I have noticed that some people who achieved very little in life academically and financially have high confidence, while others who seem to have it all, have no or low confidence. The question is: why? In other words: what is the source of confidence? Or how to become confident?

Disclaimer: my intention was not to be judgmental. My post can be read that way. I am merely trying to understand the psychology of confidence. Why some people have it and others don't.

[OblivionIsAtHand]

Difficult to answer, but many times I believe it can be chalked up to blissful ignorance, a strong awareness of their weaknesses (deemed by society) and compensating therein, strong sense of self probably skewing toward narcissism, or relentless resistance to the status quo...for those who seem to be perpetually 'confident' despite their lot in life.

The word 'confidence' gets overused and distorted I believe. There seems to be unneeded emphasis on being confident all of the time, when a lack of assurance can very well lead someone to questioning themselves/thinking outside of themselves, which leads to greater knowledge overall. Basically I've come to view the intent of the word in the way most people mean it nowadays, as being synonymous with blind certitude. An attraction toward the trait even if it's completely asinine. This is particularly reinforced with men from women and other men alike, and this odd code of 'masculinity' may very well account for why you see a lot of stupid actions originating from men. But I digress. Different discussion for some other thread though I suppose.

[it'sgrowtime]

I think confidence will come from different places for different people. if people remain confident, they could be drawing upon faith, optimism, acceptance, a plan, perception...

[Turtle_Rider]

Probably because ignorance is bliss. But mostly it is because their own personalities. It's hard to tell because there are so many things that can build confidence..

[Senpaija]

Ignorance diffinitly plays a big role, if we take general sources of "confidence". However with ignorance comes closed ears and eyes, so if you tell them something they think isn't true, they are probably going to hate you at some point, because "poor me can't take criticims" people think they know everything, when in reality they just heard it from random people.

That is what I call fake confidence, but others may disagree and I'm fine with that.

[eskielover]

For me, confidence comes from experience. Experience can come from self or learning about things from others.

I grew up with parents who had no confidence in anything & I knew that they didn't know what they were talking about most of the time....but I had to sort things out & learn things on my own. That learning curve was tough on my confidence but once I knew I knew something I had confidence in what I learned so it grew over time.

[DarkHoarse]

Whether or not you are predisposed to being a naturally confident person comes from your upbringing and your experiences in life at a young age, I think. That's not to say it can't be learnt; it absolutely can.

[baboo5]

I feel somewhat confident and I have no clue how I got that way. When I have job interviews, I feel like I am interviewing them too, not worried about whether or not they will like me. Could it be something I was born with?

[OblivionIsAtHand]

A lot of it has to do with privilege, yes. Life's a genetic lottery. Those that are born in a more supporting household or have more wealth or fit the consensus idea of attractive will usually continue to have a leg up in life and be more 'confident'. It usually stems from a sense of entitlement. Sounds like something an SJW might say, right? Well there's a certain truth to some of that privilege rhetoric they opine.

Again, confidence is really not something we want to aspire to. At least not in the way others use the word. There may be a definition of the word that allows for humility, but the more I've seen the word used, the less it sounds like this. To me, it has all these negative connotations attached to it.

There's a few definitions of 'confident' as defined by Dictionary.com. One is: having strong belief or full assurance; sure. Or: sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one's own abilities, correctness, successfulness, etc.; self-confident; bold. Then there's Merriam-Webster's "full of conviction" and "having or showing assurance and self-reliance".

Bear in mind, Hitler was also 'full of conviction'. The cornerstone of many ideologies is to be 'full of conviction'. Conviction is an incredibly dangerous thing. It's being skeptical and unsure of the reality that allows us to keep revising our strongly held beliefs into something more rational. There are immutable truths, sure. There are things that can be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt: empirical information that initially came about from an assertion. But the fact remains is that all things are not knowable at this juncture. Not all. And not only that, but less investment in one's self-ideas usually leads to better interaction with others, sadly. Wouldn't we all just love to skate through life believing what we think is right 24/7? One can be assured in one's self and have empathy, yes. But empathy usually requires distance from the self. Sacrificing ego. - - True altruism I should say. Even though altruism is in fact usually born through self-interest.-- I won't go so far as to say that the ignorant are the most confident, because that's generally untrue. But I will contend that there ARE many people who are both ignorant and confident. Can't give you any statistics there, right off the bat.

If it sounds like I'm equating the use of the word confident to, say, cockiness..it's because I am.

People often like to say they're confident as an ego high. I can usually give them a bunch of reasons why they shouldn't be.

I advise that men stop heeding women's desirability for confidence in the opposite sex, as it's ****ing them up. We are producing a society that conflates confidence now with arrogance because we fixate on the word and it becomes a priority for people. Indeed women and men; not exclusively men. Its demand invokes fear (some fear is essential, sure) and the lack thereof (of 'confidence').

I am talking about confidence in our everyday life. To talk without shaking voice and hands. To feel comfortable around people. I am not talking about strong convictions in ideologies here. I don't think we can change the fact that women are attracted to confident men in general. This is something genetic. I don't know why, but I am full of doubt of myself, even if I know something with 100% certainty, I won't have the courage to utter it at the appropriate time, and if I do, I present it with such weakness that others think it is not true because I am not confident.

[eskielover]

I have found its a lot easier for my confidence to come through in an area of the country that has similar certainty as I do in things. But finding that confidence in that surriundings & knowing that there are ithers who think similar makes it easier for me to open up with presenting my thoughts. Growing up, I just wanted to pass out, at an older age, my life was so filled with stress I had a hard time even formulating my thoughts.

I am surprised the change that has occured in my life so I am now comfortabke enough & can jump in with a group or new people & feel comfortable conversing with them. I listen mostly at first to get a feel for the dynamics & I NEVER interrupt someone who is speaking. Whst really shocked me was when groups wouldbreally remember I had something to say rather than ignore I had something to say.

I think the positive experiences have built up my confidence rather than it being torn down as I was growing up. I slways did have confidence to stick with my values but that was usually tied to action not just communication.

[OblivionIsAtHand]

I am talking about confidence in our everyday life. To talk without shaking voice and hands. To feel comfortable around people. I am not talking about strong convictions in ideologies here. I don't think we can change the fact that women are attracted to confident men in general. This is something genetic. I don't know why, but I am full of doubt of myself, even if I know something with 100% certainty, I won't have the courage to utter it at the appropriate time, and if I do, I present it with such weakness that others think it is not true because I am not confident.

Yeah, I got what you meant. I wasn't exclusively referring to strong convictions in ideologies, and was more generally referring to -- or at least started out with the intent to -- the social construct of overemphasis on confidence while we were on the subject of confidence.

Not sure I have anything helpful to chime in with since I am working towards certain truths myself. I'm sorry you are experiencing that discomfort, and I'm saying it's fine for you to feel that doubt. That doubt is not atypical, and I can relate. The fact that society puts so much emphasis on certitude is bothersome, is what I'm getting at. We then needlessly fixate on our own doubts or our lack of not knowing things, and it exacerbates anxiety. Because it's framed in such competitive terms. We feel pressured into it. Doubt's perceived as a character flaw some of the time, of course. But that usually originates from the self-righteous.

I know what you mean by people overlooking the truth because they're attracted to a very specific kind of charisma, but that's on them; appeals to emotion win out in favor of facts with the average person. The truth is often outright rejected. If you think you are 100% right, peoples' perception should be incidental. Still, it's hard to remind yourself this in the heat of the moment, I realize. Can't always do it myself. Social influence can make all well-laid intentions go to hell. I guess if you want to change up your demeanor and satisfy people, that's fine; if that would make you more comfortable around them--but you just have to dive deep and consider what you'd really want if all social intervention were out of the equation. Then commit to that, and quite conceivably the pressures will fall away the more you consciously apply this mentality during moments of intense scrutinizing of your actions, unless this sort of anxiety you mention is not in fact exogenous and so entrenched it needs to be addressed medically. I'm capable of projecting others' IDEA of confidence (I pretty much have an awareness of what they respond to) and deliberately don't do it because it just feels like pandering to me. But that's just me, and I'm obstinate. People-pleasing is mostly not in the cards for me lately (on some level it is, sure), but I didn't really start out that way; the vast array of criticisms I ruminate on in my internal dialogue and all the filtering I do may come out of a desire to appeal to someone a bit, though mostly from an accumulation of compulsions and bearing witness to untold numbers of critiques in the past - being surrounded by cynics. Anyway, yeah..maybe you have a different set of criteria.

Or there's the possibility people are not seeing your perceived lack of confidence as much as you think and it's simply social anxiety distorting your view. I don't know the specifics.

As for not changing the fact that women are attracted overwhelmingly to confident men in general, I could harp on this for a while, but it'd be too irrelevant (not that this has necessarily ever stopped me before). But yes, I guess you could say it's genetic to a certain extent, and then social programming.