[sadplant]

I'm extremely hesitant to post this but I need to let it out.

I just want to start out by saying that I'm a 20-something year old female and I'm going to be talking about child on child sexual abuse.

When I was very young, I was molested but it was a very complicated situation where I didn't think it was wrong, it just made me a very sexual child.

When I was around eight years old,

Possible trigger:

I used to perform sexual acts on my little sister.

She's slightly younger than me and we both didn't know what we were doing. It went on for a while and I don't know why we did it.

It's been years since all of that occurred, and neither of us act like it ever happened. I'd like to think she forgot about it but I don't know anything. She seems okay, we love each other very much.

But I can't believe I did that to her. She was so young and I messed her up. I know I was a child too but no one deserves that.

I don't want to make this about myself but that's all I can do because I have no idea how my poor sister's feeling. Maybe this isn't a big deal, but I feel so so scared and disgusting every time I think about it.

It scares me more than what I went through. I hate that I did that to her, I wish I could take it back. I don't know what to do with this memory. I can only pray she's okay and that it never comes back to hurt her. Oh my god. I feel so sad.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

[BlueAngel109]

Hi sad plant. I don't know what to say but I wanted you to know I read this, and it seems like you have a lot of guts to tell what happened. I'm sory I don't know what to say to you. I was severely abused as a child. I'm struggling very hard right now, but this isn't about me its about you. Just know I'm thinking of you, and keeping you in my thoughts. I'm so very sory I can't be of more help right now. But somehow this will all work out. It will. Blue Angel :

[gayleggg]

Maybe you should discuss it with her. Let her know how you feel. Maybe the two of you can work through it together.

[BlueAngel109]

Hi. Just know I'm thinking of you!

[BlueAngel109]

[Thunder Bow]

This does Not smell of manipulation or control. Thus I think you are Not an abuser. You may want to iron this out with a Therapist.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think the only way is asking her and talking about.. you can't know. In any case, I don't think you can be considered abuser.

Wish you good luck

[VanGore28]

when I was young maybe about ten, my next door neighbour was a guy and a couple of years older than me. Our parents let us watch what we wanted and over 18 films, that probably contributed,
He used to try and force me into things, like hed say "just in and out once" and get me to touch his bits (which I remember being all gritty strange) when his mum was watching me and my brother.
We would play outside and build huts in bushes and he would knock me to the ground and I always resisted with him on top. But the next day I would get myself in the same position and go out and play with him being coerced into a dark shed, where he would plead to do adult stuff. Sort of explains how my ex convinced me into being so conformative but that's a different story,
I may have been younger when it started.

The thing is I FORGAVE him. I never held it against him. I actually slept with him while he had a longterm girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. when I was 17/18. I was hesitant to kiss him and we stopped halfway . It was wrong and I did some things I'm not proud of at that age cause I became really self destructive at that age.

But I don't hate him, he was a young man and he has a wonderful family now and he deserves it.

Chances are your sis understands that you never realised the magnitude of what you were doing. I don't know if you should ask, prob not. People forgive its a sign of maturity...

[grimeycat]

The same thing happened to my father when he was younger, his two-year older sister had abused him, but she didn't know it was wrong either. He learned to forgive her because there was no malicious intent or feeling that she was doing something wrong. Do not fret, dear. You are a strong person, and you are not a sexual abuser. I am sorry to hear you have had things happen to you that caused you to believe it was okay. I'm sure your sister loves you very much. I believe it would be best to sit and talk about it with her. It might be hard, but I promise that the closure will provide you so much relief.

[*Laurie*]

No, you're not an abuser. The way you've described it, you were just a little kid who didn't know any better.

i don't think you are an abuser. You were someone who was abused, didn't know that it was wrong, and then acted out on your sister. In a perfect world, none of this would have ever happened, but you are willing to admit that what you did to your sister wasn't right and you're so very remorseful. I think it would be a good idea to talk to your sister. Could you say something like "do you remember those games we used to play?" I think that you could both heal together. I think that if your sister is affected in any way, then she will likely be forgiving to you as she'll see that you were a victim, too, and you never meant to hurt her.

[sadplant]

You're all so kind and understanding. I don't know if I could talk to my sister about it. What if she's already forgotten about it and bringing it up is what messes her up, you know? She's going through a lot of school stress right now, I don't want to add more burden to her.

I want to talk to my therapist about it but this is something I don't think I could ever say out loud. But typing it out here really helped.