[90confused]

Hi, i am a 26 year old female, i am a Doctor by profession and i want to share something with you all.
i have just completed my one year internship training and now i am preparing for my residency exam which is due in September, hopefully after which i will start my residency in internal medicine. i am happy and contended for what i have done and what i have achieved so far. i did my medical education while doing a part time job side by side and i was dealing with immense pressure and stress but i am proud that i did it in one go never failed and i did my internship too. i love what i do, but i don't know why i have this empty feeling inside of me. i feel so alone, so so overwhelmed. probably it is my studies abd the immense syllabus that i have to learn it all and mug up, which i am not able to do it very well, i know i should know how to pass these exams but i want to ace them in order to guarantee myself a good residency job..
or probably its because that i am single. i dont have a good self-esteem and self-acceptance of who i am and how i look. i am a very average looking girl, brown skin fat buck-toothed wavy hair, so my image is nowhere near any decent looking girl's image and probably thats why i dont get marriage offers when in my part of the world girls get married by 23 24 anything 25+ and they are considered menopausal, and when i see all of my friends, most of them are engaged or married, i feel so alone. like its a long dark road and i am standing in their alone with no one by my side..i don't know if ill ever get married or find the one who is there for me.. i have found peace with the fact that i can live on my own..its just heaviness in my chest that i am unable to address to and get away with. i don't want it. i dont want to feel unloved because i have such a loving family my 3 sisters my mother my father they are all so loving and supporting my mother is like my best friend i love them all so much.. i dont know how to fight it off..i dont want to feel blue again..

[Thunder Bow]

Do not compare yourself to others. You have much to be proud of. You are able to live alone and still feel good about yourself, do not use that as a reason to feel bad about yourself. That is just another way of comparing yourself to others. If your depression is over whelming, seek Therapy for yourself. There is no quick fix for that.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Congratulations on your accomplishments. I agree with the previous poster not to compare yourself with others. A therapist may be very helpful in working on these issues. Best wishes.

[cusack10]

excuse me breaking in. got a big feeling that it's just unthinkable difficult nowadays for an indivdual to find positive strength and force to follow with. either the force are positive ppl, or is positive eviroment, or places to talk about things seriously either online or in real life.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If you have self-esteem problems, it's understandable you'd feel this way. Can you affort a therapist? I think it could be helpful to cope with this feelings.

[salus]

Seek a therapist

[90confused]

You guys are right..i am from Pakistan and in my country talking abt mental issues is considered a tabboo. I am a doctor hence i know and im aware that i am going through something that is not good for my mental health. I had this feeling since i was a teenager but i could never understand it, i wasnt the best student in the class not the most well read not the best in sports and girls around me were blossoming and i was not. I thought if id do good in my studies learn a few skills be a good reader know abt the general politics around the world my sense of self worth will increase my teachers will appreciate me more..but it never happened that way..i was always ridiculed in my school because i was an average to above average student which was not enough for my teachers so i stopped studying at all and i ended up with below par grades..
I know you all must be thinking how did i became a doctor? I had passion for it i love what i do and i would always tell myself mentally that if id study more and achieve what i wanna achieve ill feel better from the inside..it wasnt until i was in my 4th year of medical school that i realised i suffer from anxiety disorder and depression and that i have a very low self esteem..my mental health was so bad during those days id sleep for 30 mins at night only always thinking how the world hates me and im just good for nothing..
Once i diagnosed myself i seeked a psychiatrist in my teaching hospital and i discussed my insomnia with him and he helped me alot with my sleeping problem with great stress relieving and sleep hygiene tips
Now i dont have that kind of depression and anxiety that i had 2 3 years back..but yeah i still am fighting the negative voice within me..im trying..i know fate brings us whatever it is written for us and i know how hard i hqve worked to reach where i have reached and im proud of myself..i keep on mentally telling myself that whenever i feel like my inner voice shouts LOSER at me..but yeah therapists are not that easy to find in my city..if you guys know a good online therapist do let me know

[Thunder Bow]

You are anything but a Loser. You seem to be very strong, and have much to be proud of.