[Tree94]

hi this might sound really stupid and just totally unnecessary but i just can't seem to get over my first kiss. Im 13 and to me a first kiss is supposed to be very special but mines wasn't. Here's what happened it was the weekend before we started finals(on a friday) my friends and i decided to play truth or dare so they dared me to kiss my friend Lans at first i was like no like never but then i don't know what came over me i just did it. Fast forward to friday after school i come home and I'm like "did i really just do that" and then i jurist burst out crying i was zoo upset and disappointed with my self i cried for like how many hours my eyes were really red and puffy i just had so much regret and i wish i could talk it all back but i can't its haunting me. i try to forget it but it just comes back and i can't concentrate its like I'm gonna fall apart. i can't tell my mom because she would obviously shout at me but anytime i see her i just feel like I've let her down and i start crying.Ive talked to my cousin about it and she said i should just move in but i can't.Ive always been a very emotional person so this is just killing me inside. like how am i supposed to move on from this? i believe that i have an anxiety problem so it just makes it much worse for me even though i haven't talked to anyone about it. I just wan to be able to move on and be normal again thats whats killing me if i would ever get back to how i was. i look at old pictures and I'm like i used to be so happy and i start crying because i was really stupid. I knw i'll never forget it but please just help me move on.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Awww. Damn if that ain't the sweetest thing ever!

Here's some breaking news for you! The first kiss is often a fumbled mess, like many firsts in life. That's OK! Don't worry! Please! It gives you a funny story to tell people when you're all grown up. My first kiss (at least, the first I initiated) was a fumbled mess, and sooooo embarrassing and awkward. >.< Eek. Glasses got in the way and... lol That was just a peck on the cheek! And I was about 16, I think. Don't worry, Tree94, ... these things do regularly happen. You'll laugh about it years down the line.

You've let nobody down, either. Was a perfectly normal thing to happen. Don't fret too much about all that stuff, mmkay? Wait until you're ready, 'cause that's more important, trust me.

Stay safe. :')

[pegasus]

Hello Tree94, welcome to Psych Central,

Ah, you are young yet and so you found your first kiss to be a little scary. It's absolutely fine to have feelings about this and you'll come to experience a good kiss soon enough. So you will move on from this. The joys of being a teenager, enjoy yourself but choose wisely.

If you find your anxiety and sadness continue, please talk to your doctor or a teacher about your feelings.

[Travelinglady]

Tree94, I think we often imagine how wonderful "the first" of something will be like, perhaps getting our ideas from the media and other kids who are actually exaggerating. Fact is, even what we think should be something that's sort of wired in takes practice before we get good at it. And kissing and the things that can follow from it do take practice to do a good job!

Please, please don't obsess over it. Try to have a sense of humor. I remember tales of young folks with braces getting tangled together when they tried to kiss and so on.

The thing is that first kiss is still special. I still remember mine, and I am old enough to be your great-grandmother. I didn't know to close my eyes!

Plus, remember that you really weren't "in the mood." Think about your first true kiss as the one that will occur later when you care about the young lady. But even then it won't likely be a "perfect" one, whatever that is. Okay?

[healingme4me]

The next kiss, will eradicate the first. In a way, it may have it's own special place, for you. Down, the road.
I know it's hard, right now to not fret over it. He's not being mean, to you, is he?




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[SnakeCharmer]

My first kiss was not a very good experience either. I wished I'd waited for someone I had special feelings for instead of just kissing some random guy because all of my friends had already kissed a bunch of guys and several had even had heavy make-out sessions. So I just did it and it was ... blah. When I saw the guy later I didn't know what I'd been thinking because he wasn't even my type. I felt down on myself for being so pathetic and desperate and influenced by my friends. So what I did was decide to wait until it was a good situation, with the right guy, and until it was something I really wanted to do. I didn't kiss a guy for another year, but there weren't any bad kisses after that.

Because I felt bad about what I'd done -- not that I'd really done anything terrible, I just felt pathetic that I'd allowed myself to be influenced by others -- I went to the library and checked out a booklet by Dear Abby about what every teenager should know. Don't worry, it's not racy. It's been updated and is available. It's full of common sense. I read other books that would build my confidence, books on manners and poise, written for girls. It really did help me. It helped me realize it was okay to stand strong against peer pressure and to make choices for myself. It told me how to stay true to myself without putting my friends down. That was important because I really liked my friends and didn't want them all angry at me.

One of the things I learned from reading those books was that I just don't have the right kind of personality to enjoy games like Truth or Dare or strip poker or any of the other games my friends played at slumber parties. I'd watch and have fun and pretty soon my friends didn't try to push me to do things I didn't want to do.

I think maybe you and I might have some personality characteristics in common. I discovered that I actually have a strong character and moral code and if I do things that violate it, I don't feel good about myself. As I got older, my values matured and changed to be more age-appropriate.

In my opinion, you didn't do anything bad or wrong or immoral. The only mistake was doing it when you really didn't want to and when maybe you weren't ready.

Finding that out about myself was a great learning experience and suffering that regret, embarrassment and shame for a minor transgression taught me I didn't like feeling that way. I actually credit that first yucky kiss with keeping me out of a lot of trouble in subsequent years because it made me realize the importance of toughening up so I could stand up to the sometimes bad influence of my friends. I still had fun, just not as many regrets as my friends who couldn't say no to a double dog dare.