[90confused]

hi,

i am new to this forum i found out about it on a blog so i decided to come here and discuss. i am not very good at explaining things and i fear to be judged cuz when i did ask my friends about my problems she came to conclusions directly. that i am a desperately obssesive girl who lets herself to be treated like a door mat. i know it isnt wront but i was and i am in a very delicate situation and stopped sharing things with people.
i am 23 year old female medical student i read about you from yahoo answers and i wanted to contact you. i have problems with my fiends and i dont know how to solve them. i have tried staying away tried talking less tried being nice and supportive but everytime it was inadequete. some one would always have one problem or the other. i have a group of 15 friends so i know i cant be liked by all 15 of them but being accused at every single time is also frustrating. i have two jobs i give tutions as well as write freelance articles in order to pay for my bills and help at home plus my mother has osteoarthritis so i have to sometimes handle kitchen and household work too. so i get busy really busy at times and i do not spend time or go out in hangouts very often.
another problem is that i am fat, i have buckteeth and i have a sad/boring/grumpy/sleep deprived looking neutral face and thats why i often get singled out and get laughed at alot. i have a very good sense of humor so i always make a joke and laugh it off but everytime being laughed at for just the way i am makes me feel annoyed. i dont wanna feel bullied or that i am not good enough, but this constant thing of taunts and laughs get to my nerves and i get all negative in my head but i dont show it to the world, at least i try to so that it just says in my head.
another big problem is that i feel manipulated by two of my friends. one is a guy named imran, he says that i am his best friend texts me himself all the day and then disappears without a trace. secondly i have a girlfriend her name is fatima, i have heard her talking about me behind my back quite alot of time but the thing about her is that you can never really catch her cuz she just gives everyone an idea and everyone else leads themselves to the conclusion that Abeer is a ***** or abeer is disloyal or abeer is this or that. i really really feel manipulated and angry at times cuz she and him are the ones usually the first laughing at me and shes very pretty girl tall fair thin light brown hair and has alot of guys liking her including imran and im okay with it although she shares alot of her life with me and im always mislead with that is she a good friend of mine and is it just my negativity or she really one to be beware of. she has led everyone believe that imran likes her and that im desperately in love with him. just God sometimes makes me feel like im so inadequete. i know i shouldnt be giving in thats why im seeking for your help. please let me know what shall i do? how shall i feel good about myself when my friends think that i am desperate for guy attention, i am a *****, and im just that ugly grumpy looking girl.

awaiting your response.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, Abeer. Sorry you are experiencing such behavior. These people do not fit my idea of a friend. Perhaps, you need new friends?

6 Effective Ways to Deal With Bullies | Sorting Out Your Life
Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better - Mayo Clinic

I wish you well.

[pegasus]

Hello 90confused, welcome to Psych Central.

Certainly bullying wears you down and makes you feel awful about yourself but there needs to come a point where you like yourself regardless of what other people say. Beauty comes from the personality and not the superficial looks. Looking at the way you have written, I can see that you really do not feel good about yourself at all. You need to like yourself for other people to like you, does that make sense? So, what to do about it? Keep sharing on the forums here and check out the Steps to Better Self-Esteem forum. It would also be a good idea to seek psychotherapy which will help you to feel better about yourself and give you the confidence to deal with those bullies. Hugs

[AntonioAllen]

I always hate those people who bully someone because I have suffered from the same situation.

Just ignore such people.

[SnakeCharmer]

Abeer, you obviously have something going in your favor -- intelligence and a good work ethic. You would not have made it into medical school without those two assets.

As I read your opening post, it came to my mind that perhaps you have fallen in with a group of friends who are not people of deep character and kindness. That's something that happens here in the USA. Some people will act friendly, but at heart they are Mean Girls and Mean Guys who enjoy tormenting others. Perhaps you are one of the people they have chosen to torment.

Are you so lonely for friends that you feel your life is improved by hanging out with people who treat you badly? Or would you be better off pulling away from them, concentrating on your studies and work for a while, letting your hurt feelings settle down, and then perhaps looking around for new friends who are as serious, hardworking and intelligent as yourself?

If you decide to distance yourself from the people who are bullying and tormenting you, you could use what free time you have to work on building your self-esteem, as Pegasus suggested, so that when you make new friends you will know in your heart you are worthy of being treated well.

Remember, you are an intelligent and hardworking young woman who can learn knew ways of acting and reacting. Give yourself some time to learn those new ways and perhaps your life and your feelings about yourself will improve.

I wish you the best of good fortune.

[90confused]

Thankyou so so very much for all of your responses. I know i do have a low self esteem. Probably because of the way i look and treated..and you are right i need to improve that. Thanks alot

[nicoleflynn]

Bullies are insecure and quite often jealous of the person they are abusing. Friends don't bully anyone! The Verbally Abusive Relationship is the book which saved my life.

Boundaries is another excellent resource (it teaches us how to have boundaries if we never had any). We all need physical AND emotional boundaries.......

P.S. If there are things you don't like about your appearance, you can change them, but do it because it is what YOU want.

Another good book: Toxic People (that is what you are dealing with)......they are NOT your friends. Friends accept you for who you are, are loving, kind, thoughtful, supportive, etc.

Please........stop laughing at yourself.........those people are cruel.....the first thing you should say when some is cruel and abusive.......is........what you are saying i hurtful. Walk away (because they will try and convince you they are just "joking." That is what abusers do. Counseling would help, also......helping you form boundaries and not allowing ANYone to disrespect or abuse you. You are there emotioal "punching bag" right now. It needs to stop.

[90confused]

I understand this but sometimes they are really nice to me cracking jokes with me and im like i maybe wrong about them..and then when i distance myself from them other people of the group they come up to me and say how wrong and bad person am i to leave them like that..im confused is it me being overly sentimental or is it them being toxic..