[moth]

Tried to be a nice person all my life.
I know I should look at things in shades of grey, but I think this world and people are plain evil.
Kind of think oblivion would be better. Kind of thinking that it would be better if emergence and evolution never existed; consciousness is so crappy.

Don't get me wrong, their are a lot of nice people and beautiful things in this world.

Just tired of humans and existence.

I don't even feel sadness anymore. And pity sucks.

Ah well, i'll continue to help when I can/when i'm asked, not eat animals, etc

And today I partially remembered a memory my mind has been hiding, but it went away. I usually only remember this during my night terrors/near-sleep state flashbacks, but now I get hints of information before and after periods of disassociation. I don't know.

I'm a cynical *** aren't I? lol

[arcangel]

I've thought oblivion sounded pretty good at times but...nirvana sounds better
This may sound odd but if you like to read I think you should try Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. At least google it before discounting the idea.

Hello, moth. How are people evil?

[moth]

Originally Posted by arcangel

I've thought oblivion sounded pretty good at times but...nirvana sounds better
This may sound odd but if you like to read I think you should try Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. At least google it before discounting the idea.

I've read it but I guess it wouldn't hurt to read it again. The most inspiring book I have ever read is Johnathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. The Prophet by Khalil Gibran is also pretty inspiring. Thanks for reminding me

[moth]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, moth. How are people evil?

I don't know. It just seems like everyone is in competition; that one person would do anything to another person to get ahead if put in the right situation. And that if an individual is kind, it's just that person wanting to be kind so that they don't see themselves as bad thus making them feel good about themselves.

Theirs more but I don't have the energy to write it all right now, lol.

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by moth

I've read it but I guess it wouldn't hurt to read it again. The most inspiring book I have ever read is Johnathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. The Prophet by Khalil Gibran is also pretty inspiring. Thanks for reminding me

I had a feeling that you might have read it. I think something in your post just had a connection. It has an interesting take on "civilization"

Hi Moth
I understand your cynicism where the purported "altruism" of most people stems from.

You are most sensitive to others, and insightful to see it so clearly; this would betray a completely empathic, true compassion for others in you.

So much superficial kindness can and does make one bitter.
It made me bitter at one time.

Then something happened which changed my perspective significantly.

I realized what I was capable of giving to others; regardless of their inability to return the same. I felt blessed, rather than cursed by my painfully strong sensitivity to the world; and I began to reach out and feel others pain.

Yes, it made me feel better; not that it makes me feel like "Gee, aren't I a good person"; no; I was born this way, and it's painful to be this way, even if I can help someone, it still drains me; it's a way to channel my sensitivity in a constructive manner. It's a gift that was given me, and I must give it back to be a whole person.

There are truly caring people in the world.
They are blessed with acute sensitivity to others, you sound as if you are one. Pax

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." ..." ~Mother Teresa

Be well.

[Lostime]

I think we all have days where we feel this way Moth.

[Mr. Lizard]

This feeling comes and goes... but I have learned to block these thoughts as they were much more prominent before.

I would get so angry because people were just careless.
And when people do care, they only see what they can see and they have no intention of looking at whatever it is from a new perspective.

But since I have been meditating more and ignoring everything around me, I feel a little more apathetic and its pleasing.

Like my friend was slamming the cupboards and doors and screaming at his dog in the morning. He then was trying to tell me that I needed to get up early to walk the dogs. (Me and my roommate have our own dogs.)

I just went back to sleep and forgot it happened.
I've realized I have taken on this mentality where I tell myself "I won't even remember it in a year".

But its funny because even stupid stuff can grind my gears like simple discrimination in the workplace and stuff like that. Where if someone has a tattoo or piercing it immediately writes them off as a decent or fit person for a job.

I've come to believe the society we live in is just really f-d up.
Sometimes I want to write a book on it but then I think "the only books that really sell is Christian propaganda".

Its like Holden Caulfield in Catch in the Rye.
A brilliant kid in a f-d up world.

On the bright side...

Lately I have been concentrating on present moment of existing.
I have been able to appreciate my own existence.
So when I see people I just smile even if they look at me weird.
I've taken on this new light through just thinking.

I mean everyone was making a big deal about May 21st and now 2012 is coming up.
I really do hope something happens.
There is the thought of the age of enlightenment, which would make me really happy if everyone could just be enlightened.
Then there is, we are all going to die, which wouldn't hurt my feelings if we all died.

I just hope something happens that will make everything better.
For right now, I am just watching TV and waiting. =P