[multipixie9]

I was at a decent weight until about two years ago. I'd lost some extra weight that I'd gained over my childbearing and raising years. But then my last child married and moved out. I was suddenly in an empty home with a workaholic husband and lots of loneliness. I began to binge on sugar products and mope around. I've got two knees that need replacement and I just slid into a midlife revision. I'm not sure what to do with myself any more. My kids don't need me nearly so much and my husband is distant and uninvolved.

This self-sabotage is getting pretty old. I need to change something and I just can't seem to hit on a way to do that. So, I' m writing to just call it what it is - me being bad to myself. I'm tired of the cycle. Binge, guilt, hold off and then do it all again. How long will I do this before giving myself permission to take proper care of myself.

Any thoughts on this from you would be appreciated.

Leslieann

I don't have any advice but I certainly know how you feel with the self-sabbotage

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((Leslieann))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I know how it feels to not have a relationship with the husband. Would he consider going to marital counseling with you? Sometimes after being together so long all the hurts and stresses and difficulties of life pile up...people don't even realize or appreciate what you have any more.

About the binging....choose your pain. The way I see it is that you have two options and either one is painful. You can:

1) binge and feel guilty and bad about yourself which is painful
2) not binge and forego the 'comfort' that you get from the binging, which is painful

either way there is pain, so you need to pick the painful option that will give you the best results in the end, which would probably option 2.
I don't mean to say this will be easy but if you can get your mind to think this way maybe it will be helpful.
Have you looked into any support groups for overeating?
best wishes to you....
ktgirl

[luckyyouxx]

I agree with kt going with number 2.
Binging is you trying to cover up your true feelings by feeding your soul and body with food, things that make you feel better. But - food only makes you feel better temporarily. Trust me, I know.
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel about things?
Maybe start getting yourself more involved in the community, go out and take more walks and get fresh air, find a hobby, work out at an all women's gym.. take time out for yourself, the time you've need and deserve. Remember all of the things you used to do before your kids and husband, and maybe start up one of those old passions again.
I wish ya luck.

[eskielover]

Yep,

You need to find something that YOU are interested in (not your children or your husband), something that is JUST you.....something you love to do. When you find something to take the attention off of the "poor me" then you will start enjoying your life & feel that you have something to live for....something that excites you as much as you felt when your children needed you or when your husband wasn't so "workaholic".

I know I was a workaholic carrer woman for 15 years & when I lost my career, I went into a horrible depression....my marriage was horrible also even though I was sticking in it & tolerating it....I realize now that the only reason I did tolerate it was because I had my career.

I was healthy & the only knee problem I had was the one that was reconstructed because of a racquettball accident when I blew out the ACL.....so I found that riding horses & training in dressage gave me something to totally focus on.......Now I can't afford the dressage, but still love riding the horses that I got while I was doing that.

Not only that, but I have gotten into beading....jewelry, also tapertry & latch hook. There are crafts & things that since you have knee problems, physical activities aren't probably the best.

There is also volunteering positions that are always open....I know here they are looking for people in our Humane Society.....there are older people who need support, there are all kinds of community volunteer positions available that give us a chance to get outside of our little miserable feeling worlds we have ended up in as thing have changed around us.

I am sure you can find something that fits you & gives you satisfaction that goes beyond taking care of your own kids & a husband who is absorbed in his work.

It's not being selfish to take care of yourself & do or yourself......as in the long run, you are the only one that really counts to yourself.

Go for it,
Debbie

[multipixie9]

Hi KTGirl,

Yes, I did OA many years ago and lost the obsession until my problems in other areas of childhood abuse and yuck stuff got scary and then I overate again. Then I stopped through a program that helped and then when My daughter Tina got married and my home was empty and lonely I began to stuff again. My husband says he will go to counseling now, but I'm scared a counselor won't accept that I have mpd/did. My husband refuses to accept that I have problems with dissociation. So...like you said I'm gonna have to pick my pain. I guess I just haven't done that yet. That was a helpful way to put it. It makes it clear what I would need to choose. Thank you very much, KTGirl!! Sorry my post took so long, I spaced out and forgot I put this question out there. Thanks again.

Leslie and Her Pixies

[multipixie9]

Thanks for the good advice, Debbie. I have been trying to figure a hobby out besides my deep interest in reading. I have been a bit dull about realizing what I could do. I may need to go the volunteer route for now and find somene to assist. I appreciate your kindness!

Leslie