[RubyRae]

A few years ago a close friend tried to end her life by overdosing on her medication.She survived.I was there for her during this time and I was kind,comforting and a listening ear in the weeks following her release from the hospital.

Someone else,a few months ago, accidentally overdosed on their medication because they were abusing them.They survived also.But I am finding it hard to be there for them.I feel anger instead of compassion.I am angry because they became addicted to the medication and took so many that they ended up in the hospital.

I don't really want to be judged on how I feel.I don't want to feel this way, but I do.I'm looking for thoughts and opinions on this so that I can be there for this person.

Both were overdoses.Both ended up in the hospital.So I'm not really sure why I feel so different about them and would appreciate your insight.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

A few years ago a close friend tried to end her life by overdosing on her medication.She survived.I was there for her during this time and I was kind,comforting and a listening ear in the weeks following her release from the hospital.

Someone else,a few months ago, accidentally overdosed on their medication because they were abusing them.They survived also.But I am finding it hard to be there for them.I feel anger instead of compassion.I am angry because they became addicted to the medication and took so many that they ended up in the hospital.

I don't really want to be judged on how I feel.I don't want to feel this way, but I do.I'm looking for thoughts and opinions on this so that I can be there for this person.

Both were overdoses.Both ended up in the hospital.So I'm not really sure why I feel so different about them and would appreciate your insight.

I cant explain how and why you feel differently in these situations. what I can tell you is why I have felt differently in these kinds of situations...

1. I was not in the same mind set when each situation happened.
2. I was not the same ages when both kinds of overdoses happened.
3. I hand matured mentally to where I could see one situation more logically rather than mentally

All three of these are a basic how the brain works and develops. in short the brain is a physical organ that evolves, changes its functions from day to day month to month and year to year... example I dont feel the same identical way today as I did yesterday, what I went through yesterday changed how my brains neurons, receptors, production of chemicals and how it tells me what to react to what not to react to.... well you get the point. the brain is an amazing organ that stores information and makes changes in the body accordingly. I think of it like a computer. with every program change the computer does different things and becomes more versatile.

I also sometimes feel differently about the two different versions of suicide because of the friendship. no two friendships are the same. example I dont do the same things with one friend as I do with the other. I dont tell this friend about this or that but do tell another friend about this or that.. with each of my friendships there are different levels of caring, trust and what have you. this causes me to think one way when one friend od'ed on their meds accidentally and another way when another friend od'ed on their meds on purpose.

I have also felt differently simply because the situations may have reminded me of me at some point in my own life when I have od'ed on purpose or accidentally, or even just thought of it, but not carried it out.

I have also felt differently simply because of how society in general views these situations. on purpose means the person was trying to commit suicide and ....in general... in many religions, cultures and so on suicide is frowned on, unexceptable and bad thing to do, theres even stigmatizing statements around my city like accidents happen but purposes can be prevented so why didnt the person reach out and many other statements and questions...

my point is there are many reasons why I have felt differently when someone I know has accidentally od'ed and when someone has purposely od'ed.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment provider, they can help you to understand why you feel differently about those you know that have od'ed.

Here's a theory and it could be wrong, so take what you will. Is it possible you feel some resentment because one person was so wreckless with their life (accidental) vs those of us who fight to stay alive? Just a thought.

[RubyRae]

Ah,yes,now that I read what you said it makes sense.

I had been so worried about this person abusing their medication,had been voicing my concerns.What happened was exactly what I was so worried about.

Maybe part of it is because they didn't take my concerns seriously.

[RubyRae]

And I guess,yes, there's resentment because they were so wreckless.

[seesaw]

You don't need to judge yourself for how you feel. It's okay to be angry with your friend for their addiction. It's okay that you feel differently about these two friends and their issues. They are different people, you are going to feel different things. I don't think you need to analyze why you feel differently. Just acknowledge that you do, and it's because they are different people in different situations.

I get that you feel some guilt about treating them differently, but they are different people. There's a different between an addict and someone who is suicidal. Not saying the deserve any less compassion, but how you deal with them will be different. It's natural.

Go easy on yourself.

Seesaw

[Thunder Bow]

You can not Rescue them. If you try, you can and will feel resentment. They need Therapy and Professional help. They have to deal with their issues.

[RubyRae]

I guess my guilt lies in the fact that I don't feel compassion for the addict.Addiction is a disease,the addict is ill.The suicidal person is ill too,mental illness.

It feels wrong to not have the same compassion for both of them.The addict doesn't want to be an addict the same as the other doesn't want to be mentally I'll.I would never think that I don't want someone in my life because they are mentally ill yet I have had those thoughts about the addict.

Addicts struggle too,just as much as someone with mental illness and it feels wrong to feel the way I do.

[Thunder Bow]

You may be doing more harm than good trying to Rescue them. If try not to Rescue them, then those feelings you have will change.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You may be doing more harm than good trying to Rescue them. If try not to Rescue them, then those feelings you have will change.

Thanks,but this is not about trying to "rescue" them.This is about how I am treating the one that accidentally overdosed so much different than the one who tried to purposely kill herself.This is about the aftermath of their decisions and how I am reacting in such an uncompassionate way(or is the proper word incompassionate?IDK).

[*Laurie*]

I've had a number of addicts in my life. Addicts are hard, really hard, to cope with. Some of my addicts I deeply loved and liked a great deal. But their mood swings and behavior in general could be extremely rough on those around them. You feel how you feel for a reason. You can feel the way you do and still work on being more compassionate at the same time.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I've had a number of addicts in my life. Addicts are hard, really hard, to cope with. Some of my addicts I deeply loved and liked a great deal. But their mood swings and behavior in general could be extremely rough on those around them. You feel how you feel for a reason. You can feel the way you do and still work on being more compassionate at the same time.

Yes,they definitely are hard to cope with.And it's so difficult watching a train wreck in slow motion and not being able to do a thing to stop it.

I have been trying to show compassion the past couple of days.I am realizing now that some of my difficulty is because of their past behavior while using and not being able to let it go.It's hard to not take it personally even knowing it was the drugs that caused their behavior.

[RubyRae]

And I think maybe it's time I forgive this person that accidentally overdosed.It's not something they did "to me",which I guess I have been seeing it that way.I think I have made this about me when in fact it's about them and their issues.

[Thunder Bow]

" incompassionate" is OK way to respond to the situation. There must be real life reasons for the feeling. I think other people would feel the same way.

[Perna]

My first thought, RubyRae, is that you might be in a different place, different time, different friend, etc. and there might be more going on with one friend and/or yourself than the other? I was also thinking about how "straightforward" trying to kill yourself is versus the gradual "loss of control" of addiction and accidental overdose. The first seems "neater" and almost more honest than "allowing" addiction.

Too, there is the thought that what we like/don't like is others is like a mirror and actually what we like/don't like in ourselves. Maybe you're upset/worried about yourself and possibilities for addiction or that "sort" of behavior.

[RubyRae]

Yesterday I talked to the one that purposely OD'd.I asked if it was ok to talk about it first,of course.We talked about the reasons why she did it,how she felt afterwards,my reactions,how I felt,etc.

It was very helpful for me.It made me do some deep soul searching afterwards.Of course I would never telk her but it boils down to fear of losing the other person.My feelings for the one that accidentally OD'd are way different and my anger and reaction are fear of losing them to another OD.And I can't imagine how lost I would be without this person.I'm angry because I came so close to that loss.I'm afraid to allow myself to care so much now and chance going through that loss.

But,I also realize death can happen at any moment for any of us.And maybe I should just be grateful they survived and not punish them for it.