[I will never forget]

I am the oldest girl in my close group of friends.... I am the oldest and still have not had a boyfriend or let alone my first kiss (I am definitely not counting the times i was molested as a child as my "first" kiss) i feel like the ugly duckling of the pack and i blame it on being overweight... i am 178 and i cant seem to lose weight... i have tired diet pills and protein shakes and meal replacement bars and extreme dieting and excercising but nothing seems to work for me... in fact i have gained weight the more i try to lose weight. most of my friends have tried losing weight since prom is coming up and they have all lost at least five pounds.. i am tired TIRED of being overweight and i dont know what else to do. i dont know what else to do and it doesnt help when my own family tells me i am overweight. i am just tired of looking like this i feel like a monster....

Hi I_Will_Never_Forget,

My advice might be flawed because I'm not a doctor or anything, but I can tell you what helped me.

I lived with very severe gallstones for two years. I didn't have insurance, so I could not afford the operation to remove my gallbladder. Instead, the nurse had told me to try and stick to a low-fat diet, as it would not upset my gallbladder and not make me sick. So when I got out of the hospital, I began to restrict myself to no more than 15 grams of fat per day, nothing fried and no red meat.

It's actually a lot easier than it sounds. There are so many different fat free or low fat things you can enjoy. A typical meal for me would be grilled chicken and brown rice. I ended up dropping 4 sizes in just a few months, but again, I could not afford to cheat on this diet (I would get very ill if I did!), so I was very strict about my fat intake.

This might be something you could look into. You are not ill, so you can be more flexible with the number of fat grams you consume during the day. I would suggest somewhere between 30-50, which I believe is normal for the usual 2,000 calorie diet. I'm not sure, though.

Best of luck to you! <3

protein shakes and meal replacement bars don't work for everyone. they are generally used by body builders who want to build muscle, which is more dense than fat so it is less noticeable but ends up being more of your weight than you probably realize. it depends on how your metabolism works. you want to choose foods that work with your metabolism and helps you burn the calorie reserves (fat cells). if you have a slower metabolism, like i do, then you might want to try foods that use more calories than they put in, like apples, celery, and radishes, just to name a few. when i was trying to lose weight in high school, i replaced a couple meals with just apples and i cut out sodas and drank more water, along with 4 miles on my bike and 200 sit-ups a day. i started at 166lbs and by the time i graduated i was around 130lbs. i don't know when i got down to that originally but my body type doesn't allow for anything less than that. i think i probably lost all those pounds over the course of two years, my freshman and sophomore year.

now, though, after two kids and an injury that limits my mobility and exercise, i'm around 200lbs. i'm dieting and eating better, but meanwhile to boost my self-esteem a little i wear shaping tank tops and Spanx rip-offs, haha. they are a little expensive, but they keep me from getting discouraged and depressed while at work.

oh, it also helped me while in high school to log everything i ate. it helped me monitor everything. i didn't really pay attention to calories, but now that i've looked into it more, i realize that i ate more fruits and veggies that helped burn extra calories. i stayed away from red meat and only ate fish or chicken maybe once a month. i had pasta a lot but i also rode my bike every single day. i also tried to get plenty of sleep.

not saying this would work for everyone, but it's worth a shot.

[Perna]

I ran into a good show on the "Cooking Channel" yesterday, called "Food Hospital":

The Food Hospital : Cooking Channel

They covered a guy who was overweight and had a million problems as a result, a woman with chronic fatigue syndrome (turned out, in her case, she was not eating properly) and other interesting stuff (including one woman who had really bad breath :-)

I'd pick a good "generic" overall healthy diet, like the DASH diet they use:

DASH Diet Eating Plan (It's actually a "free" diet/book from the Government, don't buy anything! http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/publ...h/new_dash.pdf) or go to the library and research food/diet/nutrition, etc. and kind of start a "hobby" around nutrition and eating right (instead of trying pills, extreme diets, etc.) and think about what a healthy lifestyle would look like for you, etc. That way you can lose weight and become healthy and keep it up.

A public site I like where one does things all one's self and is geared for teens is Teen Health and Teen Diet Program From SparkTeens.com it is even possible to meet people there from one's own area and make new friends, etc.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by I will never forget

I am the oldest girl in my close group of friends.... I am the oldest and still have not had a boyfriend or let alone my first kiss (I am definitely not counting the times i was molested as a child as my "first" kiss) i feel like the ugly duckling of the pack and i blame it on being overweight... i am 178 and i cant seem to lose weight... i have tired diet pills and protein shakes and meal replacement bars and extreme dieting and excercising but nothing seems to work for me... in fact i have gained weight the more i try to lose weight. most of my friends have tried losing weight since prom is coming up and they have all lost at least five pounds.. i am tired TIRED of being overweight and i dont know what else to do. i dont know what else to do and it doesnt help when my own family tells me i am overweight. i am just tired of looking like this i feel like a monster....

What you are doing is really dangerous in the long run so you should stop.

You are in HS, right? Since prom is coming up, so you must be...

It is OK not to have had a boyfriend yet at your age.

Please look into shape wear for now since it does trim you visually quite well.

Extreme dieting will backfire via weight GAIN. Please do not do that to yourself.

[H3rmit]

I don't know what kind of "extreme" exercise you have tried, but you could try some weight lifting. Joyce Vedral has some good books for women on the subject, as a place to learn the exercises, and the public library will have her books. Plus she has an encouraging attitude and has written books for teens. She became a bodybuilder in middle age. Anyway, if you do some intense weight lifting, like heavy enough that you can only do 5-10 repetitions before crapping out, then you will be building muscle. When you build muscle, as explained well in the popular book "Body for life" (also written by a very encouraging/inspiring type guy) then your hormones will change and you will be in fat burning mode. I have found these two authors helpful. They write for ordinary people, not athletes. I am not an athlete. I feel both these people have high integrity, although no need to buy the second guy's supplements. Both books also describe sensible eating plans - to support a good life and feel good, not to obsess about appearance. (Don't worry about Vedral's implants. Not important. It's something competitive bodybuilders do sometimes because they lose all the body fat and don't look like women any more. )

Try something new. It might help. I was about your weight in high school. I look back at photos and I see a rather beautiful young woman. Too bad I had no idea about that at the time. So try to make the most of what you have and go for it.

[H3rmit]

I have a possibly great idea for you! Since you are in high school, you still have access to clubs! My experience with weightlifting clubs at high schools (yes, plural) at least in my area is that they are run by instructors who really care about students' health and self-esteem. You will learn safe and effective movements and methods. My experience with weight-lifting in gyms (yes, plural) even with athletic looking guys is that you will be respected for trying, even if you are a fat girl like I was. This should also be free of charge, and you mentioned you don't have much money. Joining a gym or even buying a few free weights costs money, but the high school weightlifting club should not. It's worth checking out to see if you have access to such a service.

Weightlifting has been of tremendous value to my health, mood (endorphin kick for hours after lifting session), and ability to do things other women cannot. And, once again, I am not an athlete or terribly concerned about my appearance. However, it's well known that building up some muscle does make you look better.