[DechanDawa]

I have been coming to Psych Central for about a year.

I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

I am really at the end of my rope.

I don't understand why, when I told the psychiatrist my anxiety was at a 10 on a scale of 1-10, he said he would not give me any kind of diagnosis or any medication for anxiety. He told me to change my life and practice new behaviors. He said it was possible for people to completely change their personalities and behaviors. Yeah, I think they are called actors?

My idea now is to just give up on feeling better. It has become practically a full-time job.

I need to find a job, generate income, and possibly move again in 2017. I am a writer and have told myself that the depression has taken away my creativity. I think now I have to just ignore that. I have a book that is halfway to completion. (Nonfiction) -- I stopped working on it when the depression hit. I think I should just go back to it.

My idea now is to just act normal even though I don't feel normal.

I was also training for a half-marathon but have reduced it a bit. I think I will start that up again with weekly goals. When the cold and snow hits I have a nice new gym here at the apartment complex where I moved. I can continue my training there.

Maybe the only progress I have made in the past year is that I am coping a little bit better.

The point is....everything I have tried...has helped a little bit but not a lot.

Thank you for listening. I cannot...and I really mean I cannot...continue on as I am. I need to see progress. I would say this is what in life makes me the most happy. If I feel I am making progress...it motivates me. So I really, really, really need to conjure up some progress.

Any tips would be helpful.

I definitely feel like I am falling through the cracks. I don't have a diagnosis, I am not on medication, and I am not in therapy. At the same time my life seems to have completely fallen apart.

I am going to try to just act normally. Even when I am alone I never ever cry.

I really wonder what would happen if I just spent the next year ignoring the fact that I am anxious and depressed.

I think this will be my last post for awhile.

[kecanoe]

Have you read anything by David Burns? He is supposed to be a good source of CBT help for people who are not seeing a therapist. Also, I wonder if another doctor would be willing to give you a prescription? And, there are some antidepressants that do not have the suicide risk associated with them and which might help with anxiety as well. Or non-benzo anxiety meds. I hope you can get the help you need.

[Skeezyks]

Hi Dechan: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You know... I have a pdoc who will give me almost any psych med I want. In fact, when I see him (which isn't often at this point) if I mention anything I'm having difficulty with, he's right there with a suggestion for some med or other I could take. I'm quite certain he would also support most anything else I wanted to do as well.

It sounds to me as though you somehow have gotten stuck with a bad psychiatrist. I wonder if it might be possible for you to find someone else who would be willing to try to be at least modestly helpful. "Change your life & practice new behaviors" indeed! Of course acting normal even though you don't feel normal is certainly one possibility. I've been doing it for the better part of 68 years! Treading water does get tiring after a while. But, then, sometimes treading water is all there is...

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hi Dechan: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You know... I have a pdoc who will give me almost any psych med I want. In fact, when I see him (which isn't often at this point) if I mention anything I'm having difficulty with, he's right there with a suggestion for some med or other I could take. I'm quite certain he would also support most anything else I wanted to do as well.

It sounds to me as though you somehow have gotten stuck with a bad psychiatrist. I wonder if it might be possible for you to find someone else who would be willing to try to be at least modestly helpful. "Change your life & practice new behaviors" indeed! Of course acting normal even though you don't feel normal is certainly one possibility. I've been doing it for the better part of 68 years! Treading water does get tiring after a while. But, then, sometimes treading water is all there is...

Thank you, Skeez. I was hoping you would reply. The psychiatrist I went to was the head of mental health medication therapy, and I think also like the head honcho in the whole Mental Health Department. I feel like I have gone as far as I can go with trying to get mental health help. Unfortunately, I am all alone, without a partner, friends, or family nearby as a support. I truly feel like I am headed towards homelessness. I know that sounds extreme but it is how I feel. I have assessed everything I have done and none of it is good enough. If I don't find a decent paying job I will be on the street, so I have no recourse but to act normal, whatever that means.

[kecanoe]

Just because a Dr is in an important position does not mean he is a good dr. I hope you can find relief from your anxiety

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Just because a Dr is in an important position does not mean he is a good dr. I hope you can find relief from your anxiety

Thanks. I noticed a big change in my care since switching over to a less expensive health care plan, where I cannot choose my own physicians. Also, I lost some specialized care such as from an endocrinologist.

I guess my question was about how much can we do for ourselves? I feel like I have to take things in my own hands.

I can't change my pdoc. But thanks for your comment.

Forcing yourself to resume the book at whatever pace could only be a good thing, and you won't have to change your personality.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Forcing yourself to resume the book at whatever pace could only be a good thing, and you won't have to change your personality.

Thank you. You show tremendous understanding.

Regarding my book-in-progress... I feel my concentration is splintered. On the other hand, even 30 minutes a day working on it would be relief for my brain. That is, taking a holiday from anxiety/depression.

The psychiatrist said social isolation was hurting me even if it wasn't entirely my fault, and IDK, maybe he was trying to say I need to be more outgoing and assertive. I don't have social anxiety. But I would never be the loudest person in the room. I would be the one in the corner, observing.

Maybe I could just be more like Sherlock Holmes (my hero) and play different parts in different situations.

Thanks for the encouragement regarding my book-in-progress.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Thanks for the encouragement regarding my book-in-progress.

[DechanDawa]

[quote=DechanDawa;5351971]Thank you. You show tremendous understanding.

Regarding my book-in-progress... I feel my concentration is splintered. On the other hand, even 30 minutes a day working on it would be relief for my brain. That is, taking a holiday from anxiety/depression.

[DechanDawa]

[*Laurie*]

DD, please, please seek psychiatric help elsewhere. You are not getting the proper medical care from your current pdoc.