[SWA 1971]

I'm not worthy of being anyone's friend on here, so please don't ask.

[salukigirl]

I hate to be the jerk to say this but if there is something you want to talk about then just post a thread. Don't do this whole starving for attention thing because, personally, I think it turns people off that would normally help you (and obviously you want someone to help you and reassure you).

[ConfusionCraze]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I hate to be the jerk to say this but if there is something you want to talk about then just post a thread. Don't do this whole starving for attention thing because, personally, I think it turns people off that would normally help you (and obviously you want someone to help you and reassure you).

Hey glad you said it. I wasn't going to reply.

*open thread*

*back button*
*close thread*

[crystalrose]

i really don't think that is true. Maybe you could start a thread in the depression area. I will leave hugs because you obviously craving some attention that validates your feelings.

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I hate to be the jerk to say this but if there is something you want to talk about then just post a thread. Don't do this whole starving for attention thing because, personally, I think it turns people off that would normally help you (and obviously you want someone to help you and reassure you).

Yes your being a jerk this is a support site not an attacking/picking on site in my opinion ....

They are crying out for help and this is the only way they can do it HUGS to them for reaching out I hear you.

Originally Posted by ConfusionCraze

Hey glad you said it. I wasn't going to reply.

*open thread*

*back button*
*close thread*

If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. I was taught this at a young age and try (often fail) to use it.

[Elysium]

I really don't think this is about any body being a jerk.

Obviously we all support SWA 1971 and are available to listen, offer suggestions, or just offer some hugs. But there are also different types and levels of support. Some people choose to take a less enabling route to support.

I see this as a cry for support, yes....but I don't necessarily feel it is the most appropriate way to request said support. This type of post often leads to frustration for the supporters and the people looking for support.

These responses may have been a bit terse but I see it more as tough love.

SWA...I have felt unworthy of friendship and support as well. I have felt like the only way I could get attention was by acting out. I have acted out for attention before as well. What I have learned from this behavior is it generally puts more stress on the people who want to be here for you which can, in the long run, cause them to want to shy away from you instead.

Maybe, when you feel this way and need to express it, you can try to rephrase it and come right out and say that you are feeling unworthy. I think it would be less frustrating for everyone...including you.

I do think though that if you are going to act out, then you shouldn't be surprised if some people become irritated and respond as they have.

SWA...I hope you can hear this as supportive and know that we're not against you.

They asked for HELP in the only way they felt able to at the time. IMO.

Hello, SWA. I have not been here that long. Actually, I am rather shocked. I certainly will be less inclined to seek help here.

If you would like to PM me rather than post again, I would be pleased to try to help you.

Good luck.

[Naturefreak]

(((SWA1971)))

[crystalrose]

i realy think that people need to be supportive. Some people seek support and reassurance in other ways to what we may do. It is not right or wrong
It often has to do with the nurturing or lack of that recieved as a child. Please know that some ppl here care with out conditions or rules. Hope your ok. Pm if you need. Ok

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I hate to be the jerk to say this but if there is something you want to talk about then just post a thread. Don't do this whole starving for attention thing because, personally, I think it turns people off that would normally help you (and obviously you want someone to help you and reassure you).

You don't know what this person is feeling ?I hate to be a jerk also. Not my style. Your post turned me off more than her way of crying for help. No hard feelings.jmo.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by ConfusionCraze

Hey glad you said it. I wasn't going to reply.

*open thread*

*back button*
*close thread*

Lets's all gang up on the poor soul.

[cantstopcrying]

Or we can get back on topic and try to get out newest member to feel comfortable enough to talk. Or possibly our swa just wanted it out there they are not able or up to accepting friend requests.

SWA--you are hurting and feeling worthless, two emotions and feelings that are very, well, hurtful. I am so sorry that you are feeling like that. There are many times that I, too, have not felt worthy of being friended by someone, but I have found that, as DocJohn says, it is part of the healing process here. By all means, you don't have to accept the requests, but possibly the longer you are here and see that people do want to be your friends, you will realize that you are worth caring about. Also, you don't need to be scared to be friends with folks here...it doesn't mean they have any more access to your information than anyone else. It just means you have people who are available to you. Even if you never choose to have a friend here, please know that there are those of us who are willing to listen to why you don't think you are worth it and what has gotten you to that point. Then maybe we can share our experiences and help you see that you aren't alone and you can heal.

I hope that you don't see the snippy, bickering that went on at the beginning of your post as typical of pc. PC is comprised of thousands of people with thousands of personalities. As a community liaison I welcome you and tell you to please feel free to contact any of us with any concerns or questions. As a pc memeber I say welcome to our wonderful community. As a person I say welcome and I look forward to hearing more from you.

[VickiesPath]

Sometimes in our families, we are taught certain ways of asking for things. I was taught over the years that it wasn't worth asking for what I wanted because I wasn't going to get it anyway. Had to learn to overcome that.

In other families, they teach to use sort of a "passive-aggressive" way of asking for things.

SWA 1971 doesn't have any friends yet, according to her profile. Perhaps she wants friends but the way she knows how to ask is to ask in a p-a way.

We can certainly help her to learn to ask in another way by being her friend and teaching her a more loving way to ask for what she wants.

(((((((((((( SWA 1971 ))))))))))))))

[lynn P.]

Even if you don't think you're worthy, we might think you are. You're obviously hurting and need comfort. You can also PM me and I would love to be friends, but I also have the confidence to accept rejection if you're not ready - so I will send you a friend request. You can also set up your profile to accept profile messages - I'm pretty good at sending funny ones. I hope you feel better soon.

[SWA 1971]

Okay, may I have this post closed please? I'm not doing this for attention. I don't want anymore rude responses. To those who were kind, thank you.

[SWA 1971]

Originally Posted by Tishie

If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. I was taught this at a young age and try (often fail) to use it.

Thank you, Tishie.

[SWA 1971]

Originally Posted by Elysium

I really don't think this is about any body being a jerk.

Obviously we all support SWA 1971 and are available to listen, offer suggestions, or just offer some hugs. But there are also different types and levels of support. Some people choose to take a less enabling route to support.

I see this as a cry for support, yes....but I don't necessarily feel it is the most appropriate way to request said support. This type of post often leads to frustration for the supporters and the people looking for support.

These responses may have been a bit terse but I see it more as tough love.

SWA...I have felt unworthy of friendship and support as well. I have felt like the only way I could get attention was by acting out. I have acted out for attention before as well. What I have learned from this behavior is it generally puts more stress on the people who want to be here for you which can, in the long run, cause them to want to shy away from you instead.

Maybe, when you feel this way and need to express it, you can try to rephrase it and come right out and say that you are feeling unworthy. I think it would be less frustrating for everyone...including you.

I do think though that if you are going to act out, then you shouldn't be surprised if some people become irritated and respond as they have.

SWA...I hope you can hear this as supportive and know that we're not against you.

Thank you, Elysium.

[SWA 1971]

Originally Posted by Babysteps

(((SWA1971)))

Thank you, too.

[salukigirl]

Sorry I posted. I have been there before and the only thing that brought me out was tough love and someone showing me that if I wanted to change, I changed. If I wanted to be better, just be better. A T told me that maybe I had been depressed because I was afraid of being any other way. Wasn't meaning it the way everyone took it. I just don't have patience for passive agressive behavior so yeah, I shouldn't have posted.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

so yeah, I shouldn't have posted.

You have just as much right to post as anyone else here.
I shouldn't have posted either . I'm sorry if I was a little harsh as I thought you were at the time.

[SWA 1971]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Sometimes in our families, we are taught certain ways of asking for things. I was taught over the years that it wasn't worth asking for what I wanted because I wasn't going to get it anyway. Had to learn to overcome that.

In other families, they teach to use sort of a "passive-aggressive" way of asking for things.

SWA 1971 doesn't have any friends yet, according to her profile. Perhaps she wants friends but the way she knows how to ask is to ask in a p-a way.

We can certainly help her to learn to ask in another way by being her friend and teaching her a more loving way to ask for what she wants.

(((((((((((( SWA 1971 ))))))))))))))

Thank you!

[cantstopcrying]

Obviously everyone has the right to post, it's just the level of support and compassion that I believe was the issue. Until we know the member and the issues this member is dealing with, it seems tough-love is rather harsh for an inital "welcome." Odd, we haven't heard from the member through all this. SWA, your input on any of this, since this was your post?

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

Obviously everyone has the right to post, it's just the level of support and compassion that I believe was the issue. Until we know the member and the issues this member is dealing with, it seems tough-love is rather harsh for an inital "welcome." Odd, we haven't heard from the member through all this. SWA, your input on any of this, since this was your post?

Tkanks for asking can'tstopcrying - I think it's because I've been blabbing my mouth in PM's with SWA LOL. I tend to write very lonnng PM's and can keep you busy for hours

So nice this has turned into a positive thread and a big group hug to (((everyone))) here.