Is it true loneliness kills?

Apr 24, 2016, 09:35 PM

I agree, we need alone time, but also we need interaction time. Being alone for a long period of time isn't healthy in most cases.

Lazarus16 · Apr 24, 2016, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ciderguy

An article on this site? Could you post the url? I'd be interested in reading it. I can't make a comment on the article unless I've read it, but I would like to comment on your reaction to the article.

I can't do the 3-4 days at the gym any longer and, while I don't eat junk food, I'll go without eating for a couple of days. I also don't keep my diabetes under control. I have so many illnesses that I would be surprised if I make it to 60 (I'm 57 now).

As well as my poor physical health, I've horrid mental health and I am so horribly lonely that I can only pray that loneliness can kill so that I can be, finally, away from all of this.

I'm not certain that, in your case, finding a girlfriend is going to prolong your life. As you said, you don't feel lonely. I have to agree with whomever suggested to continuing to live the life that you enjoy and stop worrying about the things that may (or may not) prolong your life for 2-3 years.

Before I became ill, I couldn't have imagined living for 3 months without a girlfriend. Maybe no longer than 3 weeks or 3 days. It wasn't because of loneliness; something much more base and common... I couldn't have gone for 3 weeks without the sex. What a surprise. And sleeping alone. It took me a long, long time to become accustomed to sleeping alone. Now, it's been only one night out of the past of the past 17 years that I've slept a full night with a woman.

I'm not sure if it's loneliness or intimacy or a combination of the two that I feel. The combination, most likely. Love. I miss love. Doesn't even matter if it's human love. I loved my cat and he loved me in return. And he slept on the bed with me. I wasn't lonely when he was around. I could trust him.

I'm in a pretty horrible spot today – it's taken me almost 3 hours to write the last paragraphs. If you're happy with the life that you lead and don't feel lonely then it's unlikely that 'being alone' would have any impact on your life expectancy. My problem, the problem that many people have but will not admit, is a feeling that we need others to feel complete. Nothing wrong with that, really. It's a question that those in the midst of divorce often ask themselves. Did I need my wife and son? Yes, I did. One day they were my family and the next day they weren't and I realised that my prime goal in life had not been to live to be 100 or to earn a one million dollar per year salary but only to be as good a husband and father that I could be.

And, honestly, the idea of pursuing a girlfriend because the addition might lengthen your life by a few years sounds a bit crass. It's no reason to pursue a relationship.

The only reason that I can see that you might want to go out with a couple of women is to see if that my quell the "emptiness" that you feel. And, if I were you, I wouldn't look as "dating" as necessarily a means of "finding a girlfriend," just a means of seeing if companionship might help in quelling the emptiness that you may be feeling.

At your age I was in the middle of an enormously high-octane relationship. At 11, (26 years of age currently minus the 15 years since you last had a girlfriend – I'm really hoping that 15 is a typo and that you meant 1.5 years or maybe 5 years?) when you write that you had your last girlfriend, I was just beginning to flirt with my first "real" girlfriend.

And, lastly, have you considered that the emptiness that you feel might be something as basic as unfulfilled intimacy or sexual desires? Do you have regular sexual relations? Do you desire regular sexual relations? Don't think that I've gone from the idealised romance to the gutter! Nothing wrong with having a strong and healthy libido, either. There are very good reasons for desiring a partner and friends and although you admit that you're social isolatedand that you're missing something it seems as if the only thing that you took from this article is the loneliness = earlier death portion; as I've not read it, I'm just assuming that there some mention made of a "way to live" portion?

I'll scout around the site article but posting the url would help! I think that if abject loneliness could outright kill someone that I would have would have keeled over and died years ago. Still, I don't think that it's healthy.

Hey Ciderguy, long time not talked, how are you? Sure, here it is :

https://www.psychologytoday.com/arti...ers-loneliness

Don't be so fatalist Cider, you could live much longer, we don't know.

I wish you to live many, many, more years. I know your life is far from ideal, it must be terribly difficult but don't lose hope, we never know what might happen and something could happen that could change your life all for the best, we don't know. I wish you that.

Yeah, partly. I wish every night that there could be a girl I could hug when I go to bed but during the day, I feel great and certainly not lonely. I miss the human touch and I'm in need of affection but I do all I can to not think about it so it doesn't affect me. It works 95% of the time but since love is a fundamental need, I guess I can't totally take it out of my life.

17 years? I beat you because I've never slept with a woman other than my mother but that's not a record to be proud of. lol I totally understand Cider, I never had sex but masturbation feels so good, I don't do it more than once every other day but it gives me a YUGE smile! HAHAHAHA!! Sleeping alone was tough for some time, then I went to this Benjo store in my town, they have over 10 000 plushs!! I don't care if plushs are for kids, I bought a really soft bunny (this one https://www.amazon.ca/Jellycat-Bashf...jellycat+large , only cost me 40$ though) and I sleep with it every night. I guess I trick my mind into thinking that a girl and it somehow works because I sleep like a baby ever since I bought it. LOLL This bunny is so soft, I love it.

Oh yeah, there used to be the neighbour's cat that would come to my father's house. I loved it so much in all honesty, I seriously contemplated the idea of kidnapping the cat

but since it was owned by my neighbour, I was sure my neighbour would find out eventually and I didn't want to keep the cat inside forever, our house was not a prison! I fed the cat chicken, once and he would not eat ANYTHING but chicken, he loved it, after that, he would never leave me alone. lol

Mmh, yeah, makes you think when you look at it from this perspective. I definitely need social interactions to feel 100% happy. I'd love to have a girlfriend but don't like marriage and babies get on my nerve lol but I have no problems with kids. I won't have kids before finishing my studies though, I feel it would be irresponsible for the kid, me and my girlfriend. It touches me that you take all this time to reply me, thank you, I really appreciate it! I hope you'll feel better soon.

Yeah, this could work... we never know. I don't lose anything trying.

No it's not Cider and that's what's worse. Had my last girlfriend at 11, I got sexually abused at 13 and spent the last 13 years, putting back the pieces on the jigsaw of my life and I'm getting close to being done, so close but there remains a few pieces to put in.

I often did. I never had sex. Basically, I was hugged by one girl during the last 15 years (apart from my mother or family members) and that was it. No kiss, nothing. I'm in need of affection, it's obvious but I feel something is blocking me from getting the love I want. I joined a group from men that are sexual abuse survivor, I'm confident it will help me.

Yes, I was wondering if I really had to seek a girlfriend asap or might end up dying randomly. lol Now that it seems to me that I won't die tomorrow from being alone, I'm reassured.

I understand. Thanks again for the reply Ciderguy, I really appreciated it!

Lazarus16 · Apr 24, 2016, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

When depressed and stressed, the immune system won't be active enough. Also, the stress hormone will be high which makes it more likely for strokes. It isn't just suicidal thoughts.

I do catch colds every winter, it's really annoying. People I know don't understand why since I eat optimally, I do powerlifting 3 times a week, I sleep 8 hours a night so maybe it's the stress. I don't know.

EDIT

I did some research on this website and I do a lot of the things mentioned. I sometimes...

-have difficulty concentrating on mental tasks
-forget things
-sweat from my feet
-can't sit still
-I stroke my beard (lol)
-I ''knee jiggle''

and I realise it could all be due to other things BUT it could also be stress. Who knows.

yagr · Apr 25, 2016, 12:28 AM

I'm an introvert. An active social life would make me miserable and that in turn would shorten my life.

Pikku Myy · Apr 25, 2016, 12:40 AM

I enjoy my own company as well, but it feels better when you have someone to share it with. Friend, partner to bounce off silly ideas

Artchic528 · Apr 25, 2016, 04:40 AM

I'm not the social type, not by choice or by personality, but by my experience with others over the years. I grew to learn that my socialization skills are subpar at best and make other people uncomfortable, angry or even downright loathsome of me. I then learned that it's best to just keep to myself.

Lazarus16 · Apr 25, 2016, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm not the social type, not by choice or by personality, but by my experience with others over the years. I grew to learn that my socialization skills are subpar at best and make other people uncomfortable, angry or even downright loathsome of me. I then learned that it's best to just keep to myself.

Artchic, we can all aspire for better. Ask yourself, ''if someone can do this, why can't I?'' and no excuses! lol We live in a world of abundance, sure, we are not as skilled as every one of us in every field but with constant efforts come results. If you tried something and it doesn't seem to work, try something else. There is an abundance of things you can do to improve your socialization skills or any sphere of your life, tons of people that can help you. No one will do it for you but a lot will want to help you, though, it's undeniable. It's up to you to really want it and give it all, to obtain what you want. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences. Don't be afraid to fail, you have the potential to be just as good as anybody in social skills. Don't compare yourself to others, do all you can to improve, every day and I can guarantee you it will work. It worked for me, it worked for friends, it will work for you.

eskielover · Apr 27, 2016, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

In my opinion, the only people who are satisfied of being alone are the hermits.

Honestly it I was still living with my H I probably would have killed myself by now (left to live alone 9 years ago).

I moved 2100 miles away to where I didn't know anyone but I'm so active now & involved with the church community & the horse community, volunteering all over the place, also involved with the wonderful small town community I live in & ballroom dancing classes. It's like I have a whole new & wonderful life while living alone on my little 10 acre farm is my quiet retreat. I need that alone time with all I'm involved in & all the things that just come up in my life out of the blue.

There are many other single women in my community who are also as involved (or even more). We all love our alone time but also enjoy our connecting & together time....not at all hermits.

Apr 27, 2016, 05:10 PM

But still you see people and have relationships, so you are not alone

eskielover · Apr 27, 2016, 11:09 PM

I am alone more hours of the day than I am with people & I am satisfied being alone when I am home. I don't have the need to constantly be around people. Not all people who are satisfied being alone are hermits. Many of us have a healthy balance.

I was more lonely when I was married & living with my exH than I am now living alone.

Artchic528 · Apr 28, 2016, 12:29 AM

What if nobody wants to get to know you? What if they don't even want to give you the time of day? What if they judge you too quickly and just walk away without bothering to get to know you?

See, it's not whether or not I choose to be social, but up to those I chose to be social with to engage in that social interaction. When they don't engage, there is little I can do, it seems, as you can't control other people. So, yeah, I'm pretty much destined to a life of destitude it seems.

Apr 28, 2016, 12:50 AM

OP,

You will not die of loneliness. You take good care of yourself, work and see people at the gym 3 times a week. You said you could get a GF if you wanted one.

You'll be fine.

Lazarus16 · Apr 30, 2016, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

OP,

You will not die of loneliness. You take good care of yourself, work and see people at the gym 3 times a week. You said you could get a GF if you wanted one.

You'll be fine.

I know I will. Thanks, Valentina.

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