[Alyhart]

I have been struggling with many things lately, and I have never told anyone. I don't want anyone to find out, especially my parents. I even made a new email to join this site so no one could find out who I am. I'm still to scared to share everything I've been dealing with here, but I will share a few. I have been dealing with depression and I think I may be starting to develop some kind of eating disorder. I started to get really paranoid about my weight, and decided I had to lose some quick. I dropped 10 pounds in a few weeks, and am trying to lose more. I have been trying to be careful to avoid my parents noticing,
but my mom just asked me why I have been eating less and now I'm really scared, and I think they have started to suspect some of the other things I'm dealing with. I'm really scared they'll find out what's wrong with me, and I have dreams a lot that they do. Sorry for putting my problems out there, but will someone please help? I don't know what to do

[kecanoe]

What would happen if your parents found out?

You have asked what you should do. I say talk to your school guidance counsellor if you have one. If not, make an appointment with your family doctor.

[Alyhart]

Kecanoe,
When I was younger (around 8, maybe younger), my parents sent me to a psychiatrist for a certain issue. I was terrified and really didn't want to go, but my dad made me. I hated every minute of it and felt like my answers were always wrong, so I began lying sometimes. during the sessions. I felt like something was horribly wrong with me, and that I was hopeless. Though I know it sounds stupid, was one of the most terrifying times of my life. I began to put on a front, and my parents thought I had gotten better, though I had just gotten better at learning how to hide it. Since then, I've been hiding nearly every issue I have and again, I know it probably sounds stupid but I've been terrified for someone to find out that something's wrong, and I can't bring myself to tell anyone. That's why I was so excited to find this site, so I could talk without anyone knowing who I am. Sorry, i hope I'm not being rude, I was just trying to answer your question. Thank you both for taking the time to reply

[bubbles00]

Are you currently in school? Can you possibly talk to your school counsellors about it? They will have connections to support systems that you can use.

I wish you well.

[Alyhart]

I'm not in school right now and from what I've heard our counselors aren't very supportive, but thank you for the advice!

[(JD)]

Is there a reason you aren't in school? You're living with your parents.... and by being under their roof (your mom) then you need to abide by her rules... and if she asks you a question about why you aren't eating, there IS a problem when you don't give her an honest answer.

If you are old enough not to attend school, and living at home, then you need to act the adult and have a sit down talk with your mom, at least. Ask if you two can talk without judgment, you'd like her advice.

Negative thinking often keeps depression close and into a downward spiral (it can begin by a number of reasons, but stinkin' thinkin' can keep it there.) But I also know that mold and some food allergies can cause depression too... maybe instead of feeling it's your fault, talk to your mom to see if it's something you're eating or in the house. There just might be a connection you don't see in your depression, & not wanting to eat. Things that make us sick we avoid.

Allergies of all kinds can make you feel crazy hon. Try to look at your symptoms from something other than 'mental illness'. ((((hugs)))

[Alyhart]

I'll try to take your advice. To answer your question, I'm 17 and I don't have school right now because it's summer, though I have other things going on. I have been struggling with depression among other things for a while, it's not really something recent. However, I was hoping it might get a little better since the stress of school is out for the moment, but so far it's only gotten worse. I've never had any allergies except a few medications, but I'll try to keep that in mind. The eating thing is honestly near the bottom of my list right now though. I'm scared to talk with her though because I know she'll just talk to my dad to and he's disappointed in me enough already. Thanks for the advice!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Alyhart: You know... I'm an older person now. But many years ago, I can recall being in your shoes. I guess the only difference might be that way back then mental health issues were seen as something to fear & to be embarrassed about. And I don't think I would even have realized I had any mental health problems at the time. It's only looking back now that I can see what a screwed up mess I was. Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early on that there were things I must never talk to anyone about. And so I didn't. Much of it I still never have.

One of the problems here is that I don't know if you've really said yet what this is all about. I know you mentioned depression & eating / weight gain. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as though there's other stuff as well? I obviously don't know. But as I wrote in a reply to one of your other posts, carrying around a load of secrets is exhausting. I know because I've been doing it all of my life. So I hope that, in some way or other, you can find the strength to open up & ventilate that troubled heart of yours.

If you feel you cannot just put it all out here for everyone here on PC to read & reply to, then perhaps as you go along, you might find another member you feel close enough to so that you could confide in that person via PC's Personal Message function. And then, if you can do that, perhaps you will begin to feel as though you could actually talk with your mom or with a counselor or therapist. Sometimes it can help just to learn how to put what you are feeling into words. I wish you well...

[kecanoe]

Alyhart, it's probably hard to believe when you are feeling so terrible, but it sounds like your parents responded to your earlier issues with trying to get help for you. I think they might do the same thing again. Eating disorders and depression can get really bad and I would hate for things to get harder for you.

[nicoleflynn]

There is no point in continuing to struggle; I hope you will get some professional help (and talk to your parents).

[subtle lights]

Just my thoughts on this, I think it would be interesting for you to find out what was the reason why talking to that psychiatrist when you were younger felt so intrusive, so disturbing that you couldn't be yourself there. It's very possible that he was't very empathetic and wasn't behaving in a helpful way. It seems you were deeply affected by it and it's hard for you to trust people like this.
I'm sorry you went through that, because that was definitely disturbing for you as its seems.

I believe it's not easy, but there are people, therapists, counselors who are able to help and who you can be open with and who want you to be yourself and don't want you to pretend anything. It's important to listen to yourself and open up gradually, never more than what you feel it's okay for you at a certain time. You deserve the help you need