Hi, I was actually hoping to gain some insight into online 'friendship' addictions. I have just broken up with my boyfriend over it. My previous marraige ended because of it. I just don't know how to trust. I don't believe I am being overly emotional about this or jumping to conclusions. I truly believe this is crossing the line. I just don't understand why it happens.

[Skeezyks]

Originally Posted by rcat

Hi, I was actually hoping to gain some insight into online 'friendship' addictions. I have just broken up with my boyfriend over it. My previous marraige ended because of it. I just don't know how to trust. I don't believe I am being overly emotional about this or jumping to conclusions. I truly believe this is crossing the line. I just don't understand why it happens.

Hello rcat: I don't know if I have any great insights to share with you. I think allot of us who are on-line are in one way or another lonely. And so a large part of what we're seeking, in being on-line, is friendship. Also, since it is on-line, we don't see each others' "whole persons", so to speak, as we would if we knew each other in person, if that makes any sense. So it's easy to only see the "good stuff" not the less desirable. It's kind-of like your fantasy come true. And it can be infectious. I do think it's probably very common. Personally, I try to avoid these sorts of things because I know they are really just illusion. But I also know I am not immune. There are parts of my psychological make-up that are... how shall I say... unfulfilled. And I know, full well, that if the right person came along, on-line, the attraction would be almost irresistible. It doesn't mean that I care less for the real people in my life. On the other hand, it is certainly true, I know, that these sorts of things can get out of hand. It's a slippery slope...

well I suppose I should thank you. What you say does make sense. Doesn't make me feel any better as it doesn't make the actions right. Still I am thankful for a better understanding.

I've been in 3 relationships (8yrs, 16 yrs, 1+yrs) and this happened in all three. In the first two such 'innocent' relationships became something not so innocent. I broke up with my BF because I felt his own behaviour was inappropriate and did so before the problem got worse. Yes, my judgement may have been clouded by the past experience. It is hard not to think that in some way I have been the problem.

But I refuse to fall into that trap. I refuse too to believe this is normal behaviour. I want to believe that most men have better judgement than this - that not all men have what I think is a compulsion for this behaviour.

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by rcat

Hi, I was actually hoping to gain some insight into online 'friendship' addictions. I have just broken up with my boyfriend over it. My previous marraige ended because of it. I just don't know how to trust. I don't believe I am being overly emotional about this or jumping to conclusions. I truly believe this is crossing the line. I just don't understand why it happens.

Hi rcat-----Maybe I'm being nieve' here but what is this line your crossing ? What could you be doing to cause a breakup of your relationship. Obviously there are trust issues involved here. I know my wife was online long before me and I just felt she had a lot of secrets which did cause us to argue sometimes because she told me it was " personal " and I had no right to look or know what she was doing. Right there I knew she was doing something wrong. My neighbors got divorced when the wife met someone on line in "real life ". So I guess stuff can happen . I attribute it to just plain curiosity. You say you don't know how to trust , trust who ? the other person or yourself ?

[Anonymous37919]

Find real friends, if you can. Internet buddies are good, but you could use somebody more 'close to home' for recreation and support. Go online and see if there are social events going on in your area.

[monkeyyboy]

yes i agree, find real friends. connect with old friends if you can. ones you were good friends with once. maybe you can befriend each other again. or look online like on plentyoffish dot com. unless that was the problem you had with originally in the post and if so im sorry. good luck

[Muser]

Originally Posted by rcat

Hi, I was actually hoping to gain some insight into online 'friendship' addictions. I have just broken up with my boyfriend over it. My previous marraige ended because of it. I just don't know how to trust. I don't believe I am being overly emotional about this or jumping to conclusions. I truly believe this is crossing the line. I just don't understand why it happens.

Soooo...find any insight? I knew if I looked through the forum I would find someone else with the same problem. I came to PC many years ago because my spouse was emailing with a "special" friend. It nearly ended our relationship. I made it clear I would not tolerate this type of behavior in any way shape or form. Thankfully he has been completely transparent ever since.

Unfortunately someone very near and dear to me is having that problem with their spouse right now. Sadly there seems to be at least three "special" friends in the mix. I am trying so hard to be supportive but I'm at a loss. As many ways as they find to catch or obstruct the offender the offender can always find a way around it. For both their sake...it just needs to stop. The spouse just continues ti lie and find ways to communicate with these people. I think it is a fantasy fetish but I don't know how to help him cope.

Anyone with suggestions PLEASE help. This is family. I don't way to see them split

[youngpunk]

Most of my friends have been online and now my real life boyfriend only texts me...I really want to have sex with him soon as I feel I am too old and don't want to be thought of by others as innocent and a good girl. I am obsessed with sex toys, porn, and masturbation which I do all the time out of frustration.