Director's advice

Hi everyone
I'm coming here with a question : I started my job 3 months ago, I work on the position of a team leader. In general i got a positive feedback from my director, she's happy the way i handle my responsibilities and all, dorung the chat i mentioned that some of my tem members won't come and talk to me face to face and she said that they may be terrified. I didn't understand what she meant then she said i should tone down, less gesticulate and speak quietly. I said ok and left the offuce but now I've noticed it triggered some anxiety in me as i constantly think what and when to say, I'm concerned what everyone may think, I'm not sure if i'm allowed to participate in regular covos with other company members (or is it consideted inappropriate and no one cares anyway what i say)

now, I am an extrovert, my voice is naturally louder then others, i am all over the place you'd say, nice, friendly, energetic, with passion, outspoken , opinionated, I enjoy small talk during break time...having said that my team members are more introvert and i get it may be bit too much for them but Did my director have a right to ask mt to chenge?? Now i feel not accepted (before i had an impression that people liked me but now I'm thinking they don't), not myself and I'm stressing out what to say hiw to say and if i even can say something. i should feel this way. what do you think?

Hi molly909. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you feel anxious about your boss asking you to change.

I do not know the answer to your question. My experience in the work place was it was "the longest running show on television" ever. Every day I "acted the part" and managed to survive. Outside of work I was more myself. I did things and talked to people in a more natural style. For me it was a great "acting gig" even though it was in an office and it paid the bills. I had to adapt to what other people felt was appropriate. It was not my boss so much as the needs of the job to modify my behavior.

Think of going to a hospital and the nurses behave according to an unwritten code of behavior. Every work environment has it. Modifying our words and mannerisms so that others can hear us and work with us is important part of professional development in my experience.

It sounds like you are a very good Team Leader. Team Leaders need to be firm and strong but also approachable. It sounds to me like you are doing a good job. Remember that in a job situation it is not about being liked, it is about doing the role. I would say, carry on being you but also take on board that management would like you to be a little softer in your interactions with other staff members on an individual basis.

Hello. Welcome to PC. I agree with the previous posters. Excellent responses.

Your director may not know if they are terrified of you or not. Find out for yourself by asking and observing. Did anyone tell your director if they were terrified of you? Don't worry about being accepted. Be yourself and observe and ask.