[radio_flyer]

Lot has happened over the past 2 weeks. AJ's car broke down so his gf drove him to work, because it was on her way to work. Her schedule is different than AJ's as she goes to work later than AJ which means AJ got to work late.... ANYWAY, yesterday AJ got a new "used" car .. "he got a nice car, a BMW, used with 10,000 miles. So transportation solved...

ANYWAY, I told his g/f AJ is on 3 month probation and it is important he gets to work on time.. I thought she "understood".......

WELL, last night they celebrated at home over the new car... He drove his gf's friend home and guess got to bed around 3am... SO I usually call him to make sure he is up each morning.. I knew he was over tired but he still had to go to work.. Right???? I ended up knocking on his @ 8:45 and when he opened the door his gf was laying there "smiling"...That irked me. AJ can't afford to lose this job and getting to work on time is very imnportant.... Not sure why she didn't push AJ out of bed .......

Other than this morning, I "think/thought" she was a great person for AJ. She really is nice...Very good for AJ.. She makes tons of money.. She even gave AJ $600 sunglasses last night......She is organized and I can say tons of great things about her. BUT this morning, with at stupid smile on her face, laying in bed, struck a bad note for me... It was the smile....Guess if AJ's loses his job she will support him..??? Am I being *****y... AJ's work hours are 9 to 5.... And it was 8:45 when I knocked on his door... and it is a half hour drive to work....I would of thought she would have pushed him out of bed not lay there with him till 9am>>

Maybe I am ranting.. I dunno... Just irked...This is AJ's first "programming" job...His first "real" job and he is on 3 months probation... End of July is his 3 month review...Maybe I am over reacting...? To be honest, I don't want to be the one to "ring" him each morning to wake up.. I think she should do it or he get up on his own ... Just don't like seeing him going to work late... and don't like seeing a gf flashing a smile, laying in bed, knowing AJ is late for work...

Boy that was a mouthful....... Maybe I worry too much......His life.. His choices...His job... mama has to chill and let it go and not worry.. Just this being his first real job... shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mama.. go back to bed..

Hello, radio_flyer. I do not think you are being too much a mom. I think AJ still has not figured out there are consequences for inappropriate behavior.

[radio_flyer]

Thanks Byz..I think he just wants to please everyone and he is neglecting himself..Grant it, he was excited over his car and I understand that.. I just don't see how he can function with 4 hrs sleep and keep his job.. Not blaming his gf, yet that smile while she laid in bed, knowing AJ was late really hit a bad note with me.. She makes over twice as much money as AJ, as being over $100,000 a year.. Gesh she makes 10 thousand a month.. Good LORD.. That is a lot of money.. lol.. Why should I worry, she can support him.. I would have thought she would have pushed him out of bed and not snuggle and play knowing he was late..........They can play and snuggle all they want, just please , let AJ get his sleep and get to work on time.

I think, AJ knows there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. His gf can "go" on 3 or 4 hours of sleep . AJ can't.. Last two weeks she took him to work and didn't pick him up till after l0pm each night. So they'd be gone from 8am to midnight every day........I just made a note to myself to stop the "worry".. AJ knows he is exhausted.. He knows his work schedule.. He has to make his decision to make sure he gets enough sleep to function...

[Lostime]

With todays economy, one cannot fool around with one's job, he needs to hear it so he knows he is buggering up and he needs to get his act together. You did the right thing and should not feel bad you did.

I sometimes have to sit in hearings for absenteeisms and listing to a lot of crap from people who think they can do as they please until they hear the words we do not need your services any more. I sometimes whish more parents were like you, it is not easy to let someone go I hate it but have to do it sometimes.

[lynn P.]

I agree with you radio flyer. The reason he can afford this car is because he has a job, so he needs to pay attention to his responsibilities. Since he hasn't been there long, it doesn't look good him going in late. Celebrating is for the weekend - otherwise he would end up too tired or hung over.

AJ is going to have to get his own self up and out of bed and to work each day. It is not your responsibility to get him up, and it is not his girlfriend's responsibility either. Doing it for him is just enabling behavior. Stop waking him up. You aren't doing him any favors.

[radio_flyer]

You are "right" farmergirl . I only did it as a courtesy call... Since this is his "first" job, I thought I was being helpful... Been 2 months now, so there is no reason I can think of that he needs me to make sure he is up and about in time... I will mention it to him this evening....

I'd just like to add, before his car broke down, he was out the door in plenty of time. I did not have to push him as he "knew" what time he had to leave. Not making excuses, well I don't think I am, for 2 weeks he was de pendent on his girlfriend for transportation... So he got home when she could pick him up and that was unfortunately late in the evening around 10 and sometimes 11pm... But then she did not have to be at work as early as AJ so they left a bit later in the mornings. On one hand AJ is lucky and he appreciated it, that he had a ride to and from work. On the other hand, 16 hr days was a hardship for AJ....

He looks awful.. He is exhausted. Today will be extra long for him. Am sure he will get to bed early tonight. Guess he needs to make those decisions for himself.. And he needs to get up on his own too...

[radio_flyer]

Lynn, They celebrated with a shrimp dinner his girlfriend cooked.. NO drinking either... She doesn't drink other than a glass of wine here and there.. SO no hangovers... which is a good thing........

AS a mother, I worry way too much....I know AJ's personality and he functions on a lower level when "for instance, 5 days in a row" when he gets only 3 or 4 hours o sleep.. It wasn't his fault as he was dependent on "others" for transportation. I don't think I am making excuses. Because AJ has come a longgggggggg way and doing really great.........He was sooooooooo excited about his car.... I understand his excitement.......I also understand his job should be a priority and I believe he feels the same way...

Now that I will be "sleeping in", AJ can get up and get his own breakfast or his girlfriend can make it for him.......I am sure he will "fall" in bed tonight...I might of made a mountain out of a mole hill... Now that all the excitement is over, am sure things will get back to normal.........

[radio_flyer]

Lostime.... I agree.... With todays economy one does not fool around with one's job.. It took hi m 5 months sending out resumes to get this job.. He can't afford to make the mistake of being "late" for work...

[T-bone 6074]

I don't think that you're being too much of a mom. Mothers always worry about their children, no matter how old they become. However, your son needs to take responsibility for his own actions. It may take a while before he realizes this. Even if this costs him his job before he finally wakes up and realizes what he has to do to survive in this world.

[Lostime]

Bottom line.

It is all still new to him and he can do with a bit of a helping hand, loosing his job now will hurt his self confidence a lot more than what he will learn from loosing his job. Not even mentioning finding the next job with a resume stating bad time and attendance.

[radio_flyer]

Hey... if I am now sugar coating things, please call me on it... I won't react or get angry..........

I need to add.... AJ has come a long way.......I am actually very proud of him... This was the first morning he overslept....He was upset that he overslept... I don't know why his girlfriend's smile irked me tho....She is established in her job, whereas as isn't.. Gosh, even I was over excited about his new car... SO I understand AJ's excitement . He did not take it lightly that he overslept.. He wants to work and he actually likes working... He is very motivated and serious about his job..

I just want to make sure folks undertand that AJ does care and is motivated about working.. He is changing "for the good" .. He has a great gf... This just wasn't a good morning....

I know AJ wants to keep this job.. It isn't like he doesn't care when he gets to work..This was his first time oversleeping... I have overslept a few times when I was working.. I think the real reason I started this thread was because of that "smile" from his gf......it was one of "those" smiles....hard to explain.. not a good morning smile .... Guess I thought she would of nudged him out of bed instead of laying there smiling.... i dunno...................just please know..........AJ has been very re sponsible.. He cares and is trying...... He errored this morning...Am sure he will be back on schedule tomorrow... since he is no longer dependent on others for transportation.....

I know I am rambling.........

[Lostime]

Originally Posted by radio_flyer

I know I am rambling.........

Your just being a mom!

[bebop]

can't remember how old you said AJ is but hon he needs to get his own self up in the mornings and stop depending on you so much. I know it is hard on you with you both living in the same house. That makes it really tough to not do so much for our children. Yes hon you worry alot but too much? can we do that? lol. maybe have a small talk with him about becoming an independent young man now.

[Erti]

It sounds like you are blaming his behavior on his girlfriend. :/

[radio_flyer]

umm, Bebop, he is 31.. and yes i agree, he now needs to get himself up in the mornings. He can even stop at McDonalds for breakfast on his way to work.. I was only trying to be helpful with trying to get him a good start in the mornings. Two months down the line he should be ready to be responsible for his own breakfast and getting up in the mornings. I already told him it would be better for all if he got an alarm clock and start the mornings on his own.. I always got up on my own, there is no reason why he can't do the same..

Sometimes being helpful only gets in the way.. And I am more than ready to lay low and focus on other things and let go of some of the "worry"..

[radio_flyer]

You know Erti, it does seem I am blaming his girlfriend rather than AJ.. I really like his girlfriend. I think she is a great person. I guess I was disappointed she didn't push AJ out of bed for work...But it isn't her fault at all... It isn't her res ponsibility...And Yes, I think I was blaming her and I was wrong....

I think I am over anxious because this is AJ's first real job.. He is a "late" bloomer for sure and I don't want him to screw it up...But then, he has to make his own decisions.. He has been doing great so far.. Just slipped up once...and I reacted.. Maybe made a mountain out of a mole hill..... He knows what he has to do.... He doesn't need me to remind him.....Smacks me head with a soft pillow... He is an "adult"...And he has been acting like an adult... I just need to chill .. Mothers are like that, ya know...

[bebop]

lol hon we all do that at times! time to hmm cut the apron strings and make him stand on his own. at 31 he should want to step up and do it on his own! now mama step back and let him grow up lol. I think as mothers we are natural protectors. don't sweat it too much hon. just remember the old saying....even a mama bird kicks the chicks out of the nest at some point. not saying kick him out of the house though lol

[radio_flyer]

Rather than putting it off, I told AJ to set his alarm for tomorrow and suggested he get breakfast at McDonalds.. I agree that I need to step back.. He is a grown man.. geesh... He doesn't need me to be making breakfast and getting him up for work...

TO be honest, I will enjoy sleeping in and not having to cook in the mornings.. I think it is best for everyone this way.. I know it will be a lot less stress for me.. To be honest, mama bird is tired of all the worry....Lots of other things I can be doing other than worrying about AJ... I am confident he will do what needs to be done and be in control of his life... He is on his way....... Mama is more than ready to chill....

[lynn P.]

Maybe you can give AJ this helpful tip for people who are hard to wake up in the morning. Tell him to put the alarm far away from the bed( out of arms reach) so he has to get up to turn it off. He also needs to realize he can't be late since he hasn't been their long. I hope he wakes up on time tomorrow.

[mokie]

Well as a mom I can see myself doing this. Although I did not realize he was 31. I think he is to old for you to be having to baby him. I only say that cause my mother still does this babying thing for my brother who is now 53 and married with a child of age 21. My mother in law God rest her soul was the same with her oldest child. Now let me tell you that from what I have learned in seeing what they did. It does not help them at all. My brother relys on my mom now for everything and even for money, rides, everything you can think of cuase she did not cut the appron strings yet. As for my brother in law he now has a difficult time in dealing with simple everyday life issues. All this cause both moms could not kick out the chicks from the nest. Mind you I am a mom of a 16 yr olg daughter and since she started high school it was all up to her to wake up, get ready for school, find breakfast for herself and make sure she got to school on time. Yes there were times she did not wake up but she had to face the consequences at school and here at home. This has made her an independent young lady. Its hard to do but I don't want her to be like her uncles who can't do it on their own. Aj is old enough to learn and face the real world of becoming a mature adult that he is. No harm of being a mom and helping once in awhilw we all need help at times. Just think what will he do if your not around.