Need to stop attention seeking behavior

Hi, IDK where this goes, so I'm putting it here.

I need to stop attention seeking behavior. Sometimes I want attention & will call, txt, or post of fb. I know I shouldn't bother people this way. Besides, every time I do it, I can see how much it anoys people. How do you stop yourself from wanting attention?

What are you calling, texting, and posting about?

Tuesday I called my brother, but he didn't answer, so I left a message, just saying, "call me when you get a chance." He didn't call back, so two days later, on Thursday I called again and left another message saying the same thing. I shouldn't have been pushy about the second call, but just wanted to talk to someone.

Anyway, he never called back and I still wanted to talk to people so Saturday I went to a writers group meeting. It's not my usual meeting, but one person from my Tuesday group also goes to the Saturday group. Sometimes he txts me, but not often. I got the feeling he didn't want to talk to me, so I didn't say anything & just sat quietly. When I was getting ready to leave he asked if I got the stuff he mailed. I said no, but the mail hadn't come before I left my house. When I got home I felt kind of lonley and wanted attention. The mail had came and his stuff was there, so I used that as an excuse to txt him even though I know a woman should never initiate a conversation. I texted "just picked up the mail & your stuff is here." He txted back "good" and thats where it ended.

On FB I posted some pictures I took while hiking by myself last weekend and said it was a pretty hike, but pretty difficult. I didn't get any likes & only 1 comment. my cousian said I should stop trying to get everyone's attention & delete my FB account 'cus no one likes me. her comment got 7 likes.

I know no one likes me, but still sometimes I want attention. I want to know how to stop that feeling so I don't bother people anymore.

What need is the attention filling? Is it acceptance, approval. etc.? And is it something that you could give to yourself instead of having to seek an external source?

For me, attention-seeking was for approval because I had low self-esteem. By giving approval to myself and caring for myself I became less needy.

I know the feeling.

The only real way to stop this behavior, as someone else alluded to, is to fill or eliminate that need in a deeper way.

Attention seeking stems from our worst enemy - the human ego, which always wants more - more food, more sex, more attention, more money, more material things, etc.

You need to come to a realization that it's your ego that is seeking attention, and that, even if you get the attention you seek, it's only enough temporarily. Then, two hours later, or the next day, you need it again ! Sound familiar ? Kinda like what drug addiction feels like, right ? And, we know that that is not a rewarding way to live.

This is not a realization that the mind can convince you of ... that doesn't work for long. It's much deeper than that. It's sort of like your ego has to dissolve. In other words, you have to realize that you're enough without the attention you seek. For me, life experience is what has taught me the futility of seeking attention.

What you described was in no way bothersome. It is reasonable to want to have human contact. You did the right thing re-assuring the guy from your group that you received his materials in the mail. You might try liking some Facebook pages related to hiking and/or writing; then you will develop a circle of Facebook friends who likely will appreciate your photos and comments. Your cousin wasn't being very nice. I often see people lament that they sought attention--it is natural and normal to want attention; good friendships are based on positive healthy exchanges of attention and care for others. I encourage you to keep doing what you are doing and tell your cousin to 'be nice'

Mostly I'm just lonely and want to talk to people sometimes.

My family doesn't like me and I don't have any friends, so if I have no one to talk to. It's not really filling a need aside from boredom and loneliness, which it why it must stop.

But if I deserved attention, wouldn't people give it to me? That's what the nuns say anyway. They say if no one wants to talk to me, then I need to stop bothering them with request.

After all, if my brother wanted to talk to me, he would have answered the phone. It's been 5 days and he still hasn't returned my call. That means he doesn't want to talk to me, so I should not have bothered him.

I've tried several writing groups and only found one that will tolerate me so far. I knew I shouldn't have gone to the Saturday one and afterwards Shannon stopped me to remind me that they "don't welcome fringe elements" and seemed irritated that Steve and I knew each other and had met outside her group. It was the same with the hiking group; I was invited to stop attending.

I'm not the kind of person who will ever have friends, so I need to learn to stop bothering people and be content with my own company. How do you do that? How do you manage to control your attention seeking behavior?

Have you seen a therapist? Do you know exactly what it is that people find off-putting? Have you tried meet-ups? Cuz you sound okay on here! My brother isnt exactly chatty cathy either.

There is something else going on here. I second unluna that perhaps a therapist can help you figure this out.

I have a therpist. He says I should move because I embody everything this community hates. I have two degrees, which makes me an 'elitist liberal', I'm not christian, I'm bisexual, and divorced. Basically they see me as satan-incarnate. But I can't afford to move, so I'm stuck.

He said he's seen this once before in the 1980's. A woman in town was accused of being a witch. Back in the 80's the sherrif was even called out and she was dragged into the prosecuting atty's office and told witchcraft was illegal in this county. He was seeing her because she suffered depression & lonliness. Basically she was shunned by the town.

She died quite a few years back, so I guess they need a new witch, but its 2016 so no visits from the sheriff for me. Everytime I start to make a friend their church will threaten them.

That's why Steve only txt me in the middle of the night. He's retired & dosn't want cut off from the community if he gets caught txting me during the day. Its why we mail stuff rather than meet to exchange chapters too.

You need attention, we all do, some more than others. However, it's important to give and not just take. Otherwise, a person becomes an "emotional vampire" and will be avoided by others. Giving on the sole pretense of getting attention back isn't the same as caring about someone...not saying this is your situation at all.

Also, it's healthy to experience and accept loneliness for small periods. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely.

Therapy helps. Good luck.

You seem normal to me. You are more worried if others like you, rather than wanting to much attention. You also have a tendency to find reasons to feel bad about yourself. Just keep asking, one can always say "no". You may want to consider blocking your cousin from posting on your FB account along with some of those other negative people.. Such comments should not be on your account, you deserve better. Just delete the stuff off, as soon as you see it when you log on FB.

How are you doing since you posted?

I agree, too. Therapy itself is great because it's 110% about you, your life, your concerns, etc. That is your time and the entire focus is on you. It's nearly impossible to get that IRL and it is a path to explore ourselves with guidance of a therapist.

That said it sounds like you need a different therapist.

I think getting to the root of your need for so much attention and coping/self-soothing skills from therapy will help you.

I think learning to spend time alone can be rewarding and healthy.

Take care

yes i too think you should get a new t sometimes we over therapise ourselves by thinking too much what the doc and t say. we need to look inside ourselves for answers too, with a good t. good luck

One issue here is the expectation people respond. You are not owed action in response to your 'requests' For instance your brother, while possibly rude, doesn't owe you a response. Consider too he may have a valid reason not to reply. My own doesn't.

I want to point out you are self aware that you might have such a problem, this is huge for it means you wish to change.

If you haven't done so already, observe the actions and behavior of those around you particularly on social media. Perhaps you might emulate them.

You have already begun the process - that of giving this issue consideration. I agree with those above who suggest this may be a result of the need for attention, self worth, and validation. So consider those things in your life both now and in the past that have caused you to feel these things are missing in your life. My CBT therapist had me write down a long 'credo' namely a statement of why I have long felt I have not been deserving of those things that made me feel that way and why I am deserving of them. My self worth increased several times - enough that I stopped my own behavior to seek validation from others.