[Alchemy]

I also feel very self-hating, I hate myself, I want to punish myself somehow and I want to self-harm.

also sometimes I get really panicky and start freaking out and feel like it's the end of the world. I feel like it's hard to breath and everything is wrong.

I keep feeling like I'm about to cry but can never actually cry, specially during those I'm not even sure I can call them "attacks" they don't sound like panic attacks, maybe they're mental breakdowns? I mean I'm awful most of the time anyways, But it gets specially hard sometimes. like I feel like I want to tap my foot super hard on the floor (kicking it?!) and one time I even kept tapping the mouse super hard to the desk that I felt like I was gonna break it

What anxiety coping mechanisms do you have?

A great one is the 5 Things Method of calming down:

SEE - what five things do you immediately see?
TOUCH - how do you imagine each of them feels?
HEAR - do any of them have a sound?
SMELL - how do they smell?
TASTE - would any of them have a flavour?

Another comes from mindfulness. You have mentioned stomping on the floor. Instead place your foot hard upon it. How does the floor feel against your foot? Do you imagine it is warm or cold. Imagine the contact between the floor and the sole of your shoe. Think what colour is your shoe? What colour is your sock. Does your sock stay up or slide down and wrinkle. Does the sock tickle your ankle? Are the shoes lace up? Imagine tying and untying them. Now, your toes. Imagine wiggling them in the shoe. Start to move up to your ankle and leg imagining how each feels against the next. The hair itching and the imagined scratching the itch. Imagine all you can in the relationship between your foot/leg and the floor until one becomes a connection with the other.

These sorts of things have been helpful.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

What anxiety coping mechanisms do you have?

A great one is the 5 Things Method of calming down:

SEE - what five things do you immediately see?
TOUCH - how do you imagine each of them feels?
HEAR - do any of them have a sound?
SMELL - how do they smell?
TASTE - would any of them have a flavour?

Another comes from mindfulness. You have mentioned stomping on the floor. Instead place your foot hard upon it. How does the floor feel against your foot? Do you imagine it is warm or cold. Imagine the contact between the floor and the sole of your shoe. Think what colour is your shoe? What colour is your sock. Does your sock stay up or slide down and wrinkle. Does the sock tickle your ankle? Are the shoes lace up? Imagine tying and untying them. Now, your toes. Imagine wiggling them in the shoe. Start to move up to your ankle and leg imagining how each feels against the next. The hair itching and the imagined scratching the itch. Imagine all you can in the relationship between your foot/leg and the floor until one becomes a connection with the other.

These sorts of things have been helpful.

thanks! It means a lot to finally get an answer <3

I'll try it the next time! I have a feeling it's close.... ehm...

is there a word for this feeling? I have so much trouble explaining it to my therapist specially since I'm not very good at my primary language (spend most of my childhood on the internet etc)

[Alchemy]

Ok it kinda helped c: I mean after doing this it like takes 10m for me to go back to the same awful feeling but I guess I'll just try this again.

It comes with practise. I am so glad though that you tried.

It sounds to me like you are having trouble coping with frustration and irritation. I wonder if having a physical object to direct these feelings towards might be helpful. Perhaps something to play with and occupy your hands. For a time I used a weight on my shoulder and upper chest to calm my nerves. I made it myself out of a 2lb bag of beans and a tube sock. It was very soothing and helped me cope with in my case anxiety.