[Someonearound]

I am a 39 yo male, who after years having fun in life I know come down to earth and realized that I have a destructive pattern:
Meaning, I destroy everything behind me, that includes great jobs, great opportunities, relationships, social interactions, relation with banks and whatever.

I am now in a moment in life where I have no money, no friends at all, I have a job, and for the last one and half years, I change countries 4 times (I live in Europe).

All this thing leads me to isolate in my room, I spend weekends without talking to know one, just Morning to cashiers and going to the gym. I am single and not even want to go out at night because I feel like at my age I should have a stable life by now and that makes me feel shame, so I avoid to meet people, especially of my age.

My mental battle now is to try to understand what makes me have this behavior.

Am I alone on this? Is there a know destructive psychological pattern?

[Thunder Bow]

Do not compare yourself to others. You seem to live a normal life style in Europe. I do not know what you mean by "destructive". Maybe those great opportunities were not so great after all. Choices are just choices. To me, it looks like you are just maturing. Parties and going out at night may just not appeal to you anymore.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Thunder Bow. Best wishes.

[Someonearound]

by destructive I mean; leave jobs where I was well positioned, request credit cards which I know I do not have chances to repay, do not pay attention to friendships and screw them.

It is true that I had or have an ego based behavior, but I want to change, I want to be better, and to be better I feel that I need to understand me better, else I think I may fall into the same trap over and over.

I wish I could find someone like a doctor or shaman, or spiritual guide, who I could expose "my book" and receive an advice on where does my behavior origins from.

Thanks for your words! It made me shift immediately in the thinking perspective. Maybe I am simply maturing after all ...

[Thunder Bow]

Feel free to join my forum, just click the link under the warrior.

Hanblecheya

You deserve success. I learned to stay away from credit cards, after doing what you did.

[hidihi]

Someonearound;5750726] hi there. firstly you have my empathy in feeling alone etc. i do feel, however, that you seems to self-sabotage. there are many reasons why we might self-sabotage. however, this can happen when we don't feel deserving of whatever our goal is. it's often to do with thinly veiled low self-esteem, even though the behavior can seem hedonistic. other reasons can include your need to be in CONTROL of your behavior. or success may feel like your an impostor, so failure is more desirable than being ''found out'' so speak. it's often considered that someone is scared of success and the responsibility it might brings or/and the EXPOSURE it brings. self-sabotage means you can lie low and never be criticized. have a think around the above phenomena.

by destructive I mean; leave jobs where I was well positioned, request credit cards which I know I do not have chances to repay, do not pay attention to friendships and screw them.

It is true that I had or have an ego based behavior, but I want to change, I want to be better, and to be better I feel that I need to understand me better, else I think I may fall into the same trap over and over.

I wish I could find someone like a doctor or shaman, or spiritual guide, who I could expose "my book" and receive an advice on where does my behavior origins from.

Thanks for your words! It made me shift immediately in the thinking perspective. Maybe I am simply maturing after all ...[/QUOTE]