I know we are unable to diagnose. But I have been experiencing some things perception-wise for a very long time. I'm wondering what it is. Here's my experiences (it's so strange, I don't tell anyone this): a LOT of it happens when I am alone. I am solitary a lot though. Ok. #1. I think I associate my kitchen at my parents house (still live there), with my insecurities. when I'm alone in there, I imagine (not on purpose) people who have made me insecure in the past, watching me! Its been happening since my early adolescence. I will be preparing my food, or unloading the dishwasher, and I know nobody is there obviously. But Its just this thought of certain people throughout my life, who have made me feel powerless. Some, I don't even personally know. And it feels the focus is on me. And it's very uncomfortable. It got worse though, since a trauma I experienced last year.

#2. I feel very self conscious while walking in my neighborhood alone. It's a good neighborhood. But when a car goes by, I feel like the person inside is staring at me. It's a very uncomfortable experience. I tell myself they might not be. It doesn't help. It's exhausting and I pretty much give up trying to argue with myself while it's happening.

#3. I daydream. But it's not positive stuff. It's like, embarrassing stuff happening to me, it sucks.

#4. I feel weird lately, about certain music. Like it just weirds me out. Like it embarrasses me. Certain sounds and rhythms. I love music though.

What is going on with me? Am I highly sensitive and socially anxious? Is it just extreme self consciousness? Or is it something else? Is this in the realm of schizophrenia? Psychosis? I don't even know. I know I should bring it up to my practitioners.

Thanks for listening. Any supportive input would be helpful. Thanks.

[Sunflower123]

Definitely get this checked out with your practitioners and as you said, we can't diagnose. Having said that, it just doesn't hit me as schizophrenia or psychosis. I have the same problem with #2 but then I'm very self conscious. I hope you're able to determine what's going on. Good luck.

[Fuzzybear]

No answers from me... just hugs

[Frankbtl]

Hi starrysky

It sounds like this has really worried you, so we are really priviledged that you've managed to share this with us, thankyou!!
Of course we can't diagnose and, yes definately get it checked with your practitioners but I'd say that some, if not all, of this can be the effects of some experiences you've had............so while being concerned is good because it means a great start to addressing and working on finding ways in improving/resolving issues I wouldn't want you to be sticking all sorts of possible (and very possiblly inaccurate) labels on it
If you've had people in your life who have triggered insecurities in you, then sometimes solitary time can allow those insecurities to breathe and come to the surface more.......other times you might be a little "distracted" from some of the ways you can feel deep inside, but with enough solitary time........and for some people particular either non-descript or familiar or memory associated places can be places they "let go" or reflect in that way a bit more........like perhaps your kitchen...........
And what that says to me.........is that maybe it would help you, with support if you need it, to confront some of those self-doubts people have put/breed in you and to learn to recognise your true value and strengths a little more?? I know, maybe a lot easier said than done but........
And absolutely about finding ways that may help you more in addressing the trauma you experienced..........trauma's, as I'm sure you know, can have far-reaching effects.......which could include vastly magnifying anything else going on for you.......
As for the cars passing issue........that made me think of all the things you could hear about that can happen e.g. in the news........and if you're already feeling real vulnerable.........already felt people making you feel powerless..........could be a reason/part of a reason?? But with a little work on perspectives and some of those other issues.........
The day-dreaming/embarassing stuff..........do you think that again that could be linked with the insecurities..........?? Possible??
And on no.4, could be a perfectly understandable reason for that.......but I don't know........triggers which have come up anew.........subconcious thought associations..........certainly worth you listing all the possible reasons if you can.........then sometimes something might "click" a long while on, as in "Ahhh.......that's why I feel that way!!!!"

But ultimately, yes get it checked with your practitioner, it is really good that you're taking this step in addressing things going on for you, try not to attach all sorts of labels to yourself, and remember that if it is anything like social anxiety, effects of trauma etc. there will be plenty of things and support out there to help you in working through it

And thanks again for sharing starrysky!!



Alison

[SC2009]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I know we are unable to diagnose. But I have been experiencing some things perception-wise for a very long time. I'm wondering what it is. Here's my experiences (it's so strange, I don't tell anyone this): a LOT of it happens when I am alone. I am solitary a lot though. Ok. #1. I think I associate my kitchen at my parents house (still live there), with my insecurities. when I'm alone in there, I imagine (not on purpose) people who have made me insecure in the past, watching me! Its been happening since my early adolescence. I will be preparing my food, or unloading the dishwasher, and I know nobody is there obviously. But Its just this thought of certain people throughout my life, who have made me feel powerless. Some, I don't even personally know. And it feels the focus is on me. And it's very uncomfortable. It got worse though, since a trauma I experienced last year.

#2. I feel very self conscious while walking in my neighborhood alone. It's a good neighborhood. But when a car goes by, I feel like the person inside is staring at me. It's a very uncomfortable experience. I tell myself they might not be. It doesn't help. It's exhausting and I pretty much give up trying to argue with myself while it's happening.

#3. I daydream. But it's not positive stuff. It's like, embarrassing stuff happening to me, it sucks.

#4. I feel weird lately, about certain music. Like it just weirds me out. Like it embarrasses me. Certain sounds and rhythms. I love music though.

What is going on with me? Am I highly sensitive and socially anxious? Is it just extreme self consciousness? Or is it something else? Is this in the realm of schizophrenia? Psychosis? I don't even know. I know I should bring it up to my practitioners.

Thanks for listening. Any supportive input would be helpful. Thanks.

I'm not a doctor. I do however from time to time experience a little of what you're experiencing also stemming from childhood trauma. It sounds to me like a social phobia stemming from social anxiety. I would find a trauma based therapist (as I have) to get to the root of this asap. I too, have not been diagnosed. However can relate. Hope this helps.

Thank you Alison. I also think labeling it...doesn't need to happen. I was going to go back and post that earlier. It's not that important. I also believe that yes, all these things, even, especially the kitchen, happen because of things that have happened to me.

SC2009, thank you. I am in therapy, but maybe I will consider seeing a trauma based therapist.

Jennifer, thank you. I'm glad you said it doesn't sound like psychosis. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective before, and it never ever felt right. It felt wrong. Inaccurate. I'm scared to tell my t, in a way, because I might get the diagnosis again. This is a new t though. But I don't know how good she is with trauma.

Fuzzy, thank you for the hugs

[-jimi-]

It seems like a heightened awareness of... everything. Trauma or anxiety sure can cause this.