[Copingmeadow]

I have written a lot recently about my ex. I have been struggling with the breakup for five years now, and he has came back into my life three times randomly, the last one being after three years of silence.

I have decided to take back control of my life, and blocked his ability to contact me. No, he definitely isn't banging my door down to talk to me (he is pretty much ghosting me), but I can't live always wondering if he will come back.

Many times with different therapists, and my new one most recently, I have heard them tell me that I have an "emptyness" inside of me, and that I use relationships to try and fill that hole that can truly only be filled by me.

I believe this is true. I believe outside of relationships, my life is incredibly boring. I don't really do much of anything that brings me excitement. So when someone like my ex comes by and chats with me constantly for days and is very charming, it is exciting and makes me feel good.

What I want to do is find excitement, but not through a relationship. I guess I just don't really know how. How do you find excitment in your life when you a terribly bored and unhappy with it?

[pegasus]

It's hard to find motivation if you are depressed. I guess it's about finding out what things interest you and building up a toolbox of coping strategies for those tough times. Do you like writing, listening to music, chatting with a friend? Sometimes it's the small stuff that can make the difference. So, what do you enjoy doing?

[Travelinglady]

How about trying something new? Learning a new skill? Taking an art class, etc.?

How about same-sex friends to do things with?

[Sunflower123]

I agree with the above posters. Getting to really know yourself and doing something that interests you and makes you happy is a good idea. Also a great idea is trying new things. Start small with one new thing...a new activity, a day trip to somewhere you've never been, etc. It can be refreshing. Kudos to you for blocking your ex. Smart move. Good luck and best wishes.

[Thunder Bow]

Learn about yourself and trust yourself. Know who you are,

[Copingmeadow]

Thanks all. Trying to figure out who I am outside of wanting this life with him. I really feel ready to figure things out and move on with my life. So tired of feeling this way day after day. Month after month. Year after year! I believe I have the right therapist to help me. Now it is just a matter of doing it. Being brave, taking risks. Breaking this pattern.

I like what the other posters said. Do some self exploration. In time you will learn what excites you and fills you up. I'm so glad you like your therapist.

[MickeyCheeky]

Good luck with your self.exploring!