[Diakyan]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place or too long, but I would like some advice.
I don't know where to start. I am a 17 year old girl, but I am still short, and I look and sound young. I am pale white, I have blue/grey eyes, and I have curly brown hair (looks really light brown when straightened). I feel as I have no place in the world at all. I was never liked well, for being "weird" or "ugly". As a matter of fact, there are way more negative things said about me than positive things. I was isolated quite a lot, and eventually my parents stopped paying attention to me as well and just gave me computers. Since an early age I was always looking at other languages and countries (Which lead to me having good "navigation skills"). I love languages and history of other countries. I've tried learning quite a lot... but I have never been successful at it. I am currently trying a language now, one that I am able to read quite a bit of. But, the problem is I get no support for it. I have no teachers for any of it. I don't even have genuine emotional support for that. I learn everything from books and observing people on the internet. To me, encouragement means everything. I've never gotten any. I feel as though I have no talents, and I feel just like I'm a mistake sometimes. My IQ is really average. I know people say "you are special in your own way" and "you have a place in this world" but I don't feel it at all. I'm honestly tired of everything, but I do have my friends. It is a bit hard though, my friends aren't in the same country as me. It would be just hard in general to go visit them. I would like to live near some, but that's pretty much impossible for me. There's a much deeper thing bothering me, and that's the kindest people in my life are gone. One I haven't talked to for a year and they forgot my existance (or hate me). The other is dead.

[lucami]

hey Diakyan, sorry for your loss been through similar stuff, I know how it hurts, especially no support, lack of friends around.. but hey, at last there's internet, try penpals maybe, talk with people via skype, facebook etc. People change, once kind they can be no more, but you can always meet someone new. And you said that you haven't talked to people and they forgot, so why you didn't? Just simple 'hello' from time to time is nice and keeps friendship in some way.. And friends from other countries, you can't hug them sadly, but even talking is really something.. My the closest friends are from other countries, and they helps me with learning languages, listen and try to comfort when I have panic attacks, and giving a reason to life, someday I will visit them all
And, try change way if thinking, weirdness is not a bad thing, 'normal' people are just a common crowd, the ones that are remembered are different and weird and ugly is more like state of a mind imo, because something pretty for one, can be ugly for other and so on~ Be yourself and you find people who will admire you as the way you are
Cheers from europe

[tabenda]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. When it feels like you have no friends, and you are feeling lonely, making new friends can seem like the most impossible thing in the world. One of the things I'm doing right now is trying to reconnect with friends who faded away for whatever reason. And also reaching out to acquaintances who I maybe didn't have a close friendship with before, but who I might have something in common with. It has helped.

[hvert]

Are there any clubs in your area where people get together to practice speaking the language you are learning? Or could you find a native speaker of the language you are learning who would like to trade conversation hours in the language you speak? It might be a nice way to meet some new people.

[tabenda]

There is an online meeting place called Find your people - Meetup. It's a great way to find clubs and social groups based on your interests.