That's the headline of a story in the NYT.

I won't read it because I don't want to know.

One Monday, Wednesday or Friday morning I won't answer the door when my caregiver arrives. The maintenance man has a master key.

I've put off providing the right people with the right information. I have a plot. I wanted to be cremated but now it doesn't seem to matter.

Last Thursday night – as if by magic – my diabetic neuropathy returned. I have already lost my legs. It's painful and I can't sleep. My diabetes doctor is in Europe for two weeks. He left this morning.

I have an appointment with my psych doc on Tuesday. It has to be the Seroquel that caused this. I don't think that there's a way to reverse it.

Is this supposed to be the happy forum? This is just general discussion. I don't know what happens in my city or county and I don't want to read about what happens in NYC.

[*Laurie*]

Hi ciderguy, The Seroquel has caused what?

I have mixed feelings about your post. On the one hand, it sounds like your life is very, very hard- your severe depression justifiable.

On the other hand, as hard as your life is I don't believe that your desire to take your life is justified. If that angers you, I understand why. But that's how I feel.

What happens to people who die alone is, someone from the coroner's office comes out to get the body. They will try to find a next of kin - any relation they can find. Next of kin decides what should be done with the body, if they are no previously-arranged plans.

No one truly dies alone. Someone finds the body, someone transports it, someone decides what to do with it...actually, a lot of people are affected when someone dies.

[Skeezyks]

One of my favorite authors is Parker J. Palmer. There is a passage in his book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life where he writes about how there are some hurts so deep, so profound that anything one might say only adds to the pain. In such cases the best we can do is to stand silently at the periphery of a person's solitude and offer quiet support. I am standing at the periphery of your solitude, ciderguy...

[(JD)]

Not today... not now... find out later

[Angelique67]

I have lots of worried thoughts about my body being found. I don't think it's too good to think about it. I just don't want my friend finding me but he's the only person I know.

that has been what prevents me from hurting myself. I really don't think I matter much to family. They will get over it. It is about what happens afterwrds - that some poor person will find me and I can't do that to them.

And, as I discovered this summer in the hospital, it is more than the one person. It spreads like a web rapidly. That person that finds you, the people they call for help. All of them will seek solace in their friends and families who in turn will seek their own solace from other friends and family, etc, etc.

I'm not sure what you mean by the seroquel. It is usually going OFF it that leads you into such thoughts and rumination. It might be a dosage problem.

I can't say I've gone through what you are, but I've had my own battles.

Please keep us up to date. Reaching out has been a good start. Hugs

[Pikku Myy]

Hope you are feeling better today ciderguy Sounds like you are goinng thru a tough time. As far as your question, i really dont think about dying. Alive now