Is this considered fat shaming?

Is it considered fat shaming when you ask an overweight person if they have eaten or what they have eaten, while not asking skinny or average people?

People in my group, always seemed concerned and preoccupied if a particularly heavy person is eating or what.

This one guy was asking this man who weighs about 400 pounds, what his absolute top 5 favorite foods were. In my opinion, it sounded kind of rude. The guy seemed like he didn't really want to answer him. He seemed uncomfortable by his question.

I know and like the guy who asked him, and I know that it was not his intention to be rude.

Then, someone asked a very heavy women what she had eaten for lunch.

Other people, who are average, they could care less what they eat or if they eat.

I had eaten lunch before I came into group, and I just brought a diet soda with me. No one paid any attention or cared that I did not have any food.

I'm just curious, is this considered fat shaming or even just considered rude to comment on overweight people's lunches and food likes, when average or skinny people are not being asked?

I'm not trying to start anything on PF, I'm just wondering.

It sounds like it was fat shaming. What was this 'not rude' person's reason for asking only the over weight person?

no here where I am this is not fat shaming. here where I am fat shaming is things like...

sitting down to lunch and someone saying.... omg are you sure you want that, its got so many calories in it and it looks like you have enough on you already. fat shaming here is being online and seeing a photo of a person and pointing out all their bulges, cellulose, big bones, bigness and so on.

asking someone whether they are under weight, normal or overweight what their favorite foods are is making conversation. my wife and I frequently ask our friends what their favorites are. i get asked by many friends, family and others that I may meet what is my favorite....

if you read the coffee house social threads you will find many examples of people asking each other what their various favorites are regardless of whether the member is male female underweight, normal weight or overweight.....

sometimes not everyone is asked the same question here where I am, it doesnt mean they are fat shaming or skinny shaming or normal shaming, parent shaming and diet shaming and all other forms. it just means those that ask me and not someone else is just curious and want to know what my favorites are. and I and my friends do not feel shamed by being asked or being left out of being asked.

IDK,but it sure seems everyone is offended by everything and anything anymore,so much so that it's hard to talk to people out in public without being conscious of,or worrying about what we say.

I have heard so much about fat shaming lately but if I compare it to what I have always experienced I could call it skinny shaming.But since being thin is socially accepted people see no problem in making comments to me.It's just as rude and hurtful as fat shaming.

It is a sneaky way of putting someone down.

I think so, in a mean, subtle way--since it is a reference to food.

I dont know. Maybe he was just curious. My mom said if he was heavy because he ate a lot that he might have really good opinions on different sorts of foods and restaurants.

Maybe the guy who asked was just getting a recommendation.

The guy who he asked seemed uncomfortable by the conversation, but that's just me.

It seemed like fat shaming to me, but done subconsciously.

Imho I'd go with your gut.
Yes to me this is fat shaming. Why only ask one person in a group a food question. Do not the other members count? Or their opinions? Wouldn't you want a recommendation for a place from several people instead of one?
If you saw this person become uncomfortable then he probably was. Next time you could jump in with your own food opinions perhaps & maybe ask others in the group too.

And I hate to say this but your mom's theory that a heavy person might have good opinions on different foods is also skewed. Don't you think?

Yes I totally agree with you. My mom try's to make me see all sides of things. She gets annoyed when I assume. She wants me see the whole picture and not part of it.

Although sometimes it just seems like she's telling me I'm wrong.

I think it's great that your mom wants you to see all sides, not make assumptions & judgements. I think that's a valuable skill. But so is reading people & if you felt & saw this person being uncomfortable...that's a valuable trait to have too. Cudos!

I personally don't believe in fat-shaming, kink-shaming, reverse racism or any of that made-up stuff. No one defends anyone who is "skinny-shamed" I've noticed, but let me tell you why. All of those things are just made-up things that are all the same thing -- being an a-hole. I think that those questions were fine unless they were asked out of context.

It sounds more like the person was being an a-hole, not so much fat-shaming. What was their motivation in asking these people these questions? They are rather personal questions, asked in front of a group?

Murderface - jinx you owe me a coke! (We said the same thing!)

What WAS their motivation??? Excellent question! Let's go back to basic psychology class & Freud's levels of the mind. The OP said that they noticed people asking overweight people im particularly, more about food. So this is not a single instance.

How many things do we do consciously, with full intent......& unconsciously almost like a passenger, but when the issue is brought to the conscious surface it's wiped away. Excused. Not related. Like calling this person an a hole or different types of shaming don't exist. In your consciousness they might not.

And yes there is kink shaming. Ask my large munch group that has black balled me, asked me to leave & not return. Yes there are many a holes, but that's a blanket statement & fixes nothing.

Fat shaming yes ! Makes my blood boil,

Wow, so the guy asked the other guy what his favorite foods were and the other guy seemed uncomfortable. Whether its fat shaming or not, it's certainly rude!! It may not be being like, "hey your fat so I'm going to make passive aggressive comments about weight in front of you.". I dont know if its being hurtful on purpose, which is what i thought fat shaming was. Or just being critical. But it's incredibly ignorant seeming.

Possibly. He was either just be nosy or fat shaming and being a jerk.

If the food topic was in reference to everyone present then perhaps it wouldn't raise your eyebrows. Maybe it's a glandular thing? I work around food, so food talk isn't about anything near what I'm reading you write about.
When my late stepdad was just a family friend, the first time I met him I made a comment I'll never forget that ooohh he must have eaten a lot of cookies. But I was 5! And it wasn't subtle on my part.
It's up there with asking skinny people don't you ever eat?

Maybe if around these people again ask if they can change the topic, you don't want to hear talk about food unless they are talking about their 5 star meal from last night.
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Oddly I just watched a video about what an overweight person does not want people to say to him. The very first thing was the comments about his food. He said if he orders a regular meal, fairly unhealthy, people might comment. Like "Are you going to eat all that? Why did you order that?" But if he orders a salad he gets comments too like "Why a salad? Are you trying to lose weight?" There is no winning. There will always be comments.

So I would say based on this, commenting on food is a no-no. Like if you single someone out and do this.

It's cruel, thoughtless, disrespectful, and disgusting is what it is. Are you able to speak up about this and tell this incredibly insensitive person how out of line they are? Is there someone in this group who does have this ability you can turn to? Is there someone in this group who ought to be doing so?

The group leader would probably not understand what was going on. He's the same group leader I mentioned in another group.

I'm not sure how to approach the guy who asked the heavy man.

The guy who asked is sort of a friend.

Does anyone have any suggestions for ways to talk to him without hurting his feelings?

As a child, I was taught by my mother that asking people what they had eaten was rude. I think she was right.

It would be okay in some contexts. Like, if a coworker said to me, "I went to a great restaurant last night." then I might say, "Oh yeah, what did you have?" That, to my mind, would be perfectly fine. The other person initiated a conversation about having a meal.

The scenario you are describing definitely sounds rude to me. Also, even if fat-shaming was not the intent, this person was being insensitive. It would be like singling out a person with bad skin and saying, "What kind of soap do you use?"