Not sure what to do

I have a child that ever since she was little had difficulties focusing on any one thing, UNLESS it was something she liked to do, and when that happened, it was all she could think of - 24/7.

When she was very little, while the other children in class were working on something, she would get up from the group and wander over to the toys or coloring books, or whatever. The teachers were constantly having to bring her back, only for her to do it again 5 minutes latter. If I attended a play or recital they were giving and she saw me in the audience, she would just walk off stage right in the middle of the play or song, and come sit in my lap. Eventually, the school said she was dealing with EBD, and for the rest of her time in school she had to attend special classes.

However, if she liked something or something simply snapped into her head, that would be all she could think about for weeks or months on end. As an example, when she was about 13 years old, on a whim, she decided she wanted to be a writer. For the next 4 or 5 months, other than sleep and school, she would write - over 900 pages from beginning to end.

When she was 18, she saw a show on TV about making fur suits. The next day, and for the next 4 months, she designed and hand sewed three suits depicting 3 different characters. Once again, other than work and sleep, she never left her room and worked on these constantly.

She's 23 now, and her whole life has been one obsession after another. She doesn't have a single friend, other than this one boy who himself has a series of obsessions, and of course she is totally obsessed with him, because she based one of her characters on him and she refuses to let him go because of that.

Beside all this, you can't tell from one moment to the next what she is going to do. The moment she gets paid, if she happens to go to the store with me, she will spend her entire paycheck in one visit on pure junk. Junk she takes home and never bothers to look at again. And she's broke for the next two weeks.

I have no idea what this is called and have no idea how to help her, but I am certain unless something is done she will never be able to survive on her own.

If she's willing to see a psychiatrist, that might be a start. I'm not sure if it's OCD, BP, or something else.......perhaps a combination. There are varying degrees of MI and there's no pathology to it so it can be difficult to pin down. Much of what you say is reflective of how I behave - I have BP2 and tend to jump from one thing to another. BP folks are usually very creative and driven by challenges, but pursuant to the latter, we don't always stick to one thing because we constantly seek challenges to keep us moving.

The first step would be to get a diagnosis. Don't guess. Once you have the information, you have the power. You can start walking down the road of management and go from there. Keep in mind that it will probably never be cured, only managed. You might get an early fight from your daughter so be patient. It took me a few years of prodding from my family to seek help after YEARS of self-destructive behavior but I finally came around to in on my own without any ultimatums or threats.

Good luck.

Get her diagnosed so at least you all know what you are dealing with. A psychiatrist or psychologist (or both together) could help with this

EBD - emotional, behavioural disorder, doesnt really tell you what exactly the diagnosis she is dealing with. She needs to be evaluated again to find out what the emotional issues are. There may be medications and psychotherapy that can help her.

That sounds somewhat like me, at least the bit about varying obsessions which come and go.
When I was 8, I discovered that I wasn't doing so badly at school. So getting only As became my obsession for two years. Then I wanted to be a cartoonist with 10 and drew comics on hundreds of pages. Eventually, I dropped that too. With 15, I got into programming and Computer Science. That kind of went on until now, although I'm not sure if I'll continue with it.

I don't know if this constitutes a mental illness. In my case, just the fact that I have a lot of ever changing interest is kind of annoying to me, because I'd like more continuity in my life. My problem is more connected to the fact that I reach a point with every interest where I get more and more anxious about not being good enough, which plunges me into severe depression because I centre my whole life around these interests.

Is your daughter happy with her way of life? Of course it's an issue that she has a hard time supporting herself, but does she see those things as an issue herself?

Hi OP,

Grath’s last two sentences were what I was also wondering. Is she happy or does she feel like there may be an issue...and can she ultimately sustain herself long-term financially.

I think an evaluation would be in her best interest...not to suggest something is wrong....she may feel judged....perhaps a sensitive approach is best.

Also, perhaps she needs to learn how to achieve some balance in her life. Her obsessions and projects do seem unusual (e.g., fur suits) - yet I could easily read books all day, for example. It wouldn’t standdo out as reading is a common hobby.

*However,* engaging in a passion while having work or income to live on AND the hobby comes on during free time. Priorities, etc....I know I’m singing to the choir.

My bipolar disorder often leads to “projects” if I’m having a manic episode. It is usually something unrealistic but feels critical and top priority .... all to losing interest after I cycle into depression. Therefore, I can relate to the obsession she has but my bipolar mania symptoms become obvious to others that I’m sick. Some people’s symptoms are more subtle than others.

Of course, we can’t diagnose but please do keep us posted. I wish the best for both of you. I’d have been so grateful to have a caring mother...you take care of YOU, too. Best wishes.

Hi OP,

Grath’s last two sentences were what I was also wondering. Is she happy or does she feel like there may be an issue...and can she ultimately sustain herself long-term financially.

I think an evaluation would be in her best interest...not to suggest something is wrong....she may feel judged....perhaps a sensitive approach is best.

Also, perhaps she needs to learn how to achieve some balance in her life. Her obsessions and projects do seem unusual (e.g., fur suits) - yet I could easily read books all day, for example. It wouldn’t standdo out as reading is a common hobby.

*However,* engaging in a passion while having work or income to live on AND the hobby comes on during free time. Priorities, etc....I know I’m singing to the choir.

My bipolar disorder often leads to “projects” if I’m having a manic episode. It is usually something unrealistic but feels critical and top priority .... all to losing interest after I cycle into depression. Therefore, I can relate to the obsession she has but my bipolar mania symptoms become obvious to others that I’m sick. Some people’s symptoms are more subtle than others.

Of course, we can’t diagnose but please do keep us posted. I wish the best for both of you. I’d have been so grateful to have a caring mother...you take care of YOU, too. Best wishes.

While obsessiveness and compulsiveness are obvious I also detect a problem with cause/effect and responsibility. There seems to be missing that 'hesitation factor' that most people have that causes us to stop and momentarily weigh out the pros and cons of a decision. Thus her impulsivity goes unchecked. Has she gotten into trouble with authority or authorities? How stable is her employment? Is she best in a structured environment?

Netherlands, eh? I am assuming then you have public health care accessible. I actually would start with your family doctor. They can assess the situation and point you in the appropriate direction with a referral. Hopefully this includes a psychiatric assessment.

Ultimately you may have to let her fall without stepping in. She needs to realise there are consequences for her choices. But be there to pick her up again so she is aware she has some support. I know this is hard to do as it is instinctual for us mothers to dive in and try to protect our children from harms way but in this case standing back may actually be the best thing for her.