Binge eating

<font color="blue"> </font> I used to binge eat. It was my way out of any problem I ever had. But now I think I'm falling into an opposite ED. I obsess about my weight. I weight myself AT LEAST once a day- if not 3 times. I weigh myself with clothes on, without, before eating, after eateing- before and after drinking something. After I use the bathroom I even weigh myself. I look in the mirror and see the same 210 pound girl I once was. I was on diff. antidepressents, and stopped everything all at once. Then I stopped eating for a week- and dropped 30 pounds. Now I weight about 165 and everyone tells me I'm skinny. I don't see it- nor does the weight tell me I am. I'm still FAT! I just won't eat. I want to lose 30 more pounds to be of "normal" weight- but everyone is telling me not too- that I'll be too skinny- so then why do I feel so fat- and why do I weigh so much? Ugh! I hate this feeling. I hate that I lost my appetite so much too! is it just depression again?

It might be partially a function of rebound depression, it might be a reaction to stopping all the meds -- did you do that cold turkey, by the way? If so, it might be withdrawal from them -- and it could indeed be an ED starting up. There are a few pieces of advice I'll offer up, all with the same sort of theme to them: get yourself into treatment with a professional.

First of all, if you've cut way back on eating, or if you're fasting, then you're not doing yourself any favors. You're going to put your body into a state of starvation, which will make it much more eager to store fuel reserves -- read: fat -- whenever it can. Your metabolism will fall, making it harder to lose weight. And, of course, the malnutrition won't do you any good, either.

First things first, I'd get an evaluation about how far your ED has gone already. Then I'd get a physical evaluation, because you can do a lot more damage than you think in a lot less time than you'd imagine. (And it's lasting damage: I'm more than an inch shorter thanks to bone loss from AN.) For treatment, first is a therapist, of course, but the best advice I can give you is to get in to see a registered dietitian for nutritional counseling. Yeah, I know -- I swore up and down it was a waste of time, because I knew pretty much as much as there was to know about what to eat, even if I didn't eat it. But you know what? Turns out that this is the best thing I could have done. I learn something new at every appointment, and it does help calm me about how much and what I eat.

When we're in the midst of an ED, our perceptions of ourselves aren't very accurate. That's why it's best to listen to those around us. If "everyone" tells you that you shouldn't lose more weight right now, they probably see that more accurately than you do. Why do you feel fat? You don't. Fat isn't an emotion. What emotion are you feeling, when you think you feel fat? Why do you weigh so much? Well, how tall are you? How muscular? How active? All those things count, you know. Hell, your bones might be solid enough that they bring your ideal weight up to 165 or even more. (And if they are, you are blessed! I'm not old enough to have my bones, but I have them, and there's not much I can do about it now.)

Pack up your scale, or control that urge to obsess about it. Weigh yourself once a week. (OK, I know that's close to impossible. I weigh myself once a day -- but I make sure I keep it down to once a day.) Make an appointment to see a good doctor with experience with EDs. Get help now, don't wait until you're as miserable and screwed up as I am, 'K?

Good luck to you, and keep us updated -- there's good support to be had here.

hey- thanks!
I would eat, but I don't have the appetite for it. It's very confusing- I don't quite understand it- and as for seeking professional help, it's useless. Other than the fact that I live in Florida where all the dumb doctors set up practice, my insurance isn't accepted by a lot of people either. I can't afford to help myself without worrying about losing everything ***See post in anxiety***

Welcome to psychcentral shuis! I'm not sure I have what you call an "appetite" either... with a CNS and peripheral nerve pain problems the messages are never quite true... and what I feel in my stomach, isn't always hunger. I try to stick with the clock and my routine just to make sure I eat something each day.

(I'm in FL too... )

Lol SHUIS,I LIVE IN FLORIDA TO!!!!! THere are alot of dumb docters here,your right about that.But there are some good ones also.As for advise, Genevieve Pretty much said it all.Please seek help before you cause to much damage to your body.Theres a good treatment center where i live in the tampabay area,what city do u live in?

Well, Shuis, you can use the "I can't afford treatment" for a while, but at some point you really do get to the point where you can't afford NOT to have treatment. Truly. Much better -- and cheaper, for that matter -- to get that treatment before you need hospitalization with all the expensive bells, whistles, and tube feeding. I've never had to be tube fed, but I understand it's not pleasant. Can't be cheap, either. Wouldn't you like to avoid that?

My doctor isn't on my insurance, so I submit his bills after paying him. If you're not on an HMO, you can probably do the same. Or, you could call and fight with your insurance -- ANAD has people who help with that, because a lot of insurance companies want to nickle and dime ED patients. Contact ANAD, and see what happens.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's OK to say that you can't afford treatment, as long as you understand that you're making an excuse in order to stay sick. I've done it myself, so that's not criticism, just asking you to be honest with yourself.

I hope you'll look into ways to get treatment. If nothing else, find out what ANAD groups there are in your area, and get some support there. They're free, so you can't use that cost thing, 'K?

Good luck.

the "new tampa" tampa bay area.
Thank u everyone for ur help- as for insurance- i have the military HMO- and they don't budge for ne thing