Feeling Guilty about being on sick leave

Hello Everyone,

I don't want to complain or whine but I'm having a lot of difficulty dealing with guilt about being on short term disability from work due to major depression. I began a good job in April and fell ill in May with the worst depression of my life. I honestly tought I would not survive it. I lost 42 pounds in 2 months because i couldn't eat and I would sleep all the time. As most of you know, It's a horrible suffering. I returned to work in July but I relapsed in August and My psychiatrist wants me to take disability leave until november 3rd so that i have time to try a new medication (prozac since cipralex pooped out on me) and to begin intensive therapy. However, I feel SOOOO guilty about being off work. I feel like i'm letting my co-workers down and that i'm weak. Is anyone going trough the same thing ?

Hello melanson86, welcome to Psych Central.

If you had broken your leg or had a physical issue, I guess you would feel more ok with it. Your health is the most important thing, you need to take that time off so that you can recover and get better enough to be able to continue with the job. You tried going back too soon and you had to take time off again. I've been there and done that! Listen to your psychiatrist, it is best for you to take this time off.

Thank you so much for your response pegasus

I know the feeling to well. It has happened many times to me in the past. My therapist calls it a case of conflicting values. On the one hand I am a reliable hard worker and good team player and on the other hand when I am depressed I just can't hang. I feel like a total loser when I can't work but it is what it is and she says I am choosing to take care of myself which is top priority. Hard situation.

That's a familiar feeling for me. I felt that way every time I ever took a day off work because of depression or anxiety. Then I had to take a month off while I received ECT, and my coworkers not just in my department but in the entire organization pooled together sick leave to cover me so I wouldn't suffer a financial loss. After I returned, it quickly became clear that I would no longer be able to work because of the memory loss I experienced, and I had to leave the organization altogether. I felt horribly guilty and ashamed, almost as if I'd stolen something from these very generous people.

As pegasus mentioned, your illness is no different than cancer or heart disease or injuries from an accident. I don't think you would never think less of someone because she took time away from work to undergo chemotherapy or learn to speak again after a stroke. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to any other person struggling with a serious illness, and remember that instead of letting your colleagues down, you are ensuring that they will get back a healthier, happier coworker.

I am on disability due to mental conditions getting in the way of me being able to work...and sometimes I end up feeling guilty about it. Though there is no reason to be guilty over things like that...it wont help and well its clear you need to take care of yourself, get the help you need that is the important thing...but you didn't choose to have depression or for it to effect you that much so its not any fault of yours that you're unable to go to work right now.

Thank you everyone, your responses have helped me a great deal

There's nothing to feel guilty about - sick leave is just that, for people who are sick. It's not like you have no intention to return and you're just waiting to get yourself balanced again. What good are you to the team if you're not able to contribute? As harsh as it sounds (i don't intend for it to sound that way), the team will survive without you as will the company so use this time to get yourself back into a place where you can function effectively and enjoy life again. Mental illness is very real and can have devastating consequences if not dealt with effectively, it sounds like you have everything in place you're just waiting for it to work. Be patient and be kind to yourself. You need to let yourself recover. Eat healthily, establish a day time routine and sleep a set number of hours. All the best.

I took a leave of absence from college due to a breakdown, had numerous hospitalizations when I started working FT and finally on to SSDI. Your health is the most important thing you have. What hurts the most is when you struggle and others come down on you for not meeting expectations, pulling your weight, etc. They have no idea what it's like.