[Daisycat1]

my grandmother will sometimes get into these moods where she's so hostile. but not in a physically violent way. she literally acts like she's me and my sisters slave. it's so uncomfortable. and when i ask her what's wrong or what's bothering her it's always "oh no there is absolutely nothing wrong. why am i acting like something is wrong? i'm so so sorry i'll just shut up and go away." the only time i ever physically feared for my safety when she was like this was when she was driving with me in the car and she was driving very erratically and i was actually scared we would crash. and when i mentioned it she said "well what i can't even drive correctly now?" and i said i was afraid and she said "oh i'm so sorry how would you like me to drive miss? did you want me to stop for anything? do you want any money for anything? here take my money and we'll stop". but i can't find any definition of this as any kind of emotional abuse. all i know is that when she's like this my sister (14 now) and i (19 now) just lock ourselves away in our room. we don't even try to interact anymore because it's so terrible. she's like that right now which is why i'm asking. i just asked her what's wrong because she was like this yesterday morning but was fine last night and now she's like it again this morning, and she said "well i'm sorry i was fine last night". please someone give me a name or something i can research about what she's doing. I've struggled with depression and suicide for years and i honestly can't take her anymore.

[Quarter life]

Hi Daisycat1.

It certainly sounds like your grandmother is using 'Passive Aggressive' tactics to guilt you and your sister...she sounds very unhappy.

I also see that this is your first Post here on the Forums. For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......this is the place. There are many good listeners here, we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for over 3 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members also benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore. Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind to yourself Daisycat1, and welcome to P.C

[TishaBuv]

She sounds like she is maybe deeply resentful about being put in the position to raise her grandchildren? Could that be the underlying issue? Maybe you can calmly talk with her about her feelings.

[unaluna]

Well im probably about your grammas age, so i will ask, do you act like shes your slave? Does she still do all the chores around the house or are you guys doing them? I live alone so i got nobody to pick up after except myself, and i aint too happy about even doing that! Nobody asks to be born. Except maybe Jesus.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Daisycat1: I'll just mention here that I'm an older person myself... possibly not all that different in age from your grandmother. My personal thinking, with regard to your post, is that emotional abuse is not so much at issue here. Yes... when you are in your grandmother's "line of fire", so to speak, you probably feel as though you're being abused. And rightly so from what you wrote.

But, in terms of what's going on with your grandmother, one consideration would be how long this type of behavior has been going on. If this is the way she has acted for years, perhaps she has some long-standing anger issues. Perhaps your grandmother has some mental health issues of her own. It hasn't been all that many years since mental health issues were things people simply didn't talk about. It was considered to be shameful to admit one struggled with any kind of mental illness. One simply buried one's struggles (if in fact one recognized them at all) & got on with one's life as best one could. That's what I did for decades.

I think we tend to imagine that as people age they mellow. But that isn't necessarily the case. In fact I think that may be more of a fantasy. The reality is that as people age they tend to become less tolerant, more cranky, less flexible, & more "thin-skinned". It becomes harder to control emotions one may have handled better when one was younger.

The other thing, though, is that I believe there is some thought that anger in older folks can sometimes be a precursor to Alzheimer's & dementia. Here's a link to some information on the Alzheimer's Association Caregiver Center website with regard to this. It may or may not be the answer. But perhaps it may help.

Aggression and Anger | Caregiver Center | Alzheimer's Association

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[seesaw]

This actually sounds like emotional blackmail to me.

"Emotional blackmail and FOG, terms coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, are about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt ("FOG") are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled."

That behavior sort of reminds me of my mother, who has borderline personality disorder. The comments that she makes are definitely sarcastic and an attempt to make you feel bad for her anger.

Seesaw

[eskielover]

Has she always behabed this way or is it something that has started recently or is seriously getting worse behavior that had only been sort of a glimpse of before.

Ugh, I hate to sat this because Im getting older myself but I saw my grandmother become this way & as my mom got older, saw similar behavior.
With my grandma, it was the beginnings of Alzheimers which became so bad at the end of her life. My mother ended up dying of cancer before her behavior progressed to that bad point but she was always gettung mad & havging up the phone on me when I didnt say what she wanted to hear. I promised myself that I woukd NEVER behave like either of them when I got older & Im very careful in watching how I behave or react as I get older.

I dont know what it is thst really causes this kind of behavior. Maybe they are just resenting getting older & taking it out on those around. In the cases I experienced them were very unhappy people at the way their life had ended up & that unhappiness just spread over their whole life touching all around them as if wanting everyone else to be as misersble as they were.....as Alzheimers took over my grandma she had no idea

[nicoleflynn]

Verbal abuse is the term. TheVerbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.