do you think it is rude?

ok, I have been pondering over this for some time. a few questions to see what you all think....
Do you think it is rude to just walk into someone's house without knocking first? family or not family?
Do you think it is rude to get into the fridgerator at someone's elses house without asking? family or not family?
Do you think it is rude to enter a family members home without asking while they are away ? using their computer,phone, etc ?
This just bothers me and I'm curious what others think of these questions.....
Thank you ,
lost

We don't have someone go in the fridge however we have all the other ones including a post man who comes in (we leave the key in the lock) leaves mail on the side and has been known to give the dogs a treat lmao.

We live in a rural area which is way behind the times (thankfully) it is very very old fashioned with people not locking doors so maybe I am not the best person to ask.

I consider all those things to be rude. I wouldn't do it to anyone else and due to my security, well, it won't happen to me!

It wouldn't bother me if my friends did that (although they would never do that), but any family outside my children- it would bother me a lot.

I'm with Tishie. But then again, I too live in the "sticks", I don't remember the last time I locked my door.

Well I think that depends. In the town I grew up in, you knew there was a stranger at the door if you heard a knock. Everyone else just walked in the house. It is still that way to this day. The UPS and Fed ex guys will open the door and leave packages in the house.

As for the refrigerator, the same thing applies. If you want something help yourself. But again, this is the way I grew up. Small town, everyone knows everyone else. To be honest we were related to literally almost everyone through birth or marriage and the handful of people we weren't related to were such good friends of my parents they were still called Aunt this, Uncle that.

It's not unusual here to find one of my kid's friends sitting in the living room, drinking a soda, eating a snack and using the computer even when the child they're friends with is not at home.

I did have a neighbor take advantage of me and my open door policy some years ago. They were new to the area, came from the city. The area I'm from the stores close ridiculously early and frequently have severe blizzards in the winter. When we did our grocery shopping, you did it so that you could live out of your freezer for several weeks if you had to I even had bread and milk frozen.

Anyway these neighbors decided that it really didn't matter if they made it to the store or not, they'd just come get things from my fridge, cupboard, or pantry. It had already become expensive and annoying. I usually threw what we where having for dinner in the Nesco before work so when we came home we could sit right down to dinner. I overslept one morning so everything I'd planned on cooking for dinner was on the counter and the meat I'd taken out the night before was on the top shelf of the fridge. It was spaghetti so it wasn't that big of a deal cooking it after work, except I came home to discover that the pasta, sauce, meat, garlic bread and even the flipping salad ingredients had disappeared. They even took the dressing for the salad!

Unless you live in an area like AAAAA's, otherwise I would considerate it rude. I think though it's up to you, to set proper boundaries.

That is funny

Like Tishie and AAAAA I live in a rural area, it's not uncommon for family and friends to just walk into my house, I hardly ever knock when going to family or friend's house I just walk right in and let them know I"m there. I think someone mentioned you know a stranger is at the door when you hear a knock.

As for the fridge, that depends on who's doing it, I don't mind for close family and friends but if it's someone I hardly know getting in my fridge I find it a bit unnerving...I would at least appreciate them to ask or be offered first...

It's really common around here for family and friend's to leave a set of keys in someone else's possieon when they are going to be out of town and have them check on the house and invite them to make themsevles feel like home.

I find it interesting the diffrent replies and how they correlate between a rural or suburban area

I'm a bit irritated now lol, because this just reminded me that they took the lettuce in the lettuce tupperware container and I never did get it back. That might have something to do with the fact that I flipped out on them and told them never to enter my property again, then I moved across town shortly after. But I LOVED that lettuce tupperware container!

Yes, I consider it rude if you haven't given them permission to do so.

It really depends on the relationship you have with that person. I have some friends that we are close enough that we do this all the time. On the other hand, if it was someone who didn't have that relationship with me, yes, it would be rude.

It depends.....some people I have an arrangement with and have said before "if you ever need blah blah blah go ahead". Like when my friend and her boyfriend had been fighting constantly, I told her she could come to my house whenever whether I was there for not.

But my sister, I still knock at her house. The only place I really don't bother with any of those niceties are at my moms house. Everywhere else I ask or wait for someone to tell me its okay. I think that stuff is pretty rude. And even though I would never reject someone from going in my fridge, it would still bother me if they just did it without asking. Its the principal I guess.

I think some people find it a comfort to think they're being hospitable even when they're not at home. I had to stay at my mother's to take care of her after she had surgery. My Aunt was out of town for several weeks visiting her granddaughter. When my mom was feeling better and not needing full time care I'd go to my Aunt's and watch her TiVo just to get a break.

While I was there, my Aunt would call her house phone and tell me how her trip was going etc. It didn't even occur to me that I shouldn't answer the phone until I read this thread. She fully expected me to, which is why she called her house phone rather than my cell phone, but pondering it now it seems rather presumptuous. If someone else called I simply took a message and gave it to her when she called me.

thank you all for your responses...I can see how it is different in city & country living.. HOWEVER, I believe ( I might still be wrong ) smiles ......once you move into your own home and start a life with someone else then that should be YOUR domain. your not living at home anymore ..I just feel their needs to be boundaries ..my children would never get anything without asking first..they know they are more than welcome to have anything in my fridge but they always ask first. my children will knock on my door before entering ...I just feel sometimes like whats mine is everybodys and I dont have say in anything ..I think keeping the door locked is a good idea and might give them a hint ...thank you all so much!......lost

You definitely need boundaries. When I first read your thread it was a bit taken aback. I cannot even comprehend knocking at my parents home, nor having my adult children do so here. But as I thought about it, my parents did have boundaries. My brother and I were never allowed in their bedroom. I remember being in there maybe three times my entire childhood. When my husband and I returned back to the states for a visit, they were going to sleep on the sofa sleeper in the living room and give us their bedroom (my bedroom had been turned into an office). It was so awkward being in there that I just said we'd rather sleep in the living room.

For my dad, the basement and garage were his domain. We didn't borrow so much as a screw driver without asking (even when we still lived in the house). He was very **** about his tools and he would get you the tool he was willing to part with even temporarily. He also did not allow us (as adults!) to touch his computer unless he wanted me to fix it.

But even growing up in the same household there are differences between my brother and I. I would never dream of say renting a movie, taking their car or making a long distance phone call when we are there visiting without asking first, this doesn't bother him a bit. Even when he stayed here, he was comfortable enough to help himself to anything, rent a movie, take over the computer or video game system etc.

When we made the trip out west to visit him, things were uncomfortable because this was his chair, the twins (14 at the time) were expected to ask for permission before they played his video games, before they could swim in the pool, watch TV or get a glass of water. I have to say they didn't think a thing of it, they were very well mannered and handled the situation very well. I, on the other hand, resented it a great deal and began calling him Bill (our crotchety step-grandfather's name).

My Mom is ~ 4 miles away & I see her about twice a week. But I wait to be asked for a beverage or to lunch. I would ask for something in the fridge or to use her phone. I would never just walk into her house & never open any closets or drawers in her home.

And for some reason when a woman says to get something from her handbag, I *always* bring the handbag to her. I don't put my hand in anyone else's (Mom's, sisters', friends') purse. It would take a 911 call, lol.
Interesting all the different life styles!

Holmes

Ew I forgot the purse thing. There's no way to this day I would ever open my mother's purse. I don't know what's in the thing, but she's always carried it everywhere with her, from room to room all day long. When she asks me for something from her purse should it be sitting next to me I simply hand her the bag.

Way beyond rude. But because of my PTSD I am probably not typical. I was telling my therapist once how paranoid I felt and I fear I am at risk of violence. My therapist told me I am not paranoid, that what I feared was real world danger that many people do not think about. There have been times when I was battered and thought my death was imminent. I have had two different neighbors tell me they thought about raping me. My house has been robbed three times in twenty years but fortunately I was never home during the robberies. I live on a secluded eighty acre farm and wary of people I do not know and some that I do know.

I do not even like it when friends or family stop by without calling first. I would be mighty upset if somebody I knew or a stranger walked into my house. If I heard somebody in my home I would be fearful for my safety. I am not the "shoot first and ask questions later" type but anybody walking in on me would probably pee their pants when confronted with Yoda with a weapon yelling, "Freeze!"

When I was in the hospital my son was living alone at home and he had latched the latch on our front door. My sister came by and unlocked the door but could not open it because of the latch and then started berating my son for daring to latch the door. Typical of her attitude. Rather than asking for the key back we simply changed the lock. Wait until she figures that out!

I always ask if I can a drink, etc unless I am spending the night and everybody is asleep.

I wouldn't do it.

It really depends on the family, I would not hesitate to go in my mums bag or use her phone. She would also go in my bag or use my phone.

For me it depends entirely on my mood. I grew up in a small town and in a large extended family where there were very few of those kinds of boundaries in place. My house is your house kind of lifestyle with no locks on any doors.

Now that I have my own home I lock the door when I don't want anyone to come in. My truck may be home but if the door is locked the message is clear.

If I do have to let someone in when I am depressed I appreciate that people help themselves to whatever they want. I have neither the mind nor the energy to serve them so it helps me to see them help themselves especially when I am depressed.

I think we are all different depending on our upbringing but either way we are entitled to set whatever boundaries we want in our own homes and if people disrespect those boundaries they need to be reminded until they get it.

If you think their actions are rude then their actions are rude. It is your truth and you are entitled to have your truth respected. That's what I think.

For me, depends solely upon who it is.
My one sister has full access to my home and anything in it, if she ever needs. She has her own key to my home, as well...n it'll always be that way. Same for her regarding me.
However, neither of us just "walk on in"...we have a routine, knock AS we enter...hollering "it's only me". We call before we come over, again, neither of us really care to be disrupted if not in mood..so we mutually respect that, though neither of us are "put out" if the other should just pop on in. Once in, its a free for all...don't matter...help yourself..lol.
Any of my other siblings can stay away, for all I care, and they do. Never invite them into my home, let alone my life.

As for anyone else, though..No way. Not heard of.

Shangrala

This is an interesting topic! For me personally, the only time I would ever do that is when I'm at my parents' house. We're very close and they don't care if when I'm over there that I grab a pop from their fridge or go on their computer or watch their tv.. and same goes for me. When they come over, the first thing my dad does is turn on the hockey game lol. But I also am not married and I live with my sister and we are a very close family.. I call my mom at least once or twice a day. That's just how we are. I have a key to their house and they have a key to mine, but we only use it in case of emergencies, although I know for a fact it would not bother them one bit if I stopped by while I was in the area while they weren't home (say for example to use their washroom or grab something that I left there). When they come over to my house, they know that they don't have to knock, they can just come on in. I would never do this sort of stuff with my friends' or other family members (such as aunts, uncles, cousins). I have one really close friend though who is over at my house a lot and she knows she can grab anything from my fridge while she's here. She rarely does, but it wouldn't bother me at all if she did because we're such good friends and I want her to feel at home while she's here. My other friends though that I'm not as close to, I guess it would feel a bit weird. As for walking in without knocking, it's never a problem here because the city I live in is very high in crime and no one ever leaves their door unlocked.. even during the day! So my friends/family (with the exception of my parents) would have no choice but to knock.. otherwise they wouldn't get in (unless I accidently left my keys in the door... which I am notorious for doing!)

we do have ppl walk in here an i we do walk in other ppls homes but i wouldnt if i wasnt invited to do this first, i wouldnt go to someones fridge or cupboard with out there say so first, even if i do vist ppl they normaly know that we are comming and we knock before entering there home,

This is funny, because we were talking about this as a family over the holidays. For friends of both my brother and I, who are 11 years apart, there was pretty much an open door policy. I had two best friends in high school, and I cannot remember how many times we would be out as a family, and come home to find one or both of them sitting on the couch, watching tv, and eating a snack. There was a designated snack cupboard, and about anything in the kitchen was a grab n go.

My parents surely had ulterior motives. They made our home an open door and welcoming place so that friends always wanted to hang at our house, and the folks could know what was going on. Both of my childhood friends who I am still very close to, but only see once or twice a year, usually see my parents more often than I do. They have family in the area. My female friend told me a while ago about going back to our hometown to pick up her daughter. She stopped at the folks to say hi, but noticed that there was a bunch of mail in the box, and figured they were out of town. She brought the mail in, got a soda, and fed the pets. =)

Just like everything else I suspect, a little bit of nature, a little bit of nurture. No one comes in my house without knocking because my dog has no social skills and acts like a dummy.