[Alden]

I have a history of child abuse and most recently incredibly painful therapist abuse/abandonment and job loss.

I have a "friend" who keeps telling me that "Everyone is dealing with c^&p" and "We have all felt alone and tortured at times," and other such platitudes.

I guess she is right in that everyone has challenges in their life, but when she tells me that I just have to figure it out on my own, it seems like such a fundamentally wrong response.

If feels like she is telling to me to just deal with it like everyone else has to deal with it.

I'm trying to weigh the amount of truth in what she is saying against how unhelpful it is and figure out a way to respond to her that is reasonable and thoughtful.

Any thoughts?

[healingme4me]

Telling you that you need to figure it out alone is where the platitudes and support end and dismissiveness begins.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think that is not helpful at all.. yes, everyone has their problems, but that doesn't mean that they aren't important to you.

[avlady]

i agree with Mikey Cheeky.

In agreement.

It seems the conversation about mental illness then has already been broached. Perhaps ask her what she suggests you do instead. She may find herself in the position of really having no answer and her opinion then might change as a result.

[Taylor27]

Yes we all have stuff to deal with however no one should be told to deal with it alone. Your friend is being very unhelpful to you. I used to have a person in my life like that finally i had enough of her and cut ties. Your issues are important enough and you deserve support from friends, family, ect. Sorry to hear things are tough on you please keep posting on here.

[Blueberrybook]

Yeah, it's not helpful at all. Of course, everyone has stuff to deal with, some people worse things or more than others. It is not anyone's place to tell you how to deal with it. Sorry about your friend being so unhelpful.

[TishaBuv]

I suggest not responding to her about it at all. Her dismissiveness about your issues tells me she doesn’t want to hear it. She’s not your therapist. So don’t confide in her. Find a more compassionate friend or a therapist to confide in. Keep posting here where people want to discuss.

One of my sisters is this dismissive as well, if I ever try to talk about my issues. That’s why I am familiar with your feelings. I know that my sister is one whom I cannot discuss myself intimately. She doesn’t want to hear it. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me. It doesn’t mean we can’t be the best of friends and sisters. She just doesn’t like to get deep.

[IA_2809]

"I have no idea how to cope with what you're telling me and I don't want to admit it, so I'll attack your victim status claim and make you drop your self pity so you work on yourself like every decent human being"

Originally Posted by Alden

I have a history of child abuse and most recently incredibly painful therapist abuse/abandonment and job loss.

I have a "friend" who keeps telling me that "Everyone is dealing with c^&p" and "We have all felt alone and tortured at times," and other such platitudes.

I guess she is right in that everyone has challenges in their life, but when she tells me that I just have to figure it out on my own, it seems like such a fundamentally wrong response.

If feels like she is telling to me to just deal with it like everyone else has to deal with it.

I'm trying to weigh the amount of truth in what she is saying against how unhelpful it is and figure out a way to respond to her that is reasonable and thoughtful.

Any thoughts?

Us humans can be one of the worst helpers to exist
You could ask them "How do you deal with it?" and see how they respond
But overall, I get it, it's as if they don't understand what you've been through, or it seems they are not willing to understand when they do not dig through the issues