mom said i use to be pretty

My mom showed my 8th grade picture to my daughter saying as she shows it to her "your mommy was so pretty". Like I’m not standing there hearing her say I was pretty. Of course I don't think I’m cute now. I have eczema all over my body so I hate just looking at myself some days but for her to say it pisses me off. She never even said when I "was pretty" that she was thinking that. I can count on one hand how many times she has hugged me since the 5th grade on. And let’s not talk about ever saying I love you. Never said it. She never even gave me a full complement without saying something negative in the same sentence. She would say this when I was a kid, “you would be so cute if you lost that stomach”. She is the reason for a lot of me feeling like I don’t need to be here. Why the hell did she have me? I know I was a burden on her life. She probably blames me for her future not going the way she planned. She thinks I don’t know about her 3 abortions but I found that out when I was pregnant. So why did she have me and not the others? She is not an affectionate mother and that always bothered me. I know better now so I always tell my daughter I love her everyday. I mean it as well. She is my world. I said on here before I look at my older pictures even from 3 years ago and wish I looked the same. I hate my skin condition. I look like the very thing I fear, a snake. So I guess she thinks I’m fat, ugly and I use to be pretty.

Dear purplemood beauty is in the eye of the beholder.You are not ugly you are a gift to this world and don't ever forget that.Here is a big 10 times over.Sounds like you have a beautiful daughter who deserves you and if you're mum can not see that then that is her loss by her own fault not yours.Lots of love sending your'e way Don't ever forget how special a person you are eczma or no eczma o.k.

you are more than your skin, you are a bigger person than your mother, beauty is everywhere, shame your mother can't see it. But don't let that hurt you.
one of my family has chronic psorisis. I understand a little of how you may feel. But honest those that truly love you will look right past that.

Beauty comes from inside. The outside is just what holds that beauty or just the wrappings of the package. The true gift is inside you. I would bet that you daughter sees that beautiful gift that you hold within you. It is a shame that your mother is so fixated on the wrappings that she can't see and enjoy the true beauty that you give off, but that is her loss.

My husband has severe psoriasis and I married him without a thought. I love him for who he is, not what he looks like. People who reject and judge others by appearances have a distorted view of beauty.

I had the same kind of mom and made sure to be physically affectionate and tell my kids I loved them every day. If I would do it over, I'd have said "you're beautiful inside and out" every day, too.

I still say "i love you" and hug several times a day. They're 18, 20 and 22 and still say it back.

You are old enough not to need your mother's approval in order to live. That isn't to say that people don't crave their parent's love and support, not at all. But you are a parent yourself, and old enough and strong enough to find other ways and other people to get the love and affection and positive reinforcement you need. I believe if you stop expecting your mother to change at this late date you will be the happier for it. For whatever reason, your mother is not giving you what you think a mother should. Please try to accept that and move on. It is worth the effort that will take, for your own peace of mind. For what it is worth, I have said some of the same things "You were so cute then", etc. not as a criticism but as a way of putting myself back in that time and to re-experience the love and joy inside myself I felt with my cute one who is now an adult (and still cute in my eyes!). I appreciate your post; I will be more careful what I say to my own child, so that it comes across the way I really intend it.

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(((((purplemood))))))

Very good feedback for you here all true and you should really absord it all.

As far as your mother is concerned, I am very sorry that she was not a good mother. There is something about her that prevents her from having the ability to truely love anyone, and I don't even know if she really ever loved herself or was loved herself.

Instead of focusing on the fact that you do not feel loved and appreciated, or ever validated as a person, stop, and consider the source, really think about the people who failed to give you that. Because it is important to understand that in no way were you not lovable and a beautiful child. Your mother may have not really wanted children and took steps to try to keep that from happening, but, someone more important than your mother wanted you to be here, knew you were going to make a difference, gave you something special that will send a message to others. If you are here than it was meant to be, you were meant to be and your life will slowly reveal that. And Flooded is right, beauty is only skin deep and always fades with time (that will be a nightmare for your mother, her own punishment) and it is really what is inside each person that truely makes the meaningful contributions to life itself for you and others. You already know what does not contribute to another human being, that is the one thing your mother taught you. And now you will give your own child what that child deserves no matter what that child looks like on the outside, because you now know what really matters, what a gift you will be to that child, a real mother, real love, and I am sure you will give that child everything it needs for as long as you live. The gift of beauty can be a curse in disguise, it can be the only focus in life and considering the depth of skin that is a thin perspective on life and all that is really to be had and appreciated.

Good thing your nothing like your mother, because one child suffering through that is enough, at least your child will never feel unwanted.
And you are going to know just how to be a wonderful mother.

Open Eyes

Thank you all for the comments. My daughter is beautiful and will tell me that she thinks I’m beautiful. I always tell her thank you but I kind of shrug it off like I know I’m not. She’s only ten so she thinks I’m her world. I have a good 2 or 3 years before she kicks me to the curb for her friends lol. I said it before that she is my only reason for sticking around. Thank you all again. Too kind.