[Lazarus16]

Hi everyone! I'm a 26 years old man, socially isolated. I have social interactions when I go to the gym 3 times a week and when I work but I don't see my friends very often (once a month) and haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years so I've been living alone for a couple years.

I don't feel sad or lonely, I handle alone life pretty well, am not very stressed, sleep like a baby, am happy all the time but I definitely have a feeling of emptiness, like something is missing (which is the case).

I take YUGE care of my health. I have a very strict diet, I do powerlifting 3 times a week, I sleep 8 hours every night (bought a white noise machine so I never get waked up by outside noise), don't eat junk meal(s) more than once or twice a week and do some cardio.

The thing is, I found this article right here tonight and I'd like to know, is it true loneliness kills? Strokes, cardiovascular problems. Are they inherently caused by loneliness or is loneliness rather a catalyst for bad habits and those are the real culprits of said strokes, cardiovascular problems? Because I do so much to live as long as possible, as healthy as possible and I feel great but I don't want to randomly die one day because I live alone. I realise there are tons of ways you can die randomly but I have complete control on this one. If I really want to get a girlfriend, trust me, I'll get one.

Thoughts on the article, question?

Thanks!

Yes, there is an evidence that people who live alone live shorter on average than others and suffer from more health problems.

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

Yes, there is an evidence that people who live alone live shorter on average than others and suffer from more health problems.

For f*** sakes! I did so much in the last 2 years and a half, to give me the best chances to live for as long as possible, as healthy as possible but being alone maybe erased it all!

Thanks for the reply! I'll do what it takes to stop being alone.

[Loial]

You know what else could erase it all?

Getting hit by a bus tomorrow.

So why not just live life to the full & not worry about it. Who cares what some article says about statistics.

I definitely reccomened fixing your lonliness though. It's all too easy just to say "I'm happy the way things are", when like you say... there is really something missing.

I think some people can handle living alone. Those with busy careers and active social lives. Some seem to like it. IDK. Everyone does not respond the same way. Perhaps it just kills the older generation. I always knew it would kill me but never expected to be left with no one.

Originally Posted by Lazarus16

For f*** sakes! I did so much in the last 2 years and a half, to give me the best chances to live for as long as possible, as healthy as possible but being alone maybe erased it all!

Thanks for the reply! I'll do what it takes to stop being alone.

Do you feel stressed and depressed because you're alone?

[avlady]

i am alone alot but do have my husband and son. son is 25 and lives with us-i know my son went out to spread his wings and ended up a year later back home. i feel a pang in my heart every time they leave the room or house. i do like being alone to a certain point.

[Thunder Bow]

Loneliness does not kill, it is depression that kills. Sometimes depressed people feel lonely because they are feeling depressed. Mature people have the capacity to be alone. Thus you will do just fine. If you feel lonely because you are feeling depressed, then seek treatment for the depression. What is causing all those medical problems in that article is really depression, not loneliness.

Loneliness can kill. Some people don't want to admit it. many are in denial.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Im going to cast my vote and say loneliness can be detrimental to health, maybe not fatal, per se

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

Do you feel stressed and depressed because you're alone?

Not depressed but I sometimes feel an emptiness, feel like seeing friends or girls but know it won't happen and it makes me sad a bit, not depressed but certainly not happy. Disappointed.

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Loneliness does not kill, it is depression that kills. Sometimes depressed people feel lonely because they are feeling depressed. Mature people have the capacity to be alone. Thus you will do just fine. If you feel lonely because you are feeling depressed, then seek treatment for the depression. What is causing all those medical problems in that article is really depression, not loneliness.

Thanks for the clarification! I don't feel depressed, once was for a long time and I can recognize the difference but disappointed of not being able to see friends or girls. A little sad.

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by Sizzlestik

Loneliness can kill. Some people don't want to admit it. many are in denial.

That's what I feared, I tend to have a really hard time figuring when I'm in denial. lol Thanks for your input!

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

Im going to cast my vote and say loneliness can be detrimental to health, maybe not fatal, per se

But it must not be good, unless you REALLY enjoy it, which I do. But I also miss friends and girls, I joined a group therapy for men abuse survivor, I'll tell them about it. Thanks James! loll

I'm in agreement that loneliness leads to depression which is the significant factor.

For most people loneliness leads to a sedentary lifestyle - and it is THAT which puts one at risk for health problems.

BUT, you live a very active and healthy lifestyle. You are thus I suggest less at risk - I would even say less at risk than those of good emotional health.

As for the loneliness itself I found ways to add people to my life, like volunteering and joining a support group. They give me something to look forward to and hence added some hope into my life.

[Lazarus16]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I'm in agreement that loneliness leads to depression which is the significant factor.

For most people loneliness leads to a sedentary lifestyle - and it is THAT which puts one at risk for health problems.

BUT, you live a very active and healthy lifestyle. You are thus I suggest less at risk - I would even say less at risk than those of good emotional health.

As for the loneliness itself I found ways to add people to my life, like volunteering and joining a support group. They give me something to look forward to and hence added some hope into my life.

It all makes a lot of sense. Thanks Justafriend306!

[Thunder Bow]

Depression can make being alone much harder. Depression is the strongest factor in this equation. Thus it deserves the attention, denial of depression is dangerous.

In my opinion, the only people who are satisfied of being alone are the hermits.

[Thunder Bow]

The capacity to be alone is different than being a Hermit.

Honestly I don't see why why loneliness would make you more prone to strokes and other health issues. It definitely makes me more depressed, lately moreso than usual. And with that comes suicidal thoughts. So in that sense maybe it could kill. But if you live healthily I wouldn't worry too much about it! As long as you are happy...

When depressed and stressed, the immune system won't be active enough. Also, the stress hormone will be high which makes it more likely for strokes. It isn't just suicidal thoughts.

Wow. Honestly never knew that.

Originally Posted by Lazarus16

Hi everyone! I'm a 26 years old man, socially isolated. I have social interactions when I go to the gym 3 times a week and when I work but I don't see my friends very often (once a month) and haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years so I've been living alone for a couple years.

I don't feel sad or lonely, I handle alone life pretty well, am not very stressed, sleep like a baby, am happy all the time but I definitely have a feeling of emptiness, like something is missing (which is the case).

I take YUGE care of my health. I have a very strict diet, I do powerlifting 3 times a week, I sleep 8 hours every night (bought a white noise machine so I never get waked up by outside noise), don't eat junk meal(s) more than once or twice a week and do some cardio.

The thing is, I found this article right here tonight and I'd like to know, is it true loneliness kills? Strokes, cardiovascular problems. Are they inherently caused by loneliness or is loneliness rather a catalyst for bad habits and those are the real culprits of said strokes, cardiovascular problems? Because I do so much to live as long as possible, as healthy as possible and I feel great but I don't want to randomly die one day because I live alone. I realise there are tons of ways you can die randomly but I have complete control on this one. If I really want to get a girlfriend, trust me, I'll get one.

Thoughts on the article, question?

Thanks!

An article on this site? Could you post the url? I'd be interested in reading it. I can't make a comment on the article unless I've read it, but I would like to comment on your reaction to the article.

I can't do the 3-4 days at the gym any longer and, while I don't eat junk food, I'll go without eating for a couple of days. I also don't keep my diabetes under control. I have so many illnesses that I would be surprised if I make it to 60 (I'm 57 now).

As well as my poor physical health, I've horrid mental health and I am so horribly lonely that I can only pray that loneliness can kill so that I can be, finally, away from all of this.

I'm not certain that, in your case, finding a girlfriend is going to prolong your life. As you said, you don't feel lonely. I have to agree with whomever suggested to continuing to live the life that you enjoy and stop worrying about the things that may (or may not) prolong your life for 2-3 years.

Before I became ill, I couldn't have imagined living for 3 months without a girlfriend. Maybe no longer than 3 weeks or 3 days. It wasn't because of loneliness; something much more base and common... I couldn't have gone for 3 weeks without the sex. What a surprise. And sleeping alone. It took me a long, long time to become accustomed to sleeping alone. Now, it's been only one night out of the past of the past 17 years that I've slept a full night with a woman.

I'm not sure if it's loneliness or intimacy or a combination of the two that I feel. The combination, most likely. Love. I miss love. Doesn't even matter if it's human love. I loved my cat and he loved me in return. And he slept on the bed with me. I wasn't lonely when he was around. I could trust him.

I'm in a pretty horrible spot today – it's taken me almost 3 hours to write the last paragraphs. If you're happy with the life that you lead and don't feel lonely then it's unlikely that 'being alone' would have any impact on your life expectancy. My problem, the problem that many people have but will not admit, is a feeling that we need others to feel complete. Nothing wrong with that, really. It's a question that those in the midst of divorce often ask themselves. Did I need my wife and son? Yes, I did. One day they were my family and the next day they weren't and I realised that my prime goal in life had not been to live to be 100 or to earn a one million dollar per year salary but only to be as good a husband and father that I could be.

And, honestly, the idea of pursuing a girlfriend because the addition might lengthen your life by a few years sounds a bit crass. It's no reason to pursue a relationship.

The only reason that I can see that you might want to go out with a couple of women is to see if that my quell the "emptiness" that you feel. And, if I were you, I wouldn't look as "dating" as necessarily a means of "finding a girlfriend," just a means of seeing if companionship might help in quelling the emptiness that you may be feeling.

At your age I was in the middle of an enormously high-octane relationship. At 11, (26 years of age currently minus the 15 years since you last had a girlfriend – I'm really hoping that 15 is a typo and that you meant 1.5 years or maybe 5 years?) when you write that you had your last girlfriend, I was just beginning to flirt with my first "real" girlfriend.

And, lastly, have you considered that the emptiness that you feel might be something as basic as unfulfilled intimacy or sexual desires? Do you have regular sexual relations? Do you desire regular sexual relations? Don't think that I've gone from the idealised romance to the gutter! Nothing wrong with having a strong and healthy libido, either. There are very good reasons for desiring a partner and friends and although you admit that you're social isolatedand that you're missing something it seems as if the only thing that you took from this article is the loneliness = earlier death portion; as I've not read it, I'm just assuming that there some mention made of a "way to live" portion?

I'll scout around the site article but posting the url would help! I think that if abject loneliness could outright kill someone that I would have would have keeled over and died years ago. Still, I don't think that it's healthy.

Originally Posted by Sizzlestik

I always knew it would kill me but never expected to be left with no one.

Sizzle,

I've only recently accepted that loneliness could kill me. I've suspected that it would be a contributing factor and I guess that's what I still believe. Cause of death, heart attack; contributing factor(s), apathy and loneliness.

But the "never expected to be left with no one"? Yes, that's something that I never expected, either. I had to fill out the paperwork this weekend to see my new shrink on the 28th and I just left the emergency contact area blank. Previously, I had always listed my aunt in Texas but after her response to my disclosure of my mental illnesses, I don't think that she would be of much help.

I think that should be my new mantra:

I never expected to be left with no one

If I get quizzed about it again, as I did with Medicaid recently, I'll just have to reiterate: no, no one. No, no one. I have a lot of people who owe me a lot of money, so there's a chance that my cremation wishes might come true. I've all of that written down. But as for someone visiting me before or after death? No one. No one at all.

Before I lost my mind, I had so many friends and lovers. I even had a few when I first got out. But they were disappointed at how much I had changed. And I was disappointed at how much they had not.

Now I've another possible grave marker. This is my third to chose from.

Thanks.

[Thunder Bow]

There seems to be a cultural stigma associated with loneliness. There is no need to feel guilty when one is alone. Our society is an lonely one. Some times we are forced to be alone due to the way society is set up. It is impossible to have people around you all the time. Some times it is good to spend some time alone. Never ever feel guilty when you are alone.