[piscesmom]

I am starting treatment at an eating disorders facility in Manhattan on Monday. I am scared to death. When I realized a few weeks ago I would be going, I wanted to be as low as possible so that when I gained 10 lbs it would show I was willing to gain and I would be "better". But now I am scared that I really went too low. I feel horrible, I am getting a tightening in my chest, not quite pain and I am lightheaded. By 8 pm I am completely shot. I was stepping on my
step machine every night for an hour, sometime longer and now I am lucky if I can do 30 to 45 minutes. I know I am in bad shape and I want help to fix how messed up my head is and I want to feel better physically but I am petrified about how much weight they are going to make me gain and how much I will have to eat.
I feel like I have lost my mind because I still want to lose weight before Monday comes and I still think I am fat.

[fellowtraveler]

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But now I am scared that I really went too low. I feel horrible, I am getting a tightening in my chest, not quite pain and I am lightheaded.

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Please be careful! I would strongly encourage you to see a doctor ASAP and get checked out in case you have created a more serious health problem that needs to get treated immediately. Cardiac problems can result from anorexia. Go to an emergency room if you have to!

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I know I am in bad shape and I want help to fix how messed up my head is and I want to feel better physically but I am petrified about how much weight they are going to make me gain and how much I will have to eat.
I feel like I have lost my mind because I still want to lose weight before Monday comes and I still think I am fat.

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Yes, your perception of yourself and your weight is (way) off. Yes, please do get help. No, you are not 'losing your mind.' It is part of the disease and can be treated. Please do not be afraid to be healthy!

Take good care,
- ft

[darkrunner]

((((((((piscesmom))))))))

I so understand what you mean when you say you are scared to gain weight. I am scared too.

Please take care of yourself -- maybe ease off the exercise for now. I am concerned about you.

hugs and prayers,
ktgirl

[piscesmom]

thanks everybody,
I have stayed off of my step machine since Tuesday night and haven't been doing much of anything. Treatment starts Monday.
It is just two more days. If I feel worse, I know I can go to the ER.