than being hospitalized because every other month I’m getting 10-20 staples put in and being itchy forever.” Or “at least I don’t have the energy most of the time to cause so much property damage I get evicted these days.” Or “I don’t care to live long, so why do I need to recover?”
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But really, why should I recover and deal with shyt that I doubt will ever go away to the point I feel okay for a full day straight, when I can just get worse, hide, and be done sooner?