[Gekomyecho]

Hey all! I'm a new member and I joined because I have a few questions about some things about myself and I wanted to know if anybody knows if there's like...something wrong with me or something going on with me. It's a long topic because I dont really know where to start, but there's an overwhelming theme here: Memory problems.
** As a disclaimer, I was diagnosed with depression by my doctor but I think it was situational because at the time I was going through a really stressful life event (not traumatic) that made me feel pretty bad. I don't have any other psychological conditions, that I know of....

From the beginning: Ever since I was a little kid, I remember that I would go through these periods where I would.... feel like i was in a different world. I had a messy family life, with fighting and

Possible trigger:

sexual abuse

(don't know if that's important). Anyhow, I have trouble recalling my childhood before the age of about 12 years, and I can only remember a handful of memories from before the age of 12 and those memories are foggy and feel like they were a dream. After the age of 12, I got a best friend and I can remember numerous memories of he and I having fun and being kids, and those memories arent foggy. But like i said before, I would have these periods of time where I would just... feel like I was in a different world. I knew where I was and who people were, and I knew who I was, but it felt different. Everything in the natural, physical world would go foggy and feel less important and I would have this extreme heightened sense of connectedness with nature, energy, and...other weird things. I'm just gonna say it - i would see things like angels and other weird looking beings of light, I'd hear conversations and things talking to me when nobody was around, and I'd hear other people's thoughts (I'm not joking, and I've actually asked people close to me if they were really thinking what I just heard and they would reluctantly tell me "yes" and look at me like "how the hell did you know that").
I still have these "other world" experiences, and they can last for weeks at a time. They do interfere with my productivity, such as school, because when I go into these "other world feeling experiences", if i try to focus on the things in the physical world, such as completing an assignment for school, I get a sharp and excruciating feeling in my head and I just can't do it. I feel as though, during these times, my body is geared toward and forcing me to acknowledge "other things".
I promise I'm not trying to sound like some science fiction enthusiast (not that there's a problem with being a science fiction enthusiast) - these are legitimately my experiences and it's concerning.

Now with all that background out of the way, on to the memory problems. Like I said I have trouble remembering my life before the age of about 12. But I've had some other weird memory problems that I can't understand:
1.) On numerous occasions, I have had people, from my past, message me thanking me for giving them advice on something that apparently changed their life for the better - but I cant remember ever giving them advice. I dont remember telling them the "amazing things" they say I told them, and although I'm happy if i made a difference, I dont remember doing it. Like I said this has happened numerous times, and after a couple of old friends talking to me and thanking me, I began to realize that something was off with my memory.
2.) A more recent development is that I will do things around the house, like I'll turn the stove off after being done cooking or I'll start the dish washer and NOT remember doing it. In other words, I accomplish things, and then I think to myself "oh I need to go do this" and then I go and realize that I already did it but I don't remember doing it. As an example, I was making chicken and fried rice one night and I went to go put the teriyaki on the chicken and turn off the heat for the rice and I realized I had already done those two things but I did not remember. It was so weird that I looked around, expecting to see somebody else who had accomplished these tasks, but only I was there.

I'd like to mention that I have posted an abbreviated version of this question on like.. I think it was yahoo or something. And somebody asked me if I had experienced waking up somewhere i didn't recognize or having memory lapses where I end up somewhere and dont know how i got there. I have never experienced anything like that, and in general, I am aware of my whereabouts and what I'm doing. But I don't know.... Its strange. I dont black out or anything, I just.... I'll sometimes feel like i'm in a trance-like state and I'm just moving along going about life and then I'll snap out of it.

Id also like to mention that I do not taking any medications besides Tylenol, occasionally for pain. I also do not use any recreational drugs and I dont drink.

Also, as far as my slipping into those "other world" experiences, I dont know what triggers it, and I have no control over snapping out of it. It just happens, and then goes away. And during those times I'm completely aware that I feel different and something is different, but I can't snap out of it.

Sooooo......That was long and I thank anybody who took the time to read it...
I'm just wondering, has anybody experienced anything like this? Or does anybody know if there's like...something wrong with me? It's been bothering me because it's weird.

Thanks guys,
Gekomyecho

[Hi IM Dan]

Lately I have problems with my memory, at times unconsciously functioning.

Im a engineering tech major and am nervous about going back into the field as it requires strict critical thinking and detail.

I guess I could entertain your other worldly experiences but I don't think that's something I should entertain currently speaking. Im not really sure what to say here I cant say Ive had the same experiences.

Do you feel it may negatively impact your life?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Gekomyecho: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

Honestly I would have no idea what to tell you with regard to the experiences you've related here. I'm not a mental health professional. And I think this is all something you would need to delve into with the help of a mental health professional should you wish to try to get to the bottom of it so to speak. Anything I or anyone else on the internet is going to be able to suggest is going to be simply a guess & as likely to be wrong as it is right... maybe more so.

Perhaps other PC members will have different perspectives. But that's mine... for what it's worth. I do hope you find PC to be of benefit though.

[Gekomyecho]

I feel like it does kind of impact my life in a negative way, because I have no control over it. That's why I want to figure out what it is or what's causing it so maybe I could figure out how to deal with it. I'm not really sure how to think about it either

[MtnTime2896]

I'm gonna start off by saying, I'm not a doctor of any form. My only knowledge comes from my own experiences.

Those experiences you spoke of with, I'm going to say, "tapping into" your friends thoughts. I can tell you I've had those too. I like to think it's some heightened form of empathy and intuition. Something that a person possesses, often derived from both natural and environmental factors. Natural factors being genetics and you just being you; while I believe that a chaotic environment on a young mind breeds a heightened awareness of human motives. My childhood, personally, was what I could definitely describe as chaotic, tense and often some kind of hostile. My mind had to develop a way to evaluate people through some kind of silent observational check. Too many in my life were unpredictable (due to varying factors) and they weren't exactly vocal until someone was yelling for no reason... but I knew there was always "a reason". What some would refer to as a trigger for their outburst and/or cruel behavior. I needed to understand in order to protect myself before anything could happen.

I'm not trying to say this is what you had to do, or the exact conditions you grew up with, but that it's a place where I believe my ability to do these things began. I really think I may have just unintentionally become a good cop.

As for the other experience of going into these worlds you describe. Yes, I do this too. I believe this as well was developed in childhood as a defense against my environment. How else could I leave these situations when I wasn't able to actually keep it from occurring? In my case, my other worlds are a symptom of my dissociative disorders. Psychosis is also a symptom I suffer from, this however, I can distinct most of the time as being outside of my mind. These worlds are my brain's, they're not a sickness but a now maladaptive feature of my self-defense. There's nothing to defend my mind from the present anymore, so why must it happen? The brain is a muscle, and as it exercises these mechanisms they become second nature.. even first nature. I dissociate quite frequently, I have several time while writing this out. I myself have a disorder in which the excess of my dissociation is common. Well, a couple diagnoses. Don't take this a diagnosis for you, but the ones I'm referring to are CPTSD and DID.

I saw your other post looking into information on DID, I'm willing to answer you in a private message if you really like. Looking into CPTSD would be highly advisable, as well.

[Fury]

"Fogginess" and "dreamstate" are signs of dissociation. And seeing/hearing things is a form of delusion/hallucination. Some conditions which include these symptoms as a primary focus, include Schizotypal conditions, Bipolar, and a few others.

HOWEVER one thing you touched base on was the ability to help people and know their thoughts and feelings. This is a form of empathy, which some cultures view as a form of shamanistic magic.

In reality, Empaths are simply very caring people who are easily able to understand and share the experiences and emotions of those around them - like being able to cry with a movie character, but instead you're connecting to real people.

This is a good thing. You have the potential to be a healer, more so possibly because you know how it feels to endure.

It is possible that this is why you were drawn to someone who later abused you. People with a naturally kind, calm, and healing vibe will usually attract the broken, and instead of seeing the flaws in them, you see the people they are trying to become and....you try to help. Later on, they take advantage of your kindness and hurt you.

This is where the memory troubles kick in. You have, at this point, learned that you love helping people (even if you don't always love people) and you can very easily get tangled up in your emotions and get hurt. Your mind begins to associate your true nature with your worst fears and circumstances where you were once kind begin to look like threats you did not notice before. As a protective measure, your mind blocks those memories, and begins to block memories that are similar.

So you begin to withdraw who you are, taper it down, in order to protect yourself.

But you're still an Empath who hates to see people suffer.

So what happens? Your heightened awareness of others begins to control your subconscious. You are connecting to people in your subconscious mind because you forbade your conscious mind from putting you in danger again.

And what is the result of excess strain on your mental and emotional state?

Reading people and a heightened spirituality

Your subconscious mind is trying to reach out to people - possibly people you are worried about - and is reading body language your conscious mind is not yet aware of, and giving you a spiritual "connection" to how they are feeling or what's on their mind.

Something that can help:

1. Therapy for your trauma, to remove the emotional block

2. Compartmentalization of your emotions - separate them from your logical train of thought. Each time you have an unexpected emotional response to a situation, quickly look around and see what everyone else is doing, or how they are reacting. Look at yourself from their perspective and DECIDE IF YOUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSE IS A REASONABLE RESPONSE TO THE SITUATION and then DECIDE ON A MORE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE BASED ON YOUR SURROUNDING EVIDENCE.

3. If you can't "Spock it" as I say, where you are unable to control your emotional response with a logical evaluation of the situation, then

4. Meditate to increase self-control over your emotions. You cannot allow your emotions to dictate your decisions, especially if there could be lifelong consequences.

You are an Empath. Learn how to control it, and you can use it to help even more people in your life. But you can't do it if you don't first heal yourself.