[x123]

I'm not sure where to ask this question. I have an old friend that lives out of state. He wants to visit me for a day or two this fall. Last year I made an excuse to avoid seeing him, because it caused me so much stress.

About 5 years ago, I flew to meet him for a weekend. We drank and laughed and did some tourist stuff. Long story short, when I arrived home afterwards I started having psychosis. I can't explain exactly what I believed, because it kept morphing. In general, I believed that evil forces were oppressing me and that my friend was either part of this conspiracy or under their control.

I saw him six months after the psychosis started, but at that time I thought that God would protect me from harm. Now I am mostly an atheist, so I feel nobody will protect me except me.

So here are some concerns I have about my friend. Many of them may be delusions, but they are still concerns in decreasing order of reality:

(1) I gave up drinking and our main activity together in the past was always drinking.

(2) I think he is bisexual and attracted to me even though I am heterosexual.

(3) I suspect he drugged me to trigger the psychosis and I think he tried to drug me again when he visited six months later.

(4) I worry that he has magical powers because it seems like weird coincidences happen when he is visiting - almost like he can control events somewhat.

He is a good friend and I hate to treat him shabbily by avoiding him. On the other hand, I have so many suspicions that I dread spending time with him.

Any suggestions?

[pegasus]

Hello x123, welcome to Psych Central.

Could you be honest and write your feelings down and then share it with him? Then that way, there is a safe distance with writing it down. You could start it off by saying that you don't drink anymore and that have changed your life round since the last meeting. If he is a good friend he will understand and probably give you explanations for each of your fears.

I do know that with psychosis, our fears can get magnified, would he really have drugged you on that visit? Would a real friend do that? I will say that there are some people that can unintentionally trigger the fears and exacerbate symptoms. You may feel you are stronger now and decide to meet. It's up to you and how safe you feel.

[x123]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello x123, welcome to Psych Central.

Could you be honest and write your feelings down and then share it with him? Then that way, there is a safe distance with writing it down. You could start it off by saying that you don't drink anymore and that have changed your life round since the last meeting. If he is a good friend he will understand and probably give you explanations for each of your fears.

I do know that with psychosis, our fears can get magnified, would he really have drugged you on that visit? Would a real friend do that? I will say that there are some people that can unintentionally trigger the fears and exacerbate symptoms. You may feel you are stronger now and decide to meet. It's up to you and how safe you feel.

Thanks, that is good advice. For better or for worse, I told him yes on the visit. (He called me after I didn't reply to his email from earlier this week.)

I have a hard time putting the delusional beliefs and memories of hallucinations behind me. Sometimes I still worry that they were partially real.

[healingme4me]

Hopefully, it was a time and point, in your life. If, while there, and these feelings repeat, buddying with someone, even from here, to walk you through these feelings until you can address with a therapist or physician might help. Could be triggering some unresolved past stuff or signifying a slight injure to your brain tissue.

The anxiety alone, and worry of dreading the repeat of these experiences is stressful. Reaching out, is a helpful step.

[x123]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Hopefully, it was a time and point, in your life. If, while there, and these feelings repeat, buddying with someone, even from here, to walk you through these feelings until you can address with a therapist or physician might help. Could be triggering some unresolved past stuff or signifying a slight injure to your brain tissue.

The anxiety alone, and worry of dreading the repeat of these experiences is stressful. Reaching out, is a helpful step.

Thanks, I started worrying about my friend's visit today. I have no strong evidence, but I keep suspecting he is only pretending to be my friend and actually wants to harm me.

I was hoping those feeling were gone, but I started having a lot of anxiety today for the first time.

Maybe psychotherapy could help me in the months before he visits. I feel embarrassed to talk about these things - even with a psychiatrist. I have superstitions and paranoia about my friend even though I know they are ridiculous.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by x123

Thanks, I started worrying about my friend's visit today. I have no strong evidence, but I keep suspecting he is only pretending to be my friend and actually wants to harm me.

I was hoping those feeling were gone, but I started having a lot of anxiety today for the first time.

Maybe psychotherapy could help me in the months before he visits. I feel embarrassed to talk about these things - even with a psychiatrist. I have superstitions and paranoia about my friend even though I know they are ridiculous.

I agree that talking it through can be beneficial. Do you currently have a T and Pdoc(psychiatrist) ? T's are quicker to get appointments with, than PDocs.

It's scary to bring fears, and possible delusions to those in such positions. A primary doctor with old world/school understanding of superstitious beliefs, can be a useful doctor, to have.

How to address a spiritual emergency without making it sound like this is an everyday occurrence, seems to be the heart of the matter.

If you are under care, then there's an excuse, for a sober visit in your home. My primary, once addressed my then husband and myself, together, about the ires of alcoholism and the effects it can have on some people. I'd recently, at that point had a nervous breakdown, compounded by the discovery that I had MS, still post parthum and in the heat of August. It was my then husband being addressed as an alcoholic.

Guess, the point is, any type of break is so very scary to bring up. If you are behaving calm and in a cry for help, without being a danger to self or others, you'll get the help you need.

Really hope others can chime in, here...

[x123]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I agree that talking it through can be beneficial. Do you currently have a T and Pdoc(psychiatrist) ? T's are quicker to get appointments with, than PDocs.

I don't have either right now. I saw a therapist every month for about a year on an unrelated problem. We weren't making any progress, so she thought she might ask me questions under hypnosis. This made me worry that therapist was secretly part of the conspiracy against me (the conspiracy that exists only in my mind of course). I explained what I had experienced a few years earlier and she told me it was psychosis. I felt she overreacted and started getting pushy and angry and trying to make me feel like I was not mentally competent? I can't find the right words to explain, but it made my depression much worse. I decided not to go back to that therapist.

I tried another therapist a year later. The first session seemed promising, but then I started having overwhelming anxiety for several days. Finally I told that therapist I couldn't do any more sessions because it was causing anxiety.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It's scary to bring fears, and possible delusions to those in such positions. A primary doctor with old world/school understanding of superstitious beliefs, can be a useful doctor, to have.

How to address a spiritual emergency without making it sound like this is an everyday occurrence, seems to be the heart of the matter.

Yes, you got it exactly. I hadn't realized this is the issue, but you are right. I see this as something that happened one time and won't happen again. My problem now is simply anxiety and paranoia resulting from memories of that psychotic episode.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If you are under care, then there's an excuse, for a sober visit in your home. My primary, once addressed my then husband and myself, together, about the ires of alcoholism and the effects it can have on some people. I'd recently, at that point had a nervous breakdown, compounded by the discovery that I had MS, still post parthum and in the heat of August. It was my then husband being addressed as an alcoholic.

Guess, the point is, any type of break is so very scary to bring up. If you are behaving calm and in a cry for help, without being a danger to self or others, you'll get the help you need.

Really hope others can chime in, here...

I'm sorry to hear about the MS. and other stresses in your life. Hopefully you are finding ways to cope and things.

That is a good point that breakdowns are caused by stress and things. I was stressed to visit my friend before the psychotic episode started, because I had reached the conclusion that he wanted a romantic gay relationship with me and also because he tended to be more wild and I didn't want him to get me into a fight or visit strip clubs or something. I just wanted to have some drinks and talk about the good old days. I could feel something was wrong several days before I actually had the breakdown. Weird things kept happening all weekend. Finally I just snapped when I got home.