I consider myself straight. I don't like grown up men. But I do like grown up women. I am a teenager (about to turn 18) and on my observations so far it's a normal phase of development to be a bisexual boy or girl, but...

I sometimes listen to Taylor Swift. Especially, the song

makes me giggle a lot. Whenever I daydream, I dream of usually daydream about the good, flirtatious moments I had with my 'friends.' I may be locked up in my house and have poor social skills, but I look sort of manly. Now to to brag or anything but I am around 5'9, weight 100kg (but the hair on my body covers it up) and look pretty good looking sometimes when I dress rightly and use perfumes, and especially neat after recent hair cut.

So yes I find thinking myself more about guys than girls. Especially the guys that look cute (as opposed to those that look like me)... Do I have gender dysphoria or something? All of them must be thin (not too thin), have appropriate height, etc.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't know about this. But what I would say is... no... I don't think you have gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is when a person feels they were born the wrong gender. (How they perceive themselves in their minds doesn't match their biological gender.) Gender identity dysphoria is something I've struggled with my entire life.

Sexual orientation is something else again. It involves which gender you are attracted to sexually. And the current thinking is that these two aspects of a person's personality (gender identity & sexual orientation) develop separately in the womb. So a biological male, for example, could feel he was born in the wrong body (internally he feels female); but his sexual orientation could be either heterosexual (attracted to girls) or he could be gay (attracted to boys). In my case, while I have always struggled with my gender identity, I was always decidedly heterosexual (attracted to girls)... which just made the whole thing even more confusing for me. I was also emotionally if not physically abused by my father. And I was bullied both verbally & physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. So I'm uncomfortable around men. (Actually I'm not all that comfortable around women either though. So I pretty-much just keep to myself.)

I think you're probably correct that, at your age, having some bisexual interests is probably normal. I never did myself. But it seems from what I read that it probably is. The one thing I feel confident in saying, based on my own experience, is that anything related to sexual orientation or gender identity can be extremely confusing. (At least it always has been for me.) One thing I have come to understand, in recent years though, is that there are many resting places along the sexual orientation (as well as the gender identity) continuum. One does not have to be all one way or all the other. Perhaps the fact that you find yourself thinking more about guys than girls suggests that you have some gay aspects to your sexual orientation. That doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. It may just be one aspect of your personality. It's also possible, I would guess, that this interest in guys is just a passing fancy. And that over time, as you hopefully get out in the world more, it may just disappear. Time will tell. But either way... however it works out in the end... it's all good. I wish you well...

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Well... I don't know about this. But what I would say is... no... I don't think you have gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is when a person feels they were born the wrong gender. (How they perceive themselves in their minds doesn't match their biological gender.) Gender identity dysphoria is something I've struggled with my entire life.

Sexual orientation is something else again. It involves which gender you are attracted to sexually. And the current thinking is that these two aspects of a person's personality (gender identity & sexual orientation) develop separately in the womb. So a biological male, for example, could feel he was born in the wrong body (internally he feels female); but his sexual orientation could be either heterosexual (attracted to girls) or he could be gay (attracted to boys). In my case, while I have always struggled with my gender identity, I was always decidedly heterosexual (attracted to girls)... which just made the whole thing even more confusing for me. I was also emotionally if not physically abused by my father. And I was bullied both verbally & physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. So I'm uncomfortable around men. (Actually I'm not all that comfortable around women either though. So I pretty-much just keep to myself.)

I think you're probably correct that, at your age, having some bisexual interests is probably normal. I never did myself. But it seems from what I read that it probably is. The one thing I feel confident in saying, based on my own experience, is that anything related to sexual orientation or gender identity can be extremely confusing. (At least it always has been for me.) One thing I have come to understand, in recent years though, is that there are many resting places along the sexual orientation (as well as the gender identity) continuum. One does not have to be all one way or all the other. Perhaps the fact that you find yourself thinking more about guys than girls suggests that you have some gay aspects to your sexual orientation. That doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. It may just be one aspect of your personality. It's also possible, I would guess, that this interest in guys is just a passing fancy. And that over time, as you hopefully get out in the world more, it may just disappear. Time will tell. But either way... however it works out in the end... it's all good. I wish you well...

Excellent post! ^^^^^

WC

[eskielover]

I probably confused everyone around me growing up. I was born a girl & always was a girl but at the same time I was a tomboy. Loved climbing fences, building forts, playing street baseball....all with the guys in the neighborhood. There were fewer girls & playing house & dolls was BORING.

But growing up, I was interested in guys but many had an issue with a girl that was their equal & could compete on an equal with them in school & in sports.

Even my career started off with all other male computer design engineers back in the 80's & the sports was great because I could compete with the guys as equals playing racquetball at lunch & in tournaments.

I was always the female that was just one of the guys too. At any social events I found myself with the guys talking about work or sports while the women were all together talking about their kids....even though I had a daughter it was not a topic that interested me.

Still at 65, I am one of the only women who will do at least the lawn tractor & vehicle repairs that I have the tools for or will figure out how to fix things around my home. I have been a plumber, an electrician, a gardner & a builder when needed. Have learned to shoot accurately though I will never hunt unless I have no other choice for food....but I can definitely protect myself if ut becomes necessary.

I am sure the guys wonder where in the world I am coming from even after being married 33 years I have learned to become very independent & self sufficient but that has nothing to do with the fact that if the right guy were to come along in my life that was TRULY compatible it would be nice but it is not something necessary for my happiness. Alone is good after 33 years in a bad marriage.

[ShadowGX]

Ahh sexuality, what a fickle beast you are.

There are tons of labels and in-between labels for sexuality. It's a "spectrum" thing, where you might not fall directly under one label but be a mix of different labels. It's possible you're attracted to men romantically, but not sexually. (Yes, that's a thing!) Just about anything is possible in the world of sexuality. The hard part is figuring out exactly what you are into so that you can form relationships you will like.

I'm one of those who experimented with bi-sexuality. My last and longest relationship was with a female. We were both "sick of men" and decided to try each other out. We were together for 1 year, long distance the whole time though. Still, it was very real for me and her. We talked on the phone almost nightly and I sent her stuff for v-day and her birthday. Problem was, once it was going to become an IRL thing, I realized I could not imagine myself touching another woman's... special places. Even hers as much as I cared for her, and she was waaaaaay out of my league. So I learned the hard way that I'm only into men... *grumbles mean cynical things about men* The really complicated part is that I'm on a spectrum of asexuality most closely defined as demisexual, meaning I have to have an emotional connection with someone to be attracted to them and be willing to do the deed. I also don't need to do the deed, but it's something I would like to share with the right person - for me it's more about the vulnerability and trust than it is the sex itself.

My friend is figuring out his sexuality as well. He's at that age where you would do so - he just turned 22 about 3 weeks ago. It's been interesting talking to him through this. While he's all high from the meds he's realizing some things about himself and trying to push his limits a bit just to make sure he's asexual, and if he isn't entirely so he wants to figure out what may or may not work for him. He's had some major traumas and wants to be sure it's not just trauma making him like that.

Thanks to all those who replied.

I guess I am kind of 'bisexual' because of my psychological trauma? Due to the fact I am too much of 'childish, dependent freak who hasn't grown up' for girls, I look for boys that look like girls (not those who want to be a girl), and I am like, "Awwww he's so cute, he is blushing, he's gonna make me blush too" I definitely do not want to be a girl, but I act like I am their girlfriend in front of them.


It's a fact that I hide, and now as I am growing up and maturing, I am thinking less about guys but it's not like I am attracted to girls either, it's so confusing... But I do daydream about the relationship I had with several of my guy friends. I still smile when someone says something like, "Are you doing make up these days?" I giggle like a school girl. Not sure how weird it is to bystanders who are like, "He looks he's 25." They take into account my weight, my height, the hair on my body, my beard and my mustache....

I actually look a lot older than I am. Just today after botany practical a guy asked me how old I am, "Seventeen" was my answer. He laughed how teenagers laugh at jokes and told me I look way older than I am. I think it's due to stress that makes me look like I am in my 30's or even my 40's, not sure how I am gonna look before I die...

Anyway, I am again listening to Love Story by Taylor Swift and I am giggling thinking about a friend I met in college. Although now whenever I think about him it's not like I want to have sex with him, (may change my mind though, hehe) but I just find him cute and I am like, "He's so cute!!!! Awwwww, marry me."

Then again I need to improve a lot before finding a life partner (guy or gal), this includes losing weight, fixing my eyes, changing my personality, getting a permanent haircut, buying a manly bike, and acting like a typical guy in his 20's.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I consider myself straight. I don't like grown up men. But I do like grown up women. I am a teenager (about to turn 18) and on my observations so far it's a normal phase of development to be a bisexual boy or girl, but...

I sometimes listen to Taylor Swift. Especially, the song

makes me giggle a lot. Whenever I daydream, I dream of usually daydream about the good, flirtatious moments I had with my 'friends.' I may be locked up in my house and have poor social skills, but I look sort of manly. Now to to brag or anything but I am around 5'9, weight 100kg (but the hair on my body covers it up) and look pretty good looking sometimes when I dress rightly and use perfumes, and especially neat after recent hair cut.

So yes I find thinking myself more about guys than girls. Especially the guys that look cute (as opposed to those that look like me)... Do I have gender dysphoria or something? All of them must be thin (not too thin), have appropriate height, etc.

Does it matter to you if you’re straight or bi or gay? I mean — right now — at 17, I don’t think that you need express a preference but rather experience each expression of sexuality that you desire and then, maybe, take on a label.

At your age I knew that I was bisexual (though I’d never heard the word spoken aloud!). Now that we’ve the umbrella of queer that’s my self-description.

In long-term relationships with guys (and simultaneously in relationships with girls) I, too, found thin (and hair-free!) guys more attractive than the more fit guys with smidgens of body hair (e.g., my own body type). My longest-lasting male/male relationship spanned over two decades — with a lot of travelling — and was often shared with others; more specifically, I had a preference for multiple partners, usually (in some way) including men and women.

Hence, I’m quite comfortable with queer.

My advice, from an old queer to a (impossible to determine, yet!) young and only possible queer, is to allow and seek pleasure without any proclamations.

Enjoy life and become good at living.

[Calla lily12]

Chemist, you're still young and haven't been allowed to interact with people your age. Give yourself more time to figure out what you want. AND, as amicus_curiae said...who cares? You are who you are.

Thank you. I should stop chasing the 'Everybody must accept me' spree.

[ShadowGX]

Aye, that "everyone must accept" me mindset is just trouble and is very unrealistic. I struggled a ton with that when I was your age. I still haven't entirely worked through that, but at least I don't want "everyone" to accept me, just a couple of people here and there is all I'm asking for. Even that isn't healthy apparently, we're supposed to just exist as ourselves and people will come to us I guess. =\

[Anatta]

Female sexuality is highly fluid.

This isn't meant to be flippant, but it is to say that labels can be constricting.

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Thank you. I should stop chasing the 'Everybody must accept me' spree.

Accept yourself first.

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

Aye, that "everyone must accept" me mindset is just trouble and is very unrealistic. I struggled a ton with that when I was your age. I still haven't entirely worked through that, but at least I don't want "everyone" to accept me, just a couple of people here and there is all I'm asking for. Even that isn't healthy apparently, we're supposed to just exist as ourselves and people will come to us I guess. =\

Absolutely. I need to stop being 'cool' or a 'typical teenager' because I am honestly not anything of them. Yes, I will never get girls, I will never attend parties, I will never ride a 350cc bike, I will never be the adult I want(ed?) to be. But the best I can do is get into a hostel first and foremost, do well in medical college, and be a GP first and then select my specialty based upon my strengths and weaknesses. I will be able to live a better life than my friends who may end up as just another bachelors of science, but oh man, how I wish there was a balance between academic and social life, now I am just forced to be a bookworm.... and I may end up hating my job.

Parenting can and often will ruin lives.

[ShadowGX]

One of my favorite movies reminds me a lot of you. It's called Zootopia. If you've never seen it, it's about a rabbit who wants to become a police officer and "make the world a better place". Her whole life everyone tells her she can't, including parents and mentors, and even when she does achieve it she's told to quit. It's very hard for her to even get there because, well, a bunny isn't physically the ideal cop... So she works that much harder where she is flawed and makes it happen. When she's told she should quit and isn't given a fair chance to prove herself she pushes anyways and by the end of the movie (of course, because it's a movie) she wins and makes the world a better place.

Of course, I know it's just a movie and real life doesn't really work that way, but in some cases it can or at least similarly. I'd like to think you're such a case where it's gonna be very difficult and there's a lot going against you, but you can still do it if you stay determined.

Thanks for sharing the plot of the movie with me. It's not as unrealistic as you think it is, because personally a lot of stuff over the internet encourages people to pursue their passion no matter how difficult it may seem at first. I cannot recall at the top of my head what I have read, but personally a lot of teachers, especially a biology teacher from last year, encouraged me to follow my academic dreams. Even dedicating lectures to only motivation. And my college teachers too think I am brilliant, and as one of my favorite teachers put it, "if someone just handles him in an acceptable manner, he will become a scientist" and I have received so much encouragement from the internet as well, reading websites like aspiringdocsdiaries.

I should stay determined, of course, yes. I just need to keep a calm mind, not give a fk about my negative situation, study, get into med school, and it'll go smoothly from then.


Again, thanks for sharing the theme of such a wonderful movie. Good day to you.