[cantstopcrying]

Once again, I have managed to let my disgust at my weight rule my day. I woke up depressed because I am fat. I didn't want to get in the shower because then I would have to look at my fat, didn't want to get dressed because then I would have to look at my fat. Just wanted to stay in bed and disappear. I swear to God I have not been overeating, I have not been comfort eating, I have not been restricting, I have not been eating fast food, I had a candybar for the first time in such a long time I can't remember. I haven't had pop in well over 3-4 months. I have to write this out so I can see how disgusting I am, but I really really felt like I was losing weight, in fact I lost 2 pounds last week. 185. Yesterday I stupidly got on the scale at work (because no one was around) and itsaiditsaidiitsaiditsaiditsaidIcantdoitIcantwriteitIneedto. Please don't judge me. 194. howisthatpossible? I had fruit and salad all week. I had no red meat at all. The worst thing I had was scalloped potatoes and cheese. I am considering doing one of those colon cleanse things--yes, I know, stay by the toilet. I know it's no better than abusing laxitives. How can I gain 9 pounds in one week? My portions are small--half a honey ham sandwich and an apple for dinner last night. Whenever I eat, I use a small plate to control my portions. I have a French Silk pie here at the house--I haven't even had any, which for me is amazing. I haven't comfort ate, but I'm about to. It's stupid. I'm upset about my weight so eat more. I really haven't even been hungry. My doctor increased my Cymbalta to 60 mg twice a day Wednesday and I haven't really been hungry, though I have no idea if it has anything to do with it at all. I haven't felt this low in a while. If any of you reading this have noticed in my posts recently, I really am doing better--the tears, they really can stop. Except today. Today I feel so down. I know, I give the same advice....."You're beautiful, you're kind, you...." "It doesn't matter your outside appearances, those change. You're not 20 or even 30 any more." I know all that, but 9 pounds in one week? I talk to my family doctor about it and he says stop putting crap in your mouth, do thyroid test, yep thyroid is off, take synthroid, oh that's too much, take less, oh that's not enough take more (I have hashimoto's thyroiditis and have basically given up). I talk to my t about it and he says not to focus so much on it, focus on why you feel this way (because it's disgusting!!). Exercise people say--find me time (I know, I could be doing it instead of writing on here, right?) I'm up at 6 (when I actually sleep), get kids up, leave for work at 7, get to work at 8:30, Monday's I leave work at 5, get home at 6, pick kids up for karate, sit and wait for her to be done until 9, home by 9:45. Friday is the same thing. Tuesday is the same except throw in leave at 3 to take other daughter to music lessons. Wednesdays I work from 8:30 a.m.-9:30 or 10:00 p.m. Thursday I work from 8:30-6. Saturdays 12-4 are taken up, Sundays 10-11:30, 2-5 are taken up. What little time I have I am exhausted and sore (RA and MD get the best of me some times). I know, I am rambling but I am so upset right now and disgusted with myself. All the hard work I've done to be positive about it (and I was, really I was) is gone. At least for today. Right now I just feel like I suck.

[ginniesky]

some women gain right before or during their monthly cycle and you could be gaining muscle which weighs more than fat i would check again in about a week or two and see from there....

[cantstopcrying]

Thank you honey for the reply. I would like to think it's that but I had a total hysterectomy 8 years ago.

[cutbuddie]

well what i think you should do but you dont have to do it since im just a teenager, but you should get like a dog, dosent matter what size but everyday you have to walk it, right? so that will help you to get out of the house, and depending on your lunch break you should just go for 30 min. at the gym or even on the week end. a while ago my mom said swimming helps you lose weight, she maybe on the weekends you can take your kids swimming, even if you think your "fat" and dont want to change just think, 'by the end of this month i will be 10 pounds lighter and feel more confident'. and also, stay away from carbs, cause in this magazine i read that carbs are more harmful for women and helps you GAIN more weight, but drink lots of water, have celery (negative cal.) because when you chew it you lose calories. if you need more tips message me! i'd be glad to help alot.!!

[cantstopcrying]

Thank you very much! I actually have two dogs, but I can't tolerate the cold long enough to walk them in the winter. You mentioned swimming--I have had pinned to my bulletin board for some time a schedule of the local swimming pool here. I had thought during the summer to get here early and go swimming before work, but I never had the energy. I can't do that while school is in because I have to get the kids to school, but I just looked and they are open 11:30-1:00 during lunch. Since I always always always work overtime, I could take a longer lunch and swim. But that means putting on a bathing suit . Do you really think swimming will help? I'm a freak I know, but I can't eat celery--I have awful gag reflexes and the "strings" gag me. Oooh, I suppose I could cut them into little cubes like I do for soup. (Sorry, thinking out loud here). Motivation and energy are what I need. I have the motivation, actually--I hate how I look. The energy is what I need. I suppose once I lose weight the energy will return. I am super-super self-conscious and wish to invisible when I have to do things on my own sometimes, so going to the pool is going to be hard (plus it's hard to see without my glasses!!!). Anyway, thank you for your advice--never think you're "just a teenager"--fresh, young ideas are always welcome!!

[cutbuddie]

i see, my mother used to do it before school so i had to take care of myself and going to school and all but its good that you're there for your kids and all. well i think swimming is good, gets you out of work which is just basically sitting in a chair all day, right? so yeah try it out, go for it! maybe instead of celery you could have like carrots or cucumbers, fruits and veggies, all that because they're mostly contained of water, but also you cant gain weight from them. to help modivate you, when you watch like a tv program, durring the commericial break walk around your house, jogg in a spot or something, always helps me. walking up and down stairs too. if you have stairs at your work, take them instead of the elevator and what not.

[Sannah]

Are you getting enough protein CSC?

[cantstopcrying]

I doubt it. I don't eat egss, I rarely eat peanut butter, usually the only meat I eat is hamburger mixed with something, I can't stand seafood of anykind. So probably not, which is nothing new for me.

[Sannah]

Protein in your blood is what holds the fluid in your blood vessels (osmotic pressure). If you don't get enough protein fluid will leak out into your tissues. Have you ever had a blood test to check the level of protein in your blood?

[cantstopcrying]

I'm sure I've had it when I've had a CBC and such, as far as I know it was normal. I keep all my blood tests, so I can check. I didn't know that, though.

[Sannah]

Checking protein is not in the usual battery of tests. It is a special test.

[cantstopcrying]

Was checked in '07 and 8.2, with normal being 6.0-8.5.
Looks like it was 7.3 in '06, 7.4 in '05. So it's been consistantly normal.
(I always have it done because it's in the liver profile we order and some of my meds have messed with my liver before, so that's why I've had it done)

[Luce]

Can'tstop... hun, you work too hard. So much working! When do you ever get time for you?!

You know what... this is YOUR life. If you don't do something to change it, things are going to stay this way. Maybe if you don't do something to change it, you will still be stuck in the same place with the same feelings 1, 2, 5 or 10 years from now. Eeek!

Radical change is frightening. But sometimes it needs to be done. (Do you need to make radical changes? Dunno - only you know that).

Radical changes often mean making sacrifices in one or more areas...
in order to gain positive changes in others.

Such as... cutting hours at work, to gain more hours for self. That means a pay cut, which probably means cutting out some spending... sometimes even digging into areas that were previously deemed 'necessary'.

BUT, it means gaining hours - eg... instead of spending the afternoon at the office, you could be spending it on a local walkway, at the gym, or doing yoga (whatever). Which means - gaining health, self esteem, self confidence, self respect. (And what price can you put on that???!)

It seems, for yourself, you NEED to find a way to fit exercise into your life. If your schedule is your barrier to doing that, then hun - you really gotta find a way to change the schedule! This is your LIFE. It is worth *every single thing* you've got to give it.

Guess the bottom line is... unless you actually get out there and MAKE some changes, you'll be writing the same thread title in five or ten years time: "Same old stuff from me".

Scary.

[cantstopcrying]

Thank you for replying..I wish there was 'extra spending' to cut! I'm going to go to the local pool and see what it's like at lunchtime. i always work through lunch but if i can find the courage i msy start swimming.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Great idea! I've heard that it hlps you lose weight quite quickly, too. It'll make you feel a lot better and you won't be majorly worn out, or sweaty like you would if you went for an hour run!

I hope this helps you to start feeling better about yourself. Chill out in the pool for an hour or two *bliss!* You lucky thing!

You're beautiful on the inside. i've never seen a picture of yuo, so I wouldn't know what you look like, but I bet you're beautifiul on the outside too
your inner self is strong, i can always see that through your posts. You have such determination!

Take good care of yourself

[cantstopcrying]

thank you dear! I appreciate it.

[ThePainNeverDies]

No problem. You deserve to give yourself some "Me" time Because you put yourself out there for everybody else and forget about yourself for a while. Now it's your turn to forget about everyone else for At Least an hour and give yourself the time you need to chill out

[cutbuddie]

theres a down site to a diet, you have to make sure you get all your nutrrition. I barely ate in a couple of days only little things here and there. and now im sick, stuffy nose, very sore thoat, dizzy and tired. it sucks but i still remain on the diet.
Fact:
Divide your weight in two and thats how much grams of protein you should get in a day. Why have protein? well, because the more protein you have the more weight you will lose, the protein aids your body because it increases your motabolism and it helps stasify hunger other than carbs and fat. So go on a high protein diet because a recent study shows that people who went on a high protein diet ate fewer calories than their regular diet, (an estimated 440 calories). A different stufy showed that a high-protein diet combined with enhanced weight and fat loss and improved blood fat (lipid) levels.

im always here if you need further help!

[cantstopcrying]

Thank you!! So far my best laid plans for swimming this week have been derailed!! Monday I never would have had time because I had meetings out of the office, and Wednesday I had phone conference webinar thingy during "lunch". Thank goodness I'm not near a pool right now, I don't know that I would willingly resurface!! Blah!

[cutbuddie]

you're very welcome. if you like tea then have green tea also because it has no calories or fat or carbs at all.
in a pound there are 3,500 calories. Japanese researchers discovered that an average person who were to drink five cups or geen tea in a day burn an extra 70 or 80 extra calories. The effect is called thermogenesis which means the process of heat in organisms. they discovered that if you only add 5 cups of green tea a day and not changing anything eslse, whithin a period of 43 days you could expect to lose 1 pound and 8 in a year. thats not much but it does aid a little bit. Green Tea does gives you a slight boost in motabolism and gives you health benefits.

always will be here