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#1
Jul 08, 2008, 08:28 AM
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I have been maintaining my weight for 7 weeks now. It is low and everyone is telling me I am too skinny and despite the fact that I want to lose more, I managed to hold on for 7 weeks. But I am leaving for Aruba for 5 days with my husband on Thursday morning and since packing over the weekend I have been struggling with my food and still working out and dropped 2 more pounds. I know this is bad, I was trying to avoid this but my fear won out and I couldn't eat much.
And now I am down more and have to face the fact that I am in trouble. But I don't want to deal with it, I just want to be skinny and I still feel fat even though everyone is telling me otherwise. I am so confused. I had 14 yrs of recovery after 2 hospitalitazions 20 yrs ago. I was doing great, I felt great and I know I looked good. And now I am so far into relapse and it happened so fast and I don't know how to stop. I have a therapist and tomorrow night I am starting a support group but will that be enough to get me over my fear of gaining weight? And to keep me from losing any more? I didn't think I would lose anymore, I thought I was safe and now I know I am no longer safe, I went too far but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to fix it. I still feel so fat. I wanted this trip to Aruba so badly and now it wont even be fun - I can't eat, I wont drink because of the extra calories and my husband is going to be very aware of this. How can that be fun? I just want to get away with him and for it to be good but I am scared it wont be. Because of me. |
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#2
Jul 08, 2008, 09:36 PM
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((((((((((((piscesmom)))))))))))))))))
You've admitted that you've fallen into old patterns, and that's good. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Does your T know about this, and perhaps can find a way to help you? Perhaps while on your vacation you can still eat and drink, but aim for smaller portions and "lower calorie" foods at least? I hope your vacation is good at least, and it can still be good, even when dealing with this.
__________________
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#3
Jul 12, 2008, 10:48 PM
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I don't think its an issue of what is "good" vs "bad" its coping. What's going on that is causing stress on your eating disorder?
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I am Rachel,, I have an eating disorder, bipolar and PTSD. I'm stuggling right now with issues of trauma and eating. Looking for friends and support! |
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#4
Jul 13, 2008, 10:11 PM
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Well, congrats on the years that you had won over the disease, but as for now, I am praying for you that you can get out of it again.
__________________
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you. |
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