For the first time in my life, I am the most overweight in my family.

I'm feeling really bummed about my weight, particularly in the past year and a half, where I've gained back all 35 pounds that I had previously lost in 2012. My mother spent much of my childhood constantly trying to lose weight, joining clubs and support groups, trying new diet fads, and she has always done living room aerobics for as long as I remember. She was finally successful in losing 80 pounds from 2009-2011 and that was the first time I became the heaviest woman in my immediate family.

Now, my mother-in-law, who is similarly shaped as my mother, and is two inches shorter than me, has begun to lose weight; she has already lost 25 pounds. We just had a picture taken of my husband's family last night and upon review of the photo, I am now officially the heaviest woman in my family and my husband's immediate family.

Words cannot express how disappointed this makes me feel about myself. Don't get me wrong - I'm very happy and supportive of my mom and MIL that they have taken the steps to get healthy, but I'm also incredibly jealous and all around sad that I just can't seem to maintain a healthier weight. I find that even when I restrict my calories to a mere 1200 per day, I do not lose weight. At first, my body reacts by dropping about 5 pounds in water weight and then nothing... I stay the same for three or four weeks, completely disappointing me, so I stop monitoring my caloric intake and voila! back up to the weight I started.

When I lost the 35 pounds in 2012, I was taking a fat burner and had a dedicated gym buddy who would meet me for classes and weight lifting four days a week. Husband and I attempt to go to the gym together, but neither of us are very consistent about when and how often we go. Also, because I have recently begun taking anti-depressants, I'm not able to take a fat burner since the medications probably wouldn't interact well. I was also militant in my caloric intake. It was exhausting after a while to keep counting, so after 6 months I stopped logging my calories, and slowly but surely, regained all the weight I lost.

I'm really disappointed in myself and feel kind of lost on how to feel good about myself again. I don't like feeling overweight and I really don't like seeing pictures of myself at this weight.

Sorry you had to read my long-winded post, I don't even have a question, just needed somewhere to vent about my struggles.

I'm probably the heaviest woman in my family too, and it's getting me down hugely to be like this. I want to take off weight but I don't leave the apartment so it's very very hard. No real exercise, eating fattening foods, on medications, so the outlook is poor. It's a complicated situation. I'm very down about it. Hugs.

Oh my! Yes, I know exactly how you feel. Trust me! I''m not the heaviest person in my family...I'm the second heaviest. I used to be the smallest!! While I was on my medications for a few years, I packed on a good 50 lbs. That's 60 lbs since my hubby and I started dating. I was a size 2 - 4. My heaviest was 197lbs. I knew something had to change because even with all of my efforts, the medication that was supposed to help stabilize my moods, was not letting me lose weight or maintain. I made a choice, and I'm not saying this is for everyone. I went off my meds. Carefully under the supervision of my T and Dr. I knew I was ready to try and conquer my moods on my own. Since coming off the medication 1 year and 7 months ago, I have gone down to 173. This is without ANY change of diet or changes in my physical activity. I'm still the second heaviest, I hate pictures of myself...but I often wonder to myself "If I hate it this much, why wouldn't I try and do something about it?" I tell myself, "You've overcame so many struggles, found a way to deal with your mood and bring it back up, found a way to beat the demons and be happy because I WANTED IT!...so do I want to be thin again? Absolutely!! Do I want it THAT badly? I guess not because otherwise I would take a real effort to do it...which I am working on as of late. It feels good. I feel better when I know I'm eating cleaner and when I'm doing yoga or going for walks or a hike. Those thing make me feel good. I also practice meditation. It allows my body to relax so deeply that it will just do it's thing without trying to work around any stress. Kinda like bringing it back to homeostatsis so it can function like it needs to. I drink plenty of water. I don't count calories as I've just learned to listen to my body's queues in what it needs and what it doesn't. If something I eat doesn't make me feel good on a physiological aspect, I won't eat it again. For example, milk. It makes me feel like crud if I eat or drink anything with lactose in it. I had never put the pieces together before, but I now know that I have a sensitivity to lactose. I drink Almond Milk and I drink it on a daily basis. Since incorporating this ONE single item into my diet and taking away anything with milk, I've dropped 8lbs in 2 months. Again, without any changes other than that.

I've grown so very much emotionally, spiritually, and also understanding on a physical aspect these past couple of years and I'm sending good vibes your way. Keep your chin up