[Dvision]

Hi

I lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I also have intrusive thoughts.

I'm a man in my early forties. I live with my elderly mother, partly, as an unofficial carer and I often feel stressed. My life isn't pleasurable and I sometimes feel suicidal.

I've joined this forum to get some feedback on my behaviour which I expect might be an anger fit, or a panic attack.

It's happened several times sporadically over the years, but the last one I had was the worst of all. It begins with anger when things get on top of me and I might knock something over or chuck something across the room. I then start shouting and screaming, quickly progressing to repetitive chanting, which I can't seem to break out of for at least ten minutes. I drop to floor or bundle up against a wall. I start crying and feel disassociated from myself. I don't blackout, but afterwards it doesn't feel real, like it didn't really happen. When I've calmed down, my head feels thick and clammy. I feel I need to go to sleep. It's embarrassing for me as it is alarming for everyone.

[~Christina]

Have you talked to a Doctor or Therapist about this?

[pegasus]

Hello Dvision, you certainly sound very distressed. I don't think this was a psychotic break as you can recall all of it. Can you look into getting some help as a carer at home, it sounds very stressful? Have you seen your doctor recently? They can do some tests to rule out physical causes. Welcome to Psych Central, please keep sharing.

[Dvision]

Hi Christina,

No not recently. I told a psychiatrist many years ago when it wasn't such a problem. The psychiatrist had very little to say about it. I might try the doctor next week. I know I should, but I'm a bit put off by medication and some of the people I've seen in the past.

[Dvision]

Hello Pegasus,

Yes, I was very distressed. The worst part is not be able to stop. That is the part that worries me. I went from angry to scared, I think, due to being unable to stop. Eventually, I peter out.

I am looking into more help for my mother. She can hardly walk, but isn't recognised as disabled. She also needs to be in a home without stairs.

Thank you and everyone who replies for your interest.

[~Christina]

You dont always have to take medications ,, there are many coping skills that you can learn that can help improve your life..

learning coping skills can help anyone

[Thunder Bow]

Are you angry because you feel you mother can't parent you any more??

[avlady]

I hope you can find out what this is with your doc and t id you have them. you do need them would think. good luck

[Dvision]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Are you angry because you feel you mother can't parent you any more??

No, I don't need parenting at my age.

[Tauren]

Do you have other stuff in your life besides caring for your mother?

[roosterbooster]

I find I do the same thing, complete with the repetition. It's horrible, I know, and it is embarrassing. I am in my early 30's. Ironically, I am also a caretaker to a sick parent.

In my case, I figured out that it was because I felt "out of control" of my own life and it was frustration bubbling up. Do you have someone who can relieve you of caring for your mother once in a while so you can focus on yourself?

[Dvision]

Originally Posted by roosterbooster

I find I do the same thing, complete with the repetition. It's horrible, I know, and it is embarrassing. I am in my early 30's. Ironically, I am also a caretaker to a sick parent.

In my case, I figured out that it was because I felt "out of control" of my own life and it was frustration bubbling up. Do you have someone who can relieve you of caring for your mother once in a while so you can focus on yourself?

Hello Roosterbooster.

I'm sorry it's taken me this long to reply. I forgot all about this forum until I had another episode again, this evening. It's getting too frequent now.

I recognise a lot of similarities in your description. I think it is to with my life not being how I envisaged it to be at my time of life. I don't blame my mother for this. I blame myself for not being very successful in life. It is a frustration; its absolute despair.

I could make arrangements to if I really had to get away for a while. My feeling is I have to deal with my life, rather than running away.

Has your episodes decreased or stopped now?

[Dvision]

Originally Posted by Tauren

Do you have other stuff in your life besides caring for your mother?

Hello Tauren,

I have other interests, but I lack what for many are the essentials such as a career and partner. This void is part of why I think I'm so low.