I dont know what to do with my life anymore.....

I'm not sure what to do with my life anymore....
I'm not happy with how things are going and I have no idea how to fix things. I hate myself more and more everyday that I can see myself and people are hurtful and I can't just ignore people.
I don't know what to do with myself. I hate myself so much, I can never think of anything positive to say becuase there is nothing.
I look in the mirror every morning and all thease words rush to my head like...
-ugly
-obese
-not perfect
-not pretty
-I should be skinnier
and so on
I try so hard to do what ever one exspects of me but I can't. I am never good enough. I try and be everyones everything but i'm faliling miserably.
And on top of all this crap I'm gaining weight which is making me very depressed furious with myself. I am getting so fat..when I weigh myself and look at the scale I cry becuase i so mad at myself.
Right now i'm just doing anything possible to loose weight even if it means not eating.
I hate food with a passion anyways so the not eating thing really isnt a problem. it makes me so uncomfertable and i just hate food. There really are no words to describe how much i truly hate food.

If anyone has any ideas on how to fix my faliure of a life so far please let me know and i would be forever greatful to you.
Thanks so much,
Country Music Gurl

well, for starters you can take that cowgirl grin, re-straighten it, pull the hat down over the eyes just a bit to keep the sun out.. look at the steer, chuckle and say a prayer.. hop on, hold on, and try to go 8 seconds... some of Alan Jacksons stuff gets me in the spirit.. then i look for the rodeo

you can do it... be one of the ones who never gives up

spend some time and get to know some of the others here... tons of good info for your questions, so pull up a chair, think happy thoughts, and enjoy as much as you are able to!

---"I try so hard to do what ever one exspects of me but I can't. I am never good enough. I try and be everyones everything but i'm faliling miserably. "---

Does this seem like a HUGE weight on your day to day life? So many good people try hard to please others around them and to fulfill their expectations. It's clear that you have a big heart and care for others. People like you deserve to do your own thing, create your own expectations, and find your own path. Doing what everyone expects of me makes me feel inhuman and like I'm trying to be somebody else. It hurts and makes me feel sick.

"Being everyone's everything" can cause A LOT of stress because it's impossible. Anyone who can come even close to it is incredibly capable of doing great things for them self. It just takes learning confidence and directing those efforts to yourself.

--- "If anyone has any ideas on how to fix my faliure of a life so far please let me know" ---

How high are your expectations for yourself? Sometimes they are so high that it will be impossible to reach and lead to a perception of "failure"... not real failure. Your life is not a failure, you are not ugly, and your weight is fine. How does that last statement make you feel? We are all a work in progress and few of us are anywhere near how we want to be.