[Erecura]

I am not sure if what I have is actually a condition or something that everyone experiences for time to time. I am going to therapy regularly and I've found a therapist that really fits me. Lately I have been thinking about trying out medication, but I am really not sure if I am "bad" enough and whether... well what I have is actually a mental illness. I mean... I do have some issues that are a bit complicated for me, but I am not if they are bad enough to fit any diagnosis at all. And I don't want to go the doctor's office feeling like a fool for wasting his time while I might not be as bad as others in the need of his help.

I took medication for a brief period of time 3 years ago and at that time I felt like it really helped me. Back then I had been taking it for anxiety, but I think that now the issue has gone from severe to mild.

I have been having issues with something that seems like a depression, but I am not really sure if I can call it that way. It's a long term issue that has been here ever since I was a teen and I think I've found my copying mechanisms to deal with it more or less effectively, but I feel like it still has negative impact on my life.

The thing is... I am not depressed all the time. Most of the time I just feel apathetic, I have low self confidence, that comes with shyness and trouble to experience positive emotion. Mostly, I just feel like I shouldn't care, I lack motivation and drive, but I do not feel sad. The biggest trouble for me is that I am so prone to negative thinking and experiencing bad feelings, that I rarely feel happy and if I do for a very brief moment, I almost immediately slip right back to apathy or sort of a...gloomy mood.

Then there are days, when I feel really sad and melancholic, but they are fewer. Usually I just feel grief, meaningless and emptiness that tend to get so big and overwhelming, it leads to anxiety. If this state doesn't turn into anxiety, it usually turns into thoughts about suicide, but I know I'd never really do it. I have these states about once in two weeks, sometimes once a week. Sometimes it lasts for days, or a week and sometimes it's just a bad evening and the feeling goes away in the morning.

Then I have days when my mood is actually good and elevated and I am able to experience joy and happiness, but those states are rare. But I can't definitely say that I would feel ****** all the time, I mean there are bright and nice moments in my life. The good mood usually lasts for a few days if I'm lucky, but it's nothing too extreme. I just feel fine I guess.

I wouldn't say that my moods are extreme, they're usually quite subtle and internal, but the depressive one can be very intense. But since I don't feel like that all the time... I just don't know. I am not sure if I should take medication or not. Or if I should visit a doctor, because I think that my state isn't all that bad.

Can I call this a depression? Or can I call this is mental disorder at all? Should I take medication?

[Travelinglady]

It sounds to me like something to going on. I suggest you get checked out by a regular doctor first. Have you told your therapist what's happening?

I think you could try an antidepressant, if you want. What does your therapist think?

Is there anything in your life that is making you feel down? Circumstances? Ways of thinking that are negative?

[Erecura]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

It sounds to me like something to going on. I suggest you get checked out by a regular doctor first. Have you told your therapist what's happening?

I think you could try an antidepressant, if you want. What does your therapist think?

Is there anything in your life that is making you feel down? Circumstances? Ways of thinking that are negative?

I told my therapist and she told me that she doesn't think that my situation is that bad and that I could handle it with supplying my body with some vitamins and minerals to boost my mood. But she also told me that if I really feel like I can't go without medication I should ask a doctor for his opinion.

The thing is that I am actually not sure what exactly makes my mood worse. My moods often come out of a thin air and I can't find any logical cause to them and I can't really cure them unless they simply go away.

[Shazerac]

Feeling apathetic, having low self esteem, and having no motivation are classic signs of depression. Please keep in mind that your therapist is not a doctor. Her statement that you are “not that bad” kind of makes me angry. At what point will it be “that bad.?”

You sound like you are not happy and are struggling to get by. There is no shortage of Meds in the world. Just because you aren’t lying in sobbing mess on the floor doesn’t mean that you might not need help. Please consult a doctor preferable a psych doc to get evaluated.

[Skeezyks]

Well... honestly... I don't know. Personally I'm not on med's at this point. (I have taken them in the past.) And I guess I'm sort-of like you at this point (except that I'm older than dirt.) I don't see a therapist. I have some good periods of varying lengths & descriptions. But I also have some very dark periods as well... including quite a bit of passive suicidal thinking. I occasionally think that perhaps I should consider getting back on some type of medication (more for my spouse's benefit than for mine. She has to put up with me.) But once the particular crisis-of-the-moment has passed, I just let it go.

You mentioned you are seeing a therapist & s/he fits you. That's a really good thing! One thing you didn't mention, though, is how long you've been seeing your T. Therapy is a long-term process. So, if you haven't been in therapy for that long, perhaps you simply need to give it more time? You also alluded to an issue from your teens that you feel you've developed coping strategies for. You didn't mention what it was (not that you should.) But depending on how significant an experience this was, perhaps you're not dealing with it as effectively as you presume?

Personally I don't see any reason why you should not see a doctor, if you decide you want to. I don't think you should feel as though you'd be wasting her / his time. That's what they're there for. On the other hand, at least from my perspective, getting on any kind of psych med's isn't something to be taken lightly, as they say. There are almost always side effects. And, depending on how long you're on them, they can be difficult to get off of. (Also, at least in my case, I never really felt as though they did that much good.)

Part of the problem with seeing a doctor, at least to my way of thinking, is that what doctors do is prescribe med's. And so it's likely, I would presume, that if you walk into a doctor's office, you're likely to walk out with a prescription. I know, in my own case, the pdoc I used to see was always more than happy to prescribe a medication for any concern I raised during my appointments with him. Had I wanted to be, I could have been on a whole laundry list of psych med's. I simply chose not to go that route.

So perhaps, before you do go ahead & see a physician, how you're feeling about your state of mind & the possibility of getting on some type of medication, is something that would be good to talk over with your T? S/he may be the person who is going to be in the best position to guide you on this.

P.S. I just read your reply to Travelinglady's comment. You wrote that your moods seem to come out of thin air & you can't find any logical cause for them. One possibility is that part of what is going on with you is simply genetic. You may just be prone to depression. But also... I enjoy reading about the findings that are coming out of research that is being done into the workings of the human brain. And one thing I have picked up is that a lot more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So perhaps there are memories stored in non-conscious areas of your brain that are contributing to your dark moods? (This perhaps goes back to that long-term issue from your teens you mentioned.) And if that is the case, perhaps what's called for here is more continued therapy rather than psych med's. In the end, I really don't know. But these are all my thoughts with regard to your post. I wish you well...

Honestly? I think you need to see your family doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist.

BTW, antidepressants can be horrible if given to the wrong person (ie. bipolar)

[marvin_pa]

What you describe sounds rather like my experience of dysthymia - a relatively mild level of depression that never quite goes away, although the more intense feelings might be more severe depression on top.

If it has a negative impact on your life, then that should be sufficient grounds to seek a medical opinion, if only for reassurance that you may not need meds. Dysthymia is tricky, because it's subtle and can be difficult to judge as anything beyond your normal.

[Seneca1854]

I don't know how I feel about the situation where a therapist and a psychiatrist give the patient contradictory instructions. I've seen that too, mostly when it comes to medication. It sounds awful because it leaves the patient wondering what to do. On the other hand, if the therapist and psychiatrist were in lock-step, always saying the same thing, that really wouldn't give the patient what he or she needs either.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Feeling apathetic, having low self esteem, and having no motivation are classic signs of depression. Please keep in mind that your therapist is not a doctor. Her statement that you are “not that bad” kind of makes me angry. At what point will it be “that bad.?”

You sound like you are not happy and are struggling to get by. There is no shortage of Meds in the world. Just because you aren’t lying in sobbing mess on the floor doesn’t mean that you might not need help. Please consult a doctor preferable a psych doc to get evaluated.

[den88er]

Some people respond very well to meds and some people don't but I don't see anything wrong with giving it a try.