[krazibean]

I have a confession to make. The people on this forum will probably really resent me for this. I didn't know if this should go here or in the psychotherapy forum, but i decided on here because i thought maybe some of you might know what i'm going through.

I've had issues with eating for awhile. I despise what i see in the mirror. i've been overweight, and totally depressed about it. i went back and forth between starving and bingeing, starving and bingeing. for awhile starving was winning and i got pretty thin, then the bingeing took over and thats when i became overweight. since then even though my eating has leveled out, i continued to stay overweight, though i did lose some of it from not bingeing as much/as bad. At the moment i am on a diet program and following it religiously. I've been doing well and losing weight and am in the healthy range, but i am not happy with my weight yet. Anyway, in therapy T and i have been talking about my unhealthy weight goals, and she knows i've lost weight, but she thinks i've been doing it the unhealthy way. That i've been starving and bingeing, which is what i used to do. I actually am losing weight the healthy way but i'm not telling her this because i want her to see my weight loss and associate it with the pain i truly am in. She's asked me to write down what i eat the next few days but i'm scared to tell the truth, because then she'll be like, "you're eating great! you don't have a problem at all." but what she doesnt know is that once i get the weight off the healthy way i plan on keeping it off the unhealthy way. I don't want to lie either and say i've been starving and thats why i'm losing weight. I don't know what to do. please be gentle with your responses and say im stupid for not telling the truth. thank you for listening.

[mandazzle]

I would be honest and let her know what you plan to do after the diet so you can figure out a way to avoid doing that, and get help.

[JenKat]

Your situation is not that rare, believe it or not. Often times, an eating disorder can start out as a cry for help or a way to get people "see" that you are struggling. I know that's how my ED started out at least. Problem is, this is a very addicting disease, and before you know it you can't stop. So this is actually a really good thing, you admitting this and reaching out for help. It means you caught this early before it got out of control. As hard as it is, I would be honest with your food journal for your T. And maybe when you give it to him/her, let them know about your fears of not "appearing" to have an ED. I don't think she/he would judge you at all, but rather be happy that you brought it up so you can work on all of this. Good luck!!

Sometimes.. I wish that there were a physical sign of the extreme pain that I have on the inside of me... so I do understand.. (my ED is not from that).... but for other things...

ED's are very "sneakie"... so please... tell your T what's going on... the T should be able to handle and sort thru this... they understand pain... in all it's forms...does not need to "show" physically...