Q for anyone in treatment that gets into crisis

What do you do when you feel there is no help, no way out, no reason, no consistency, no clarity?

My treatment team wants to harm me, and I'd be cool if they killed me, but I can't die. point is, I
stopped trying to make an impact on the pendulum of life or death in either direction.

But I have rage. A lot. And hallucinations. And maybe at 3pm I'm taking a nap but at 5pm I'm climbing a tree screaming about unicorn niipples. I feel really uncomfortable. Outside I FEEL them tracking me. I know it doesn't matter where I am, but just inside I know more about where the crowbar is and whatnot. I feel so funny. But I don't know my memories. I want to start a fire. Is it how my socks are arranged?

What do you do if your team says to call them in a "crisis" but you know they're just gonna hurt you, and your "friends and family" are stupid and will just get you to the hospital, and don't even say 988. She just told me to stop taking my meds and it's no, dude, you gotta taper off stuff for seizures.

I am sorry life is so challenging foor you @MuddyBoots -it must be difficult to find a safe resting place.

It is not fun that sometimes medical professionals prescribe meds that do not do what they hoped they would do. Lithium is a big problem and needs to be monitored closely by blood tests on a regular basis. It must be hard to do exactly what the docs say when your lifestyle makes that difficult.

You asked To be totally honest, I really do not know what would work for you. Meds are fine instruments to the brain but recreational drugs are like a hammer that throws everything all off. Is there any way you can find a way to stop or wean off rec drugs and alcohol and just take your meds? Then maybe you could get more stable. Just a guess on my part.

Hope you get the support you are hoping for

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

I have barely done any recreational drugs. I could probably test clean right now. There was just the xanax overdose (for self harm), then the ativan+alcohol overdose(for self harm), and a few times of smoking weed because nausea made me go days without eating and I felt plant fumes people have been smoking for forever were less dangerous than having a blood sugar of 0.

I can "just take my meds" yeah, that's what I dun been doing for too fking long and now instead of just seeing some shyt in the corner and weird noises and thinking too much that isn't too relevant to life, now there are maybe 10 days a year I want to be alive more than 10 hours of that day. That's how much just taking my meds have helped.

No one gives a fk I was just prescribed something that completely took me into another dimension for two weeks. I talk some "nonsense" about doing and undoing being bad and get the cops called on me who insist I'm on some kind of drug but can't confirm because they have no evidence because I am not, but damm it if someone walks onto an interstate because they were scared of a little hallucination and their doc told them to take a bit of this ffor that and they thought they were showing their neighbor where the teepee on a different continent is.

I'm glad msf exists. It's not the be-all but it's a good anchorage. I'm glad you're here MB. Your insights and observations are valuable stuff. Your wisdom, your experience and your humour. All recommended. I hope things level out soon.

I've been abused in all hospitals and most Drs last 45 years. They expect you to pull yourself together and if you can't they resort to abuse.
I've seen the "best" doctors on the East Coast and they were horrible, didn't listen, couldn't diagnose me correctly, didn't give me any feedback.
The mental health system is a huge, messy scam and I proved it. You wouldn't believe the way I've been treated since 1990.
I saw one sick Dr in Philly 1992 and he said "Your anxiety is almost psychotic and you're a schmuck" then smiled and said "You think you're losing your mind?" I told him I had a panic attack at the Art Museum and he said "Wouldn't it have been funny if you died at the Art Museum!" Then he told me he was an admirer of Hitler!!!

cool, so what do you do now when you want to kill yourself?

What do I do when it's too much to tolerate? I I'm afraid of dying but I've tried it 4 times and failed. It's on my mind all the time since Prozac destroyed me 2 years ago and constantly debate about what I should do. I've told lots of professionals last year that I can not take living like this anymore and they don't care.
I've seen Drs who are out of state and they say "Well, I can't treat anyone who is out of state" and leave me hanging.
Thank you for your concern, it's nice to have someone who wants to listen for a change...