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#1
Jun 30, 2011, 08:23 PM
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AJ's dad said tonight that he would like to take AJ's girlfriend's parents, with AJ and his girl, out to dinner. He wants me to go too..
 I said I didn't have any clothes to go out and he said he'd get me some.. I said that is ok, you can take them out. He said it wouldn't look right if I didn't go...He got sorta mad at me cuz I don't wanna go..Been so long that I've gone anywhere.. ANd well, I don't feel comfy around folks, and before I started staying home, when I did go out, I had to sit by a stupid window or door or I get all dizzy and weird if I am not close to a door.. Of course they don't know this, and if I told them, they'd just say "don't be silly" you will do fine... I panic in cars too. lol.. shhhhhhhhhhhhh, I am a mess sometimes. I can hide it cuz folks have accepted that I just hang out around the house. ANd they are busy doing their thing, they don't question "why" I don't want to go anywhere... I told AJ's girlfriend to look out for a lady for AJ's dad.. Maybe by the time of the "dinner thing" AJ's dad can take his new lady friend>???? Just rambling... This had to happen just when I was feeling that I don't need to visit PC anymore. That I am A ok.... Now this all surfaces ... What a hoot! ANd NO I am not going to the dinner party either... NO matter what. Even if they buy me designer clothes and diamonds. KInda late for me anyways......... |
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#2
Jun 30, 2011, 08:37 PM
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Would you go if AJ asked you...if it was important to him?
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#3
Jun 30, 2011, 08:45 PM
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Good question....Was thinking how I am going to get out of the "wedding" should there be one... SO, even if AJ asked me, I'd say "no"..It isn't that I don't want to, it is because I can't...
I've changed so much.. Well, everyone changes... Whatever the reasons, I am sure I have plenty, just not all that important, is that I am left with fear and panic when over stimulated or out of my comfort zone, which happens to be a small comfort zone... The "zest" for life flew out the door over 10 years ago.. No biggie. I am old.. I am cool, as long as I am in my comfort zone... I am sure they really won't mind if I don't participate in the "fun" things.. I just don't know why AJ's dad thinks it is important for me to participate.. He never wanted me to before... shrugs shoulders |
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