[Elysium]

I am feeling quite conergitated!!

Yes...this is my word. I made it up!! It is the state of being confused, nervous, and agitated all at the same time.

Anyway...I am sick as a dog right now...physically. The other morning, after I got home from work, I was eating a light snack of milk and toffee-buttered popped corn. I was really tired....and I guess you're not supposed to sleep with food in your mouth because when I nodded off briefly while sitting on my couch I inhaled!!! OUCH!!!!

I breathed in a mouthful of milk and popped corn bits and my chest felt like it exploded!!! Anyone who has ever chocked on their own spit or on a sip of water knows that it can be painful and you cough for a while. Those who have had the experience of a deeper aspiration know that it not only makes you cough forever, but it makes your lungs hurt and burn sooooo bad!!

Anyway...my own stupid fault for eating and sleeping at the same time. Who knew it would have such affects, right?

What has me all conergitated is that due to this even I developed a bad case of laryngitis with mild case of epiglottitis. Now the laryngitis I can hang with. But epiglottitis can be quite dangerous. Even deadly. This is when the little flap that covers your windpipe when you swallow swells up and starts to obstruct your airway.

So...I went to bed after this incident, slept for a while and went to work. I felt horrible. My chest was tight, I was SOB, I couldn't swallow, throat hurt, yada, yada, yada!! Managed to work through it and had a day off yesterday. Well it got worse. It seems that due to aspirating on the milk and the popped corn, I am developing a rather irritating chest infection. I don't have an official fever at this point, but I tend to run low, in the 96 degree range, and lately the temps been up in the 98 degree range...so it's a temp for me.

I ache all over, even more SOB with a productive cough. Just yucky...and I feel like crap. I gurgle when I breathe.

I called into work this morning around 6am and told them how bad I felt and that I didn't think I should come in tonight. I work for an agency and they said okay, feel better. I went back to bed. Four hours later my Manager from my agency calls me and wants to know what's up. He says that the Hospital I work for told him that they wanted to cancel my contract due to the couple sick calls I had made.

Excuse me? This from a hospital!! This from the same company who told us during Orientation that if we are sick, don't come in, stay home? I'm a freaking Nurse on the Respiratory floor for Mergatroy's sake!! I could be working my way up to aspiration Pneumonia and they're threatening to tank my contract because I am ill!!

I called in earlier about 2pm and told my agency manager that I would come into work tonight. I said...if they want me there, I will go. I am sick, I feel like crap, I shouldn't be around patients, but I will put on my big girl panties and go. I cried all day because I really don't feel well, but I can't lose my contract. I will be wearing a face mask while working with my patients but I'll be damned if I am going to blow this opportunity with them. Even though I am legitimately ill.

My manager called me back 5 minutes later and said "They don't need you to come in until Seven tonight so don't go in now. They only need you for a four hour shift tonight."

THIS is what really pissed me off the most!!!!! They make a big deal of me calling in ill, threaten to cancel my contract, and when I finally give in and say I will come in they say "Oh, well...we don't REALLY need you to come in...so just come in at 7."

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

You would think that Hospitals and the healthcare industry would be more compassionate with Nurses who are ill and encourage them to be healthy and not bring in any type of bugs that may infect the rest of their staff and their patients. They talk the good talk when they tell you to stay home in orientation, but really that's all it is is talk. It's really about the bottom line.

I know that it is difficult to work short when a nurse does not come in. But geez, c'mon. I even tried to help find a nurse to cover my shift this morning....and they didn't even say thanks for that.

Gotta go to work........

[bebop]

hon it sounds like you may have gotten some of that popcorn down in your lungs. you really should get that checked out. I hope you feel better really soon.

Well, Elysium, it does not appear you work at a place of ideal happiness. I hope you feel all more betterer soon. And conergitated is a worthy neologism.

Pax vobiscum.

[Miracle1986]

(((Lydia)))
Hope you feel better (in all aspects) soon.

[NuckingFutz]

Insert yellow dude with the popcorn here. Money is the bottom line like you said. As a matter of fact, you coming into work, they will get to treat you PLUS anyone you infect witg your popcornitis. It is a win-win situation for the hospital. I hope you feel better soon. Oh, and when you go pick up your paycheck, cough a lot.

[Elysium]

Well I made it through my princess shift. It was only four hours long, but it took a lot out of me. The air is really dry here right now and when I left work it was only 20 degrees (F). I got outside and as soon as I took a breath of the cold air my lungs closed up like a venus fly trap. I had to stop on the way home to take a couple puffs off my inhaler.

I am trying to avoid going to the Drs or the ER. I don't have health insurance right now, and I still owe this hospital a couple thousand for my psych hospitalization in 07. I have a few outstanding medical bills actually. Plus, I'm afraid that if I go in, they will be all nice until they find out I have a history of PTSD and depression, then their attitudes will change and they'll start talking down to me.

I'm really upset over the politics of the healthcare industry and the way Nurses are treated. I know that my mental illness has taken it's toll on my career...and I'm really working hard to keep it from going in the toilet. When I get physically ill, that just makes it that much more difficult.

It really urkes me that hospital administrators can threaten to terminate you do to illness. I've been down this road before. I'm sure many of you have. It just seems so much more unfair and unjust that it comes from Nurses. I have the hardest time accepting the fact that hospital admin preach and pound it into our heads about good customer service, decreasing fall risks, washing our hands and using hand sanitizer, covering our coughs and that HR tells us to stay home if we are ill. Then, when the nurses get ill, they threaten and stab you in the back and expect you to work on your death bed.

I told a couple of the nurses about the threats and they didn't even blink. They just looked away. Then, the freaking unit secretary asks me...."so it's just your voice? You just can't talk?" Yeah...that's right!! I'm coughing up a lung, I'm dizzy, I can't breathe or talk...but the only reason I attempted to call in was because I couldn't talk. Why is the unit secretary questioning me anyway.

No one even said "I'm sorry you don't feel good.", or "Thanks for coming in." No one said "I hope you feel better." They just looked at me and said "See you tomorrow."

My T says that Nursing is one of the most co-dependent careers and I agree.

How is it okay for them to treat anyone this way?

I'm not meaning to play the victim here. I know I need to get to work and I know they need me. But I need me too. I already don't take care of myself the way I should. It's so hard. All I want to do is cuddle under my blankets and drink tea and sleep. But I can't.

Sometimes, I really just feel like it's not worth fighting for the career anymore. I tell myself that there are other things I could do and do well at and I think this is true. But....Nursing brings in the income I need to be able to make all my bills. I am not yet trained in any other career that could compensate me as well as nursing does at this time. But why do I bother when it just seems like I'm throwing myself under the bus everytime.

Okay...I'll stop whining now. Despite the political BS, I love working as a Nurse. I love being able to work with my patients and I love the skills and critical thinking that I am able to utilize in my profession. I just hate the politics.

If any one actually read through this...Thank you for listening to me whine. And thank you for the well wishes and support. You all are the only ones that have been supportive.

[NuckingFutz]

I read it all. I do hope you feel better soon. I know there is a shortage of nurses, but even still, when we hired contractors they still got the short of the stick. A couple of mgrs thought they could abuse them because they were only temps. I know you like working as a nurse but hate the staff's crappy attitudes. Is there another hospital or drs office that may be a bit kinder to you? I would also get your illness checked anyway...they have to treat you regardless of your ability to pay. You can walk in there on your own or someone may have to wheel you in on a stretcher if it does not get better on it's own.

[Amanda_1981]

((((((Elysium))))))))) I'm sorry that your work is treating you like that!! I know a lot of nurses here who also get treated like crap, and they do so much work!! It's not fair and I really feel for ya! I hope you feel better soon!! ~HUGS~

[tonih]

Geez Elysium things sure haven't changed in the 10 years I have been out of nursing! Nurses are the worst when it comes to sick leave! It probably won't help, but this is the same bs I went through years ago! They don't care if you have to crawl in to work as long as there is a body there to punch the time clock! As for your poor lungs.....sounds like you either have asp.pneumonia or you sure are working on it! Take care of yourself. Also, have you thought about a different area of nursing? I have some ideas if you are interested. Take care darlin and I sooo feel for you! hang in there! blessings!

[lynn P.]

This sounds very serious and I think you could get pneumonia from choking on food like this. It's very sad you don't have supportive superiors at your hospital. In Canada where I live, it's well known the nurses are over worked. I think you should go to the doctor right away and be put on antibiotics as a precaution. I had pneumonia 13 yrs ago and it was the worst time of my life - I lost 15lbs. I've had complete laryngitis where I couldn't even whisper or make a sound. I've also completely lost my sense of smell for 2 months because of a sinus infection. You don't realize how important smell is, until you lose it.

Please watch yourself very carefully. If you fell asleep with food in your mouth, you must have been exhausted - try not to let yourself get that tired again. BTW, I love caramel corn too