[xylia]

I have been ED free for almost two years, but I've had setbacks, and this week, I'm begining to relapse. It's not that bad , I've restricted myself to eating only fruits and vegetables, and as far as I know, I'm not losing any weight. But I couldn't stand it, and I ate a bite of a piece of bread. And I feel so fat, and so ashamed of my lack of self-control. My family must think I'm a pig.

I saw my therapist today, and she said that I need to get over this now before it becomes more serious. So she assigned me to eat three new recipes that contained carbohydrates in the next week. I said I would, but right now, I'm not sure I can do it. My mom and I made manicotti, which I thought I could do, but I look at it, and all I see is calories and fat. And then I look at myself and all I see is my huge thighs and my flabby stomach, and I want to panic.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I need some help with this at this moment. My mind is screaming for me to take a shower instead of eating, but a rational part of me says I need to eat to stay alive. Anyways, thanks for reading, I'm feeling pretty low.

[luckyyouxx]

Wow congratulations on being ED free for 2 years, that is a big accomplishment... I hope that I can make it that long. Why stop now? You are doing so well and you have accomplished so much and faught this monster, why give in and go through the pain again? I have said before in posts that i hear its okay to relapse, but people who do so need to just get up from their mistake and keep on going strong.
You are not fat if you are eating a peice of bread, you are healthy!
I know how you feel around pasta, you always wonder if its a good idea... but your body needs different foods every once and a while, its not good to eat the same thing every day, so mix it up! instead of feeling bad about eating it, eat a smaller portion and have a side salad.
Not all carbs are bad.. and as long as you are not binging on it every day, then you won't gain weight...one night or even 3 nights of carbs is not going to kill you or make you obese... its going to make you healthy! Right?

Anyway, I look up to you for staying strong for 2 years so far, and if you have any tips let me know... because I really want this to be the end for my bulimia. I know I will have set backs of recovery in the future, but you just can't let those moments get you down. You gotta keep at it! If not for you, for me! I need a recovery buddy! haha.
good luck! hope i helped!

[mary39]

You need to eat. Right now you may feel pretty bad about it, but later you'll be relieved you didn't let it get worse. You just gotta stay strong

[xylia]

Yeah... so I ate a little bit and then had loads of vegetables. It was hard. I'm alone at home today all day, and so far I've steeled myself to eat some leftover macaroni from a few days ago and an apple... which I think isn't too much for a meal. Just trying to stay strong and still eat. I can feel myself slipping, though. I'm not going to let anorexia win. I don't want to get pulled into that world again.

Thanks so much to both of you,reading your posts really helped me.