[justateen]

im here, because i need help.. ive been with my boyfriend for 11 months or so.. and his goal from the very first time we met was to help me build a personality.. i live in a town where it doesn't have much people.. so that doesn't really help.. we've been trying and trying.. and when a problem comes.. i just sit there not knowing what to do.. in the last few months.. my reaction to all the problems, was me being mean.. and cold.. I really don't know what caused this.. is it the long fights that we face? I personally dont like someone giving me orders or raising his voice on me.. is it what caused all this coldness? his temper? i can't really control it anymore and im really lost i dont know what's happening inside me.. we broke up because of my behavior and all i do is sit there and watch.. i really do love him.. I can't lose him.. but why am i so cold? although i know that I've lost.. it's like a battle inside of me..

[Thunder Bow]

Maybe you feel you are being controlled to much by him, and those around you. That would explain your anger.

[MickeyCheeky]

If he gave you order or raised his voice, perhaps that's the reason you acted the way you did. Can you try to explain this to him?

Wish you good luck.

[gayleggg]

Does he raise his voice and act bossy a lot? If so maybe that is the reason you feel cold and distant. I agree that telling him how you feel would be a good idea. Maybe the two of you could still work something out.

[healingme4me]

My eyebrows raised at the idea of him finding in you something that needs to be changed or corrected, such as your personality. I'd grow resentful of anyone that decided that I needed to be a pet project. With built up resentment comes anger to the surface.

[eskielover]

First off, personalities develope through Ones OWN experiences a& are NOT something that someone else can help you develope. Sounds like you are young & could use some good therapy to TEACH YOU the skills you are lacking. A mu h better place to learn skills than from someone you are emotionally connected to.

I would also question if what you think is love for him after only 11 months & a lot of fighting is if fact love of wishful thinking that is would be love.

Breaking up with him might just be the best thing you could have dine for yourself. You need to learn who you are yourself, not in relation to who you are in relationship to someone else. That is best left for after you know yourself.

For me, even at my older age, the DBT therapy I went through for 2 years learning skills & learning how to express myself & my thoughts & emotions was the best experience of my life. I reuly believe it should be a class offered in high school as a requirement for graduation because those are skills needed throughout life & most parents dont know them or are too dysfunctional to ever teach them to theit own kids

Only through learning experiences like that on a persoal level will YOUR PERSONALITY grow & develop inyo YOU, not someone that someone else wants to make you into to please their own needs.