Tried to do something nice, now I feel like a monster

A couple of months ago I took in a stray cat, but it just won’t tame down completely. I think is has to do with how much time I leave it alone, but it always starts out so lovey dovey but every single time it turns into it attacking my hands. I did something terrible and slapped the cat off of me the first few times it did this, which I know was terribly wrong now I don’t think it will ever be able to be a proper house cat and I feel like a terrible monster for ruining its life. I’ve tried to spend more time with it and be patient with it but the damage is done. I don’t know what to do now and like I said I feel like a monster. I was thinking that maybe if I get steady employment again (I have a job interview on Monday) then maybe I could try taking it to a vet getting it fixed and making a resolution to spend more time with him, to see if he can still be tamed enough to become a house cat I’m so lonely it would be nice to have a pet, a reason to stay at my apartment. Is there anyway I can fix this? I feel so awful about it and unsure of how to proceed.

Just keep being nice and spending time with him. I've tamed many a feral cat and the key was just patience and time. There have only been two that were too wild and never tamed down so that can happen but they were never ever lovey dovey at all. The fact that your cat can be lovey is a good sign.

Please be gentle with yourself too, you're not a monster you just made a mistake.

I had a friend a long time ago take in a feral cat. It was severely abused as it had burns and showed signs of physical abuse as well as being very malnourished. As the cat recovered, it was extremely timid and became defensive whenever someone tried to pet it or go near it. Over time, however, she became more relaxed and less afraid of people. Eventually, she became very friendly towards people she knew and would let you pet her all day.
A family member of mine has had his cat for 15 years now and he is the only one that it likes. If anyone besides him tries to pet it, or (god forbid) pick it up, it will become violent, clawing and biting. I recently stayed at his house for about 3 weeks and by time I left, the cat would occasionally approach me and lay next to me. A few times it would let me pet it but it was obvious that it wasn’t a fan. He would even bite or claw his owner every so often when he was being pet. It isn’t a mean cat, it just doesn’t like to be touched or pet. Just like people, animals are all different.
While these cases aren’t exactly the same as yours, I think shows that it just takes time. Some cats may never enjoy being pet, and this might be the case for yours. However, it might still be possible to form a bond. The family member I talked about loves his cat even though it will occasionally scratch him. They get up every morning at the same time and it sits next to him in his living room each morning as he drinks his coffee.
Please don’t consider yourself a monster. From your post, it seems obvious that you care and don’t wish to cause harm. I’d give it time and try not to be too forceful. If it seems like he doesn’t want to be pet, or runs away, give him space to chill. Unneutered male cats can sometimes show aggressive behavior. Maybe your vet could advise whether or not neutering him would help.
Ps. Hope your job interview went well!

((((annoyedgrunt84)))) Don't be so hard on yourself. Anyone can make mistakes. We're only human, after all. I think you can still work it out, but yes, it will take time. Don't give up, I'm sure you'll do a good job.

Not all cats are touch feely. I rescued an elderly cat and while we managed to bond, she never allowed me to touch her. Instead she would remain just out of arms reach. I know we bonded because she would curl up nearby and purr or follow me around.

I have a few questions though:

Have you taken this cat to the veterinarian since you took it in? It is possible the cat has a medical condition which touching it only exacerbates the problem.

How old do you figure this cat is? It may just be ornery on account of its age?

Under what circumstances did you find this cat? Is it possible that owing to these circumstances, its history, that it has developed a distrust of human attention?

If it were myself, the first thing I would do is get it to a vet.

It's a good things to realize your mistakes, that way you know how to became a better person in the future!

Speaking as the well-known cat lady of this town, I have two cats that I cannot handle. One was caught wild, the other, believe it or not, I bottle raised. Taking them to the vet requires leather gloves and an apron. The wild one has had three operations. I just let him be him until I have to take him in for shots or something. I just accept him for what he is, feed and water him and make his favorite, chicken hearts, from time to time. If you have your kitty in the house, you are doing a good thing. Just make sure you get him fixed if he is not, because he will develop a spraying habit. Perhaps a cat person living in close proximity can help you out in this?

Thank you all for your kindness. I got the job, but I don’t get paid another month yet. I do plan to get him fixed as soon as my first paycheck hits the bank. Right now I think he just finds me overstimulating. I have considered getting a second cat so he would be more used to others moving around and to help socialize him better.

Maybe now isn't the right time to get a second cat. He might be afraid of it or try to be dominant. It's wait until he gets used to his new home.
I'm sure he'll feel better. Just talk to him nicely and give him good food (small pieces of raw meat) from time to time. Be near him and talk quietly and gently while he eats, but don't touch him. Just be a few steps away from him. He'll understand you give him food and you're good to him. When you get up ask him if he slept well... Just like to a child who understands but can't answer.
It'll take time but he'll be OK.
And btw cats can scratch you in play. Their instinct is strong and they may forget it's just a game. It doesn't mean he's aggressive, it's just what cats do. :-)

Get a water bottle and spray the cat instead. It might take some time for the cat to warm up to you. It might be a love bite.

That great advice!

my cat we just got last year and he is quite a handful. luckily i am usually home as im disabled, as he attacks our older cat and wants to play all the time with him but he gets too rough and i have to break it up sometimes. I love him to pieces too and he love bites but a few times he did scratch me and for no reason i know of. I do know there is a real thing called cat scratch fever, not really knowing the symtoms of it if anyone knows? we thought thaat by getting him fixed he'd be more calm but it didn't turn out that way.

Cats have unique personalities, just like people do

I am feeling very sure that when he is neutered you will see an obvious change in his behavior, and all for the better. I think you will be surprised. Is there a low-cost spay/neuter available in your location? Usually, the SPCA offers those.

My first cat liked to bite. He did it in play, but he would bite too hard and really hurt me. I couldn't break him of it. He continued to do it after he was neutered. When I was changing he would jump up and bite my bare butt, which really hurt. So I shut him out of my bedroom when I was changing. He ran away after a little over a year. I was sad at first, but now I have a much nicer cat and I don't miss the first one. The current one is very affectionate and when he nibbles he does it gently.

As for the water bottle, it isn't necessary to spray the water on your cat. That might only teach him to be afraid. If you squirt the water in a different direction he will smell and hear it, which he won't like.